Enlightened Perspective

ENLIGHTENED PERSPECTIVE

I've learned.... That the best classroom in the world is at the feet of an elderly person.

I've learned.... That when you're in love, it shows.

I've learned.... That just one person saying to me, 'You've made my day!' makes my day.

I've learned... That having a child fall asleep in your arms is one of the most peaceful feelings in the world.

I've learned.... That being kind is more important than being right.

I've learned…. That you should never say no to a gift from a child.

I've learned.... That I can always pray for someone when I don't have the strength to help him in some other way.

I've learned.... That no matter how serious your life requires you to be, everyone needs a friend to act goofy with.

I've learned....That sometimes all a person needs is a hand to hold and a heart to understand.

I've learned.... That simple walks with my father around the block on summer nights when I was a child did wonders for me as an adult.

I've learned.... That life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.

I've learned... . That we should be glad God doesn't give us everything we ask for.

I've learned.... That money doesn't buy class.

I've learned.... That it's those small daily happenings that make life so spectacular.

I've learned... That under everyone's hard shell is someone who wants to be appreciated and loved.

I've learned.... That to ignore the facts does not change the facts.

I've learned.... That when you plan to get even with someone, you are only letting that person continue to hurt you.

I've learned.... That love, not time, heals all wounds.

I've learned.... That the easiest way for me to grow as a person is to surround myself with people smarter than I am.

I've learned.... That everyone you meet deserves to be greeted with a smile.

I've learned…. That no one is perfect until you fall in love with them.

I've learned... That life is tough, but I'm tougher. =0 A

I've learned.... That opportunities are never lost; someone will take the ones you miss.

I've learned.... That when you harbor bitterness, happiness will dock elsewhere.

I've learned.... That I wish I could have told my Mom that I love her one more time before she passed away.

I've learned.... That one should keep his words both soft and tender, because tomorrow he may have to eat them.

I've learned.... That a smile is an inexpensive way to improve your looks.

I've learned.... That when your newly born grandchild holds your little finger in his little fist, that you're hooked for life.

I've learned.... That everyone wants to live on top of the mountain, but all the happiness and growth occurs while you're climbing it.

I've learned ... That the less time I have to work with, the more things I get done.

Attitude

“The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, the education, the money, than circumstances, than failure, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness or skill. It will make or break a company... a church... a home. The remarkable thing is we have a choice everyday regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past... we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude. I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% of how I react to it. And so it is with you... we are in charge of our Attitudes.” Charles R. Swindoll

Life is short; enjoy it!

Burton Fletcher

Living With People

Living with People

People are often unreasonable, illogical, and self-centered; forgive them anyway.

If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives; be kind anyway.

If you are successful, you will win some friends and some true enemies: succeed anyway.

What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight; build anyway.

If you find serenity and happiness, some may be jealous; be happy anyway.

The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow; do good anyway.

Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough;

Give the world the best you have anyway.

You see, in the final analysis, it is between you and God;

It was never between you and them anyway.

By Mother Theresa

Wish It, Dream It, Do It!

Wish it!
Dream it!
Do it!

These six words, when incorporated into your lifestyle, can help you to accomplish more!Have you ever known someone who was a procrastinator? I mean a SERIOUS procrastinator!

Well, I have known a few of these individuals who did not have the follow through to accomplish often great ideas.

I would prefer to associate myself with a person of average talent who works hard to accomplish their goals than a person of brilliance who cannot be depended on to do what he or she says he or she is going to do, thereby lacking dependability, much less failing to fulfill her or her potential.

Procrastinators are people who create stress in their own lives and the lives of others by their failure to manage their own lives effectively or efficiently.

If you cannot manage your own life; how can you expect you will ever be able to effectively manage the lives of others.

If a person fails to fulfill their potential; shame on them! However, if that same person undermines an organization's goals, then procrastination is psychological sabotage and like a rotten apple, must be plucked from our midst, lest the entire barrel rot as well.

Wish it!
Dream it!
Do it!

This is good advice for anyone!

Burton Fletcher
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The Old Man and the Dog

The Old Man and the Dog
By Catherine Moore

'Watch out! You nearly broadsided that car!' My father yelled at me. 'Can't you do anything right?'

Those words hurt worse than blows. I turned my head toward the elderly man in the seat beside me, daring me to challenge him. A lump rose in my throat as I averted my eyes. I wasn't prepared for another battle. 'I saw the car, Dad. Please don't yell at me when I'm driving.'

My voice was measured and steady, sounding far calmer than I really felt.Dad glared at me, then turned away and settled back. At home I left Dad in front of the television and went outside to collect my thoughts. Dark, heavy clouds hung in the air with a promise of rain. The rumble of distant thunder seemed to echo my inner turmoil. What could I do about him?Dad had been a lumberjack in Washington and Oregon. He had enjoyed being outdoors and had reveled in pitting his strength against the forces of nature.

He had entered grueling lumberjack competitions, and had placed often. The shelves in his house were filled with trophies that attested to his prowess. The years marched on relentlessly. The first time he couldn't lift a heavy log, he joked about it; but later that same day I saw him outside alone, straining to lift it. He became irritable whenever anyone teased him about his advancing age, or when he couldn't do something he had done as a younger man. Four days after his sixty-seventh birthday, he had a heart attack.

An ambulance sped him to the hospital while a paramedic administered CPR to keep blood and oxygen flowing. At the hospital, Dad was rushed into an operating room. He was lucky; he survived. But something inside Dad died. His zest for life was gone. He obstinately refused to follow doctor's orders. Suggestions and offers of help were turned aside with sarcasm and insults. The number of visitors thinned, then finally stopped altogether. Dad was left alone. My husband, Dick, and I asked Dad to come live with us on our small farm.

We hoped the fresh air and rustic atmosphere would help him adjust. Within a week after he moved in, I regretted the invitation. It seemed nothing was satisfactory. He criticized everything I did. I became frustrated and moody. Soon I was taking my pent-up anger out on Dick We began to bicker and argue. Alarmed, Dick sought out our pastor and explained the situation. The clergyman set up weekly counseling appointments for us. At the close of each session he prayed, asking God to soothe Dad's troubled mind.

But the months wore on and God was silent. Something had to be done and it was up to me to do it. The next day I sat down with the phone book and methodically called each of the mental health clinics listed in the Yellow Pages. I explained my problem to each of the sympathetic voices that answered. In vain. Just when I was giving up hope, one of the voices suddenly exclaimed, 'I just read something that might help you! Let me go get the article.' I listened as she read.

The article described a remarkable study done at a nursing home. All of the patients were under treatment for chronic depression. Yet their attitudes had improved dramatically when they were given responsibility for a dog. I drove to the animal shelter that afternoon. After I filled out a questionnaire, a uniformed officer led me to the kennels. The odor of disinfectant stung my nostrils as I moved down the row of pens.

Each contained five to seven dogs. Long-haired dogs, curly-haired dogs, black dogs, spotted dogs all jumped up, trying to reach me. I studied each one but rejected one after the other for various reasons: too big, too small, too much hair. As I neared the last pen a dog in the shadows of the far corner struggled to his feet, walked to the front of the run and sat down. It was a pointer, one of the dog world's aristocrats. But this was a caricature of the breed. Years had etched his face and muzzle with shades of gray.

His hipbones jutted out in lopsided triangles. But it was his eyes that caught and held my attention. Calm and clear, they beheld me unwaveringly. I pointed to the dog. 'Can you tell me about him?' The officer looked, then shook his head in puzzlement.'He's a funny one. Appeared out of nowhere and sat in front of the gate. We brought him in, figuring someone would be right down to claim him. That was two weeks ago and we've heard nothing. His time is up tomorrow.' He gestured helplessly. As the words sank in I turned to the man in horror. 'You mean you're going to kill him?''Ma'am,' he said gently, 'that's our policy.

We don't have room for every unclaimed dog.' I looked at the pointer again The calm brown eyes awaited my decision. 'I'll take him,' I said.I drove home with the dog on the front seat beside me. When I reached the house I honked the horn twice. I was helping my prize out of the car when Dad shuffled onto the front porch.

'Ta-da! Look what I got for you, Dad!' I said excitedly.Dad looked, then wrinkled his face in disgust. 'If I had wanted a dog I would have gotten one. And I would have picked out a better specimen than that bag of bones. Keep it! I don't want it' Dad waved his arm scornfully and turned back toward the house. Anger rose inside me It squeezed together my throat muscles and pounded into my temples.'You'd better get used to him, Dad. He's staying!'

Dad ignored me. 'Did you hear me, Dad?' I screamed. At those words Dad whirled angrily, his hands clenched at his sides, his eyes narrowed and blazing with hate. We stood glaring at each other like duelists, when suddenly the pointer pulled free from my grasp. He wobbled toward my dad and sat down in front of him.

Then slowly, carefully, he raised his paw.Dad's lower jaw trembled as he stared at the uplifted paw. Confusion replaced the anger in his eyes. The pointer waited patiently. Then Dad was on his knees hugging the animal. It was the beginning of a warm and intimate friendship. Dad named the pointer Cheyenne. Together he and Cheyenne explored the community. They spent long hours walking down dusty lanes. They spent reflective moments on the banks of streams, angling for tasty trout.

They even started to attend Sunday services together, Dad sitting in a pew and Cheyenne lying quietly at his feet. Dad and Cheyenne were inseparable throughout the next three years. Dad's bitterness faded, and he and Cheyenne made many friends.

Then late one night I was startled to feel Cheyenne's cold nose burrowing through our bed covers. He had never before come into our bedroom at night. I woke Dick, put on my robe and ran into my father's room. Dad lay in his bed, his face serene. But his spirit had left quietly sometime during the night.

Two days later my shock and grief deepened when I discovered Cheyenne lying dead beside Dad's bed. I wrapped his still form in the rag rug he had slept on. As Dick and I buried him near a favorite fishing hole, I silently thanked the dog for the help he had given me in restoring Dad's peace of mind.

The morning of Dad's funeral dawned overcast and dreary. This day looks like the way I feel, I thought, as I walked down the aisle to the pews reserved for family. I was surprised to see the many friends Dad and Cheyenne had made filling the church. The pastor began his eulogy. It was a tribute to both Dad and the dog who had changed his life And then the pastor turned to Hebrews 13:2. 'Be not forgetful to entertain strangers.'

'I've often thanked God for sending that angel,' he said. For me, the past dropped into place, completing a puzzle that I had not seen before: the sympathetic voice that had just read the right article...

Cheyenne's unexpected appearance at the animal shelter, his calm acceptance and complete devotion to my father and the proximity of their deaths. And suddenly I understood. I knew that God had answered my prayers after all.

Life is too short for drama and petty things, so laugh hard, love truly and forgive quickly. Live While You Are Alive.Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity. Forgive now those who made you cry. You might not get a second time.

Five Lessons About The Way We Treat People

** Five Lessons About The Way We Treat People

1 - First Important Lesson - Cleaning Lady.

During my second month of college, our professor gave us a pop quiz. I was a conscientious student and had breezed through the questions until I read the last one: "What is the first name of the woman who cleans the school?"

Surely this was some kind of joke. I had seen the cleaning woman several times. She was tall, dark-haired and in her 50's, but how would I know her name?

I handed in my paper, leaving the last question blank. Just before class ended, one student asked if the last question would count toward our quiz grade.

"Absolutely, " said the professor.

"In your careers, you will meet many people. All are significant. They deserve your attention and care, even if all you do is smile and say "hello."

I've never forgotten that lesson. I also learned her name was Dorothy.

2. - Second Important Lesson - Pickup in the Rain

One night, at 11:30 p.m., an older African American woman was standing on the side of an Alabama highway trying to endure a lashing rain storm. Her car had broken down and she desperately needed a ride.

Soaking wet, she decided to flag down the next car.

A young white man stopped to help her, generally unheard of in those conflict-filled 1960's. The man took her to safety, helped her get assistance and put her into a taxicab.

She seemed to be in a big hurry, but wrote down his addre ss and thanked him.

Seven days went by and a knock came on the man's door. To his surprise, a giant console color TV was delivered to his home.

A special note was attached.

It read: "Thank you so much for assisting me on the highway the other night. The rain drenched not only my clothes, but also my spirits. Then you came along.

Because of you, I was able to make it to my dying husband's bedside just before he passed away... God bless you for helping me and unselfishly serving others."

Sincerely,
Mrs Nat King Cole.

3 - Third Important Lesson - Always remember those who serve.

In the days when an ice cream sundae cost much less, a 10-year-old boy entered a hotel coffee shop and sat at a table. A waitress put a glass of water in front of him.

"How much is an ice cream sundae?" he asked.

"Fifty cents," replied the waitress.

The little boy pulled his hand out of his pocket and studied the coins in it.

"Well, how much is a plain dish of ice cream?" he inquired.

By now more people were waiting for a table and the waitress was growing impatient.

"Thirty-five cents," she brusquely replied.

The little boy again counted his coins.

"I'll have the plain ice cream," he said.

The waitress brought the ice cream, put the bill on the table and walked away

The boy finished the ice cream, paid the cashier and left. When the waitress came back, she began to cry as she wiped down the table.

There, placed neatly beside the empty dish, were two nickels and five pennies..

You see, he couldn't have the sundae, because he had to have enough left to leave her a tip.

4 - Fourth Important Lesson. - The obstacle in Our Path.

In ancient times, a King had a boulder placed on a roadway. Then he hid himself and watched to see if anyone would remove the huge rock. Some of the king's wealthiest merchants and courtiers came by and simply walked around it. Many loudly blamed the King for not keeping the roads clear, but none did anything about getting the stone out of the way.

Then a peasant came along carrying a load of vegetables. Upon approaching the boulder, the peasant laid down his burden and tried to move the stone to the side of the road. After much pushing and straining, he finally succeeded. After the peasant picked up his load of vegetables, he noticed a purse lying in the road where the boulder had been.

The purse contained many gold coins and a note from the King indicating that the gold was for the person who removed the boulder from the roadway. The peasant learned what many of us never understand! Every obstacle presents an opportunity to improve our condition.

5 - Fifth Important Lesson - Giving When it Counts...

Many years ago, when I worked as a volunteer at a hospital, I got to know a little girl named Liz who was suffering from a rare & serious disease. Her only chance of recovery appeared to be a blood transfusion from her 5-year old brother, who had miraculously survived the same disease and had developed the antibodies needed to combat the illness. The doctor explained the situation to her little brother, and asked the little boy if he would be willing to give his blood to his sister.

I saw him hesitate for only a moment before taking a deep breath and saying, "Yes I'll do it if it will save her."

As the transfusion progressed, he lay in bed next to his sister and smiled, as we all did, seeing the color returning to her cheek. Then his face grew pale and his smile faded.

He looked up at the doctor and asked with a trembling voice, "Will I start to die right away".

Being young, the little boy had misunderstood the doctor; he thought he was going to have to give his sister all of his blood in order to save her.

**From the Internet.... Source Anonymous.

That's Not Me...

"That's not me," my friend said, explaining why she does not wear makeup, nail polish and the like. "Okay," I said to myself; you are just being yourself, and what you are really saying is you do not have enough self esteem to take care of your appearance.

Have you ever known someone who thought the world evolved around them and their needs, idiocyncracies and view of the world. All of us are susceptible to this to some degree or another; however, some folks have excuses for all of their shortcomings in life, except for truthful excuses. "To thine own self be true," or in the vernacular of the street, "Do not bullshit thyself!"

Get your act together if you want to be seen as together. Actions speak louder than words and words speak volumes about the attitudes and beliefs of others, whether expressed or not. Like body language, there is often an incongruity between actions and words that must be heeded if we want to be in tune with the REAL person with whom we are dealing.

"That's not me...." is another way of expressing the view that you are not worth the effort for me to care about what you have to say. Your life is all about your needs, but also about the needs of your partner, and taking the time to celebrate life together!

Burton Fletcher
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Great Website

Wow! What a web Site !

Open the www site below and try this out on your computer. The screen will fill with the logos of most every store or info site that you will probably ever use. When you click on a logo, it takes you directly to the store or site you have selected. It's a great time saver and you don't have to hunt and type addresses on the Internet.

http://www.allmyfaves.com

Please Come See Me....

"Please come see me," my adult friend wailed.

"I'm sorry, but I need this time for me," I responded.

"I need this time to tune out the world, recharge my batteries, and rejuvenate."

"Yes, but isn't life to be 'celebrated,'" she said.

Yes, and this is how I celebrate my life on days when I need to rejuvenate."

Everyone has their needs and I must look out for my needs FIRST. I can only look after your needs so much before I start sacrificing my own needs. Sorry!

I do not like excessively NEEDY people who manipulate others by crying, begging, manipulation through guilt, sex or a plethora of other means, legal or illegal.

If you love someone, love yourself FIRST. If you do not love yourself; how can you expect others to love you.

Take care of your own needs FIRST.

Celebrate your own life FIRST.

Always remember the first rule in lifesaving is to save your own life!

Along the way, help others, but take care of yourself and respond to your own needs first.

After all, it is the right thing to do!

Burton Fletcher
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Life Should Be Celebrated....

" Life should not only be lived, it should be celebrated! "

These are the words I read on a coffee cup and words that should be inspirational to all. Do you "live" your life; or, do you "celebrate" your life?

As I have become older--and wiser--I appreciate the importance of celebrating life. In my youth, I gave little thought to my own mortality or to celebrating my life. Now, as a senior citizen, I accept my mortality and I celebrate my past, present and my future. I hope you are doing the same.


Burton Fletcher
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St. Francis of Assisi

For those in despair and in need of a psychological retreat, I recommend reading the referenced prayer of St. Francis of Assisi. His life story is remarkable and one that I am confident you will enjoy. Please see http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/St._Francis_of_Assisi

Burton Fletcher
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The Serenity Prayer

The Serenity Prayer has touched a great many lives in a positive manner. I know that during times of distress I have leaned on the wisdom of the Serenity Prayer. I hope it will comfort you too.

For more information on The Serenity Prayer, please see: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Serenity_prayer#cite_note-2


Burton Fletcher
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What is Success? by Bessie A. Stanley

What is Success? by Bessie A. Stanley

The next time someone asks about the meaning of success, a question right up there with "what is the meaning of life," you will have the makings for a good answer at your fingertips.

Here's a more complete version of this famous poem by Bessie A. Stanley. This was the prize-winning definition of success which won a contest sponsored by Brown book Magazine, Boston, circa 1904.

"He has achieved success who has lived well, laughed often, and loved much;

who has enjoyed the trust of pure women, the respect of intelligent men, and the love of small children;

who has filled his niche, and accomplished his task;

who has left the world better than he found it, whether by an improved poppy, a perfect poem, or a rescued soul;

who has never lacked appreciation of earth's beauty, or failed to express it;

who has always looked for the best in others, and given them the best he had;

whose life was an inspiration;

whose memory a benediction."

Bessie Anderson Stanley


Burton Fletcher
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A Thankful Heart And A Happy Home....

"A thankful heart and a happy home go hand in hand."

Too often, I feel that we lose sight of all that we have to be thankful for, in this country, in this state, in this county, in this city, in this neighborhood, on this street, and in this home. You can take the large view or the narrow view but how you look at life will determine your happiness.

As a retired educator, I observed during my days as an active college and university professor, that often the laziest educators were often the happiest, going about their lives like cows chewing their cud while walking single file down a cow path. Conversely, those who truly cared about the academic environment and the institution, and who worked hard to improve it, were often the least happy.

Wherever you are in life, be thankful for the positives and focus on those positives. The same goes for your home. If your heart is thankful, your home will be happier too.

Burton Fletcher
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Count Your Blessings & The 80-20 Rule In Relationships

If you are in a relationship that meets 80% of your needs, count your blessings. If you are happy, regardless of the percentage of your needs that are met, then count your blessings. Most successful relationships may fit the 80-20 rule with 80% of your needs being met.

The danger is feeling dissatisfaction and acting destructively when the other 20% of your needs are not met. If you are searching for someone to fulfill 100% of your needs, I predict great disappointment or even failure in your relationship.

Clear communication is the key and if your significant other is not listening, both you and they must make choices that may be hard or easy depending on the negative impact your partner's actions may be having on you, or your actions may be having on your partner.

Dealing with conflict in relationships is not easy. The more we have invested in the relationship, the more interpersonal warfare hurts and should be avoided.

While you cannot remake your personality, you can show consideration for your partner. If your partner abhors procrastination, then you need to work on those behaviors. If you are angry, then you need to address those issues that make you angry.

Relationships are a two-way street and should not be abandoned lightly. When you breakup a relationship, you lose the shared history that is so meaningful to bond the couple or friends together.

A relationship that fulfills 80% of your needs should not be abandoned or lost by a search for fulfillment of the other 20% that you may be missing. No relationship is perfect. You can live your life always looking for a person to fulfill 100% of your needs; however, those who are "picky", or seeking perfection, should be prepared for a lot of misery.

Even when we find our "ideal mate" we should know that just as we will be growing, our partner will be growing too. The person you married 20 years ago is not the same person today, and neither are you.

Love is a beautiful thing and it should be cherished. Crazy making should be avoided for your peace of mind and for the sake of the love you have for your partner.

Compromise is essential in any relationship. Count your blessings when you are in a relationship. The singles scene is not a pleasant place to be and should be avoided if both partners are willing to work toward shared goals.

Give and take and you'll be more likely to be successful in your relationship. I encourage everyone to focus on the positives and count your blessings; after all, it is the right thing to do for a happier life.

Burton Fletcher
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Don't Waste It....

The attached thoughts were discovered in an antique store and the advice was so good that I thought I would pass it along.

Life is short--too short--and we never know when our last day will present itself. Just ask any fan of "Meet the Press" who recently lost long-time host Tim Russert at age 58.

Mr. Russert was much too young to have died of a heart attack. His death should be a reminder to all of us that we should not waste a day with negative actions or negative thoughts.

Express positive feelings. Appreciate nature. Express gratitude. Avoid and remedy quarrels. Keep your promises. Share your feelings of love over and over so your loved ones will know you appreciate them.

This is not a full list of the things to do and not do; however, these are good reminders to everyone travelling on this journey we call life.

Burton Fletcher
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James Dean's Advice: Dream and Live.

So, how should we live our lives? James Dean's quote is one thought on the subject. Dreaming and living are important aspects to how we live our lives and I believe that no life can truly be fulfilled unless dreams are part of that life.

Burton Fletcher
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An actor must interpret life, and in order to do so must be willing to accept all the experiences life has to offer. In fact, he must seek out more of life than life puts at his feet. James Dean

Being a good actor isn't easy. Being a man is even harder. I want to be both before I'm done. James Dean

Being an actor is the loneliest thing in the world. You are all alone with your concentration and imagination, and that's all you have. James Dean

But you can't show some far off idyllic conception of behavior if you want the kids to come and see the picture. You've got to show what it's really like, and try to reach them on their own grounds. James Dean

Dream as if you'll live forever; live as if you'll die tomorrow. James Dean

Dream as if you'll live forever. Live as if you'll die today. James Dean

I also became close to nature, and am now able to appreciate the beauty with which this world is endowed. James Dean

I think the one thing this picture shows that's new is the psychological disproportion of the kids' demands on the parents. Parents are often at fault, but the kids have some work to do, too. James Dean

I want to be a Texan 24 hours a day. James Dean

If a man can bridge the gap between life and death, if he can live on after he's dead, then maybe he was a great man. James Dean

It was an accident, although I've been involved in some kind of theatrical function or other since I was a child - in school, music, athletics. James Dean

Only the gentle are ever really strong. James Dean

Studying cows, pigs and chickens can help an actor develop his character. There are a lot of things I learned from animals. One was that they couldn't hiss or boo me. James Dean

The gratification comes in the doing, not in the results. James Dean

The only greatness for man is immortality. James DeanThere is no way to be truly great in this world. We are all impaled on the crook of conditioning. James Dean

To grasp the full significance of life is the actor's duty; to interpret it his problem; and to express it his dedication. James Dean

To me, acting is the most logical way for people's neuroses to manifest themselves, in this great need we all have to express ourselves. James Dean

To my way of thinking, an actor's course is set even before he's out of the cradle. James Dean

Trust and belief are two prime considerations. You must not allow yourself to be opinionated. James Dean

When an actor plays a scene exactly the way a director orders, it isn't acting. It's following instructions. Anyone with the physical qualifications can do that. James Dean

Eleanor Roosevelt on Dreams

The accurate quote is "The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams." Actually, whether you believe your dreams are beautiful, or freightening, what you believe will determine your vision and your vision will become your reality.

Eleanor Roosevelt was a great woman and humanitarian who inspired millions with her courage and commitment to serve others. I hope you will believe strongly in the beauty of your dreams.

If you really believe, your dreams are more likely to become reality. When you vividly foresee your dreams and you then focus your belief system and actions intensely, like a laserbeam, they are more likely to be realized.

I have identified several of Mrs. Roosevelt's quotes below that I found on the web. I hope you enjoy them.

Burton Fletcher
http://www.usamonuments.com/
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A woman is like a tea bag- you never know how strong she is until she gets in hot water.
Eleanor Roosevelt

Do what you feel in your heart to be right - for you'll be criticized anyway. You'll be damned if you do, and damned if you don't.
Eleanor Roosevelt

Beautiful young people are accidents of nature, but beautiful old people are works of art.
Eleanor Roosevelt

Friendship with oneself is all-important, because without it one cannot be friends with anyone else in the world.
Eleanor Roosevelt

I think that somehow, we learn who we really are and then live with that decision.
Eleanor Roosevelt

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people.
Eleanor Roosevelt

I could not at any age be content to take my place in a corner by the fireside and simply look on.
Eleanor Roosevelt

Justice cannot be for one side alone, but must be for both.
Eleanor Roosevelt

If someone betrays you once, it’s their fault; if they betray you twice, it’s your fault.
Eleanor Roosevelt

It is not fair to ask of others what you are unwilling to do yourself.
Eleanor Roosevelt

Learn from the mistakes of others. You can’t live long enough to make them all yourself.
Eleanor Roosevelt

Life was meant to be lived, and curiosity must be kept alive. One must never, for whatever reason, turn his back on life.
Eleanor Roosevelt

One thing life has taught me: if you are interested, you never have to look for new interests. They come to you. When you are genuinely interested in one thing, it will always lead to something else.
Eleanor Roosevelt

The purpose of life is to live it, to taste experience to the utmost, to reach out eagerly and without fear for newer and richer experience.
Eleanor Roosevelt

You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, 'I have lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.' You must do the thing you think you cannot do.
Eleanor Roosevelt

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.
Eleanor Roosevelt, 'This Is My Story,' 1937

People grow through experience if they meet life honestly and courageously. This is how character is built.
Eleanor Roosevelt, My Day

Count Your Blessings

"Count your blessings" and appreciate life.

I was talking with a friend today and was informed that a relative "committed suicide." I have had numerous relatives commit suicide and I understand depression and the dangers it entails; however, I believe it is a very selfish act to commit suicide.

It is not for me to judge the individual who ends their own life; however, I believe there is unrecognized good in everyone's life and everyone should count their blessings.

It is a simple truth that life could be worse for just about everyone. No matter what your station in life, count your blessings and know that there are others worse off than yourself. With this knowledge, count your blessings and make the most of the challenges in your life. If not for yourself, for your family and friends. After all, it is the right thing to do.

Burton Fletcher
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Rules For Communication

I saw the referenced plaque in an antique store in Lake City, Florida. It reminds me that every business and individual needs self-imposed rules of conduct.

Today, I received an outrageous email from an acquaintance espousing a political view much different than my own. I called my acquaintance and gently informed him that my views were the polar opposite of his own.

I saw no need to be disagreeable or impolite and I did not attempt to change his viewpoint. I did inform him that my views were different than his and I then dropped the subject.

Sex, religion and politics are three subjects among many where great caution should be exercised. Relationships can be needlessly fractured by carelessly revealing views that are personal to the individual.

Use caution when discussing controversial topics and you will enjoy a happier life.

Burton Fletcher
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Scatter Seeds of Kindness and Find Peace

What gives you peace of mind? I suggest the acts of being kind to others is one of the ways you can reach inner peace. It is said that the act of giving benefits the giver more than the receiver. I feel an inner warmth when I "scatter seeds of kindness" by performing good deeds for others. I suggest that you will too.

Burton Fletcher
http://www.usamonuments.com/
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Whoo Hoo!!! You Rock.

"Whoo Hoo!!! You Rock."

I received this message today and it reminds me of the value of humor in communication. Whenever possible, a message delivered with humor stands out from all others.

When communicating, choose your words with your reader in mind, and both you and your reader will be glad you did.

Burton Fletcher
http://www.usamonuments.com/
http://www.callourlawyers.com/
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The Miracle of Friendship

Friendship is a gift and it does bring you happiness. Be greatful for your friends and cherish those relationships.



Burton Fletcher
http://www.usamonuments.com/
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Clock of Life

"The clock of life is wound but once
And no man has the power
To tell just when the hands will stop
At late or early hour

Now is the only time you own
Live, love, toil with a will
place no faith in tomorrow
The hands may then be still."

So, what do these words say to you? To me, they suggest we should live in the moment, enjoying that moment and making the most of the opportunity and good fortune to be alive. If you visit the cemetery, you will find a great many who have died at an age younger than you are now. They too lived. They died as you will too.

How we live is important and I would like to think that I have made the world a better place. How about you? Make the most of yourself and the time you own. Live, laugh and love.

Burton Fletcher
www.USAMonuments.com
www.CallOurLawyers.com
www.GeorgiaLoanClosers.com
www.GeorgiaSigningAgents.com

Live Well, Laugh Often, Love Much

"Live Well, Laugh Often, Love Much" are inspirational words that inspire me in my day-to-day living. How about you?

Do you have a Gregorian chant to provide yourself with positive self talk? If not, I suggest you reflect on your self talk and think about how you can pull yourself up when the world seems to be dragging you down.

"If it is to be, it is up to me," were words I used to push myself through law school years ago. I would repeat those words and reflect on the obvious wisdom that we are in control of our own destiny.

I encourage you to "Live Well, Laugh Often, Love Much" and to realize that life is all too short and you might as well make the most of it as there are no rehearsals. Celebrate your life!

Burton Fletcher

http://www.usamonuments.com/

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Imagination Is Everything

“Imagination is everything. It is the preview of life’s coming attractions.” Albert Einstein

Throughout my professional career, I have observed a great many people who excelled in the area of imagination. I believe myself to be imaginative and this skill has aided me throughout my career.

Those with imagination have more control over their lives, their future and their destiny.

Without imagination, you cannot see over the horizon, much less around the corner.

As Albert Einstein said, your “coming attractions” will be based upon your “imagination”, and the quality of your life will be more remarkable if you will develop and exercise your imagination. Today, we commonly call this skill “thinking outside the box.”

Burton Fletcher

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How To Have A Successful Marriage

Love, itself, is not enough for a successful relationship or marriage. A good relationship should precede marriage and a good relationship must be created. The attached picture suggests ways to improve the opportunity for success in a relationship as well as marriage. Try it!

Burton Fletcher

That Man Is A Success

What is success? The answer will vary depending upon the person and their stage of life.

A person who lives well, laughs often, who loves and who loves others, who has an appreciation of earth's beauty, and who is a dreamer and a pursuer of excellence. The ability to motivate others and who gives 100% of himself or herself. This person is a success!

Sigma Alpha Epsilon Honors Burton Fletcher With Order of The Lion Award

Burton Fletcher, a member of the Pensacola Area Alumni Association, http://www.pensacolasae.com/ supporting the Florida Sigma Chapter of Sigma Alpha Epsilon Fraternity, bestowed Valdosta attorney Burton Fletcher, the owner of Georgia Loan Closers.com, the distinguished “Order of The Lion” designation “for recognition of continued leadership, dedication and loyal service to the Fraternity.”

Fletcher is a long-time supporter of Sigma Alpha Epsilon Fraternity. He was initiated into the fraternity at the University of West Florida in 1974, graduated with a B.S. degree in Marketing in 1975, an MBA in 1976, and later received his Juris Doctorate with Honors from Western State University College of Law in 1980.

Fletcher has served in numerous leadership positions, including president of the fraternity and the board of directors of the House Corporation. The Order of the Lion Award is a prestigious honor for exceptional service to the fraternity.
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Family History Questionnaire

Family History Questionnaire, Family History, Family History Plaques, Family, Genealogy

We have a wonderful Family History Questionnaire on www.ValdostaMemorials.com at http://www.valdostamemorials.com/family_history_questionnaire.htm.

Burton Fletcher

Authorized Dealer of Music of the Spheres Windchimes

We are dealers of Music of the Spheres Windchimes. http://www.musicofspheres.com/chimesizes.html.

Let us help you save money with your purchase.

Burton Fletcher
Burton@USAMonuments.com

Friends Are Like Balloons

Friends Are Like Balloons!

A sharp tongue can cut my own throat.

If I want my dreams to come true, I mustn't oversleep.

Of all the things I wear, my expression is the most important.

The best vitamin for making friends. B1.

The happiness of my life depends on the quality of my thoughts.

The heaviest thing I can carry is a grudge.

One thing I can give and still keep...is my word.I lie the loudest when I lie to myself.

If I lack the courage to start, I have already finished.

One thing I can't recycle is wasted time.Ideas won't work unless 'I ' do.

My mind is like a parachute...it functions only when open.

The 10 commandments are not a multiple choice.

The pursuit of happiness is the chase of a lifetime!

It is never too late to become what I might have been.

Friends are like balloons; once you let them go, you might not get them back.

Sometimes we get so busy with our own lives and problems that we may not even notice that we've let them fly away.

Sometimes we are so caught up in who's right and who's wrong that we forget what's right and wrong.

Sometimes we just don't realize what real friendship means until it is too late.

I don't want to let that happen so I'm going to tie you to my heart so I never lose you.

Send this to all your friends including me and see how many you get back. Even send it to your balloons that you think have flown away forever.

Wonderful throughts from a friend to share with all of my friends who are both known and unknown.

Burton Fletcher
www.USAMonuments.com
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www.AtlantaLoanClosers.com

The World's Deadliest Shotgun

AA-12, the world's deadliest shotgun! I am amazed by the power of this weapon. I'm scratching my head in wonder about where this stands with the 2nd Amendment Crowd? No game is too big for this weapon and with squirrels, I suppose you just shoot down the tree and kill the squirrel that way!

I have heard that bigger is better, but this gives new meaning to that concept.

http://uk..youtube.com/watch?v=p4ebtj1jR7c&NR=1

Do What You Think Is Right!

I received a version of the following comments recently that I have edited.

A father, son, and donkey are walking to town and pass a guy who says, “Why would both of you walk when you have a donkey, one of you needs to ride the donkey or else that’s dumb!” The father looks at his son and says “He’s right; you need to get on the donkey.”

They pass another gentleman a mile later who says “How selfish of the boy to ride while his poor old dad walks, young man you need to let your Dad ride the donkey out of respect for your elders.” The son looks at his father and says “He’s right, Dad you need to get on the donkey, I’ll walk,” and then dad gets on the donkey.

A mile later they pass another gentleman who says “what kind of father is this, to allow his poor son to walk while he rides in comfort.”

The moral of the story, do what you think is right anyway; as others will always have differing opinions and suggestions.

Things You Would Love to Say - But Don't Dare

Strange Quotes:

"I just broke up with someone and the last thing she said to me was, 'You'll never find anyone like me again!' I'm thinking, 'I should hope not! If I don't want you, why would I want someone like you?' --Larry Miller

"A woman broke up with me and sent me pictures of her and her new boyfriend in bed together. Solution? I sent them to her dad." --Christopher Case

"A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study: Duh." --Conan O'Brien

"I don't know what's wrong with my television set. I was getting C-Span and the Home Shopping Network on the same station. I actually bought a congressman." --Bruce Baum

"Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives." --Sue Murphy

==================================

Today's Featured Humor : -) - Things You Would Love to Say - But Don't
Dare

You'd Love To Say It, But Don't Dare Part II

What am I?... Flypaper for freaks!

And your cry-baby whiny-butt opinion would be...?

Do I look like a people person?

I started out with nothing & still have most of it left.

Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.

If I throw a stick, will you leave?

Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.

Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.

I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.

A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.

Can I trade this job for what's behind door #1?

Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?

CHAOS, PANIC, & DISORDER - my work here is done.

How do I set a laser printer to stun?

I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.

Burton Fletcher
www.USAMonuments.com

Colonoscopies Are No Joke!

Colonoscopies are no joke , but these comments during the exam are quitehumorous.....

A physician claimed that the following were actual commentsmade by his patients (predominately male) while he was performing theircolonoscopies :

1. "Take it easy, Doc. You're boldly going where no man has gone before!

2. "Find Amelia Earhart yet?"

3. "Can you hear me NOW?"
4. "Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?"

5. "You know, in Arkansas , we're now legally married."

6. "Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?"

7. "You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out..."

8. "Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!"

9. "If your hand doesn't fit, you must quit!

10. "Hey Doc, let me know if you find my dignity."

11. "You used to be an executive at Enron, didn't you?"

12. "God, now I know why I am not gay."

13. "Should I smile for my Kodak Moment?"

And the best one of all...

14. "Could you write a note for my wife saying that my head is not up there?"

Burton Fletcher
www.USAMonuments.com

What Do You Say To Those Who Are Grieving?

What do you say to those in grief who has lost a loved one, whether that person was a human or a pet friend? How do you express yourself to comfort and support during a time of intense emotional distress? The following are words that are worthy of sharing so I am passing them along to my readers. I hope you enjoy them.

As the days and weeks pass, and as you return to life’s routine, may you continue to feel comforted by the love and support of family and friends.

I was so sorry to hear of your loss. Please let me know if there is anything I can do to help at this time.

I was so sorry to hear of your loss. The thoughts of many are with you at this time of sorrow.

May God bless you and your family in this time of sorrow.

May the love of friends and family carry you through your grief.

May your hearts soon be filled with wonderful memories of joyful times together as you celebrate a life well-lived.

My heart goes out to you at this time and in the days ahead.

My thoughts and prayers are with you in your time of grief. May your memories bring you comfort.

No bond is as great as that between a parent and child. Our deepest condolences are with you as you grieve.

Our hearts go out to you at this time and in the days ahead.

Our thoughts and prayers are with you in your time of grief. May your memories bring you comfort.

Please accept our deepest sympathies.

Take comfort in knowing that now you have a special guardian angel to watch over you.

The loss of someone so close is difficult to bear. We share your grief.

We were so sorry to hear of your loss. Please let us know if there is anything we can do to help at this time.

We were so sorry to hear of your loss. The thoughts of many are with you at this time of sorrow.

You are in our thoughts and prayers.

Take a peak at http://www.ruthann1.com for many other thoughtful expressions that may help you say or write words that are appropriate for the occasion.

Burton Fletcher
Burton@USAMonuments.com

After-Death Instructions

The following template may be of value to express your end-of-life wishes. If you do not provide your wishes in written form, you may look down from Heaven to see that there is confusion and misunderstanding as to your after-death instructions. Take the time to clearly communicate your wishes so your grieving relatives will not be likely to make ill-informed decisions after your death.

After-Death Instructions For (Your Name)

I, (Your Name), being of sound mind, do hereby specify and declare my wishes regarding the end of my life.

Coordinators: (Names) will be in charge of my burial arrangements. The two will be authorized to make decisions in accord with these instructions.

Donor: Parts of my body may be harvested as may be needed to aid the lives of others. This bequest includes my eyes, skin, bone and organs.

Cremation: After donor harvesting, I desire that my body be cremated.

Interment: I desire that my cremains be interred in a memorial bench in the _____________ Family Plots at the __________________ Church Cemetery in ____________, ________.

I desire that my ashes be placed in a blue urn in my possession. The urn of my companion, ______________ is pink. Both urns will be interred together. It is my desire that the wooden urn for my beloved pet, ___________, be interred with us. When my pets, ___________and __________ die, I desire that they be cremated and that their cremains be interred with our cremains. At that time, the cremation bench should be permanently sealed for security.

Viewing: I oppose any type of public viewing of my body. My body should be available for private viewing by my immediate family, without makeup and in a natural state, for two hours at the place of my death. Thereafter, I request that my body not be available for viewing.

Embalming: I oppose any embalming of my remains.

Funeral &
Memorial
Service: I oppose and desire that there be no public funeral or memorial service. Should the family desire an interment ceremony at the graveside, then it is my desire that _________ be in charge of the service.

Obituary: I desire that the attached obituary and photograph be published in the following newspapers:

Names, addresses, phone and email for newspapers.

Online Obituary: I desire that I have a permanent online obituary.

I declare that these are my requests on the date indicated. All previous instructions are null and void.

___________________________________
Date, Your Name and Signature

I declare that the above person personally appeared before me this date, executed this document, and asked that his wishes be performed in accord with these instructions.

___________________________________
Date, Printed Name and Signature of Witnesses



___________________________________
Date, Printed Name, Signature and Notarial Seal

To Practice Death Is To Practice Freedom

I received a message today with a reference to a website post worthy of attention.

"Men come and they go and they trot and they dance, and never a word about death. All well and good. Yet when death does come - to them, their wives, their children, their friends - catching them unawares and unprepared, then what storms of passion overwhelm them, what cries, what fury, what despair!

To begin depriving death of its greatest advantage over us, let us adopt a way clean contrary to that common one; let us deprive death of its strangeness, let us frequent it, let us get used to it; let us have nothing more often in mind than death... We do not know where death awaits us: so let us wait for it everywhere.

To practice death is to practice freedom. A man who has learned how to die has unlearned how to be a slave.

- Montaigne"

This Pastor Had Guts

The following message is circulating through cyberspace and I think it is worth giving a moment to pause, read and reflect on our values. You may or may not agree with every point; however, it should serve to give you ideas to consider.

This Pastor Had Guts

Thought you might enjoy this interesting prayer given in Kansas at the opening session of their Senate. It seems prayer still upsets some people.

Please read this message.

When minister Joe Wright was asked to open the new session of the Kansas Senate, everyone was expecting the usual generalities, but this is what they heard:

"Heavenly Father, we come before you today to ask your forgiveness and to seek your direction and guidance. We know your word says,"Woe to those who call evil good" but that is exactly what we have done.

We have lost our spiritual equilibrium and reversed our values.

We have exploited the poor and called it the lottery.

We have rewarded laziness and called it welfare.

We have killed our unborn and called it choice.

We have shot abortionists and called it justifiable.

We have neglected to discipline our children and called it building self esteem.

We have abused power and called it politics.

We have coveted our neighbor's possessions and called it ambition.

We have polluted the air with profanity and pornography and called it freedom of speech and expression.

We have ridiculed the time honored values of our forefathers and called it enlightenment.

Search us, oh, God, and know our hearts today; cleanse us from every sin and set us free. Amen!"

The response was immediate. A number of legislators walked out during the prayer in protest. In 6 short weeks, Central Christian Church, where Rev. Wright is pastor, logged more than 5,000 phone calls with only 47 of those calls responding negatively.

The church is now receiving international requests for copies of this prayer from India, Africa and Korea.

Commentator Paul Harvey aired this prayer on his radio Program, "TheRest of the Story," and received a larger response to this program than any other he has ever aired.

With the Lord's help, may this prayer sweep over our nation and wholeheartedly become our desire so that we again can be called "one nation under God."

If possible, please pass this prayer on to your friends."

If you don't stand for something, you will fall for anything."

Think about this: If you forward this prayer to everyone on your email list, in less than 30 days it would be heard by the world.

How many people in your address book will not receive this prayer.....do you have the guts to pass it on? I just did.

Mental Feng Shui

I received the following message from a friend. It has great words of advice.

"This is without a doubt one of the nicest good luck forwards I have received. There's some mighty fine advice in these words.

ONE. Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully.

TWO. Marry a man/woman you love to talk to. As you get older, their conversational skills will be as important as any other.

THREE. Don't believe all you hear, spend all you have or sleep all you want.

FOUR. When you say, "I love you," mean it.

FIVE. When you say, "I'm sorry," look the person in the eye.

SIX. Be engaged at least six months before you get married.

SEVEN. Believe in love at first sight.

EIGHT. Never laugh at anyone's dreams. People who don't have dreams don't have much.

NINE. Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it's the only way to live life completely.

TEN. In disagreements, fight fairly. No name calling.

ELEVEN. Don't judge people by their relatives.

TWELVE. Talk slowly but think quickly.

THIRTEEN. When someone asks you a question you don't want to answer, smile and ask, "Why do you want to know?"

FOURTEEN. Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk.

FIFTEEN. Say "bless you" when you hear someone sneeze.

SIXTEEN. When you lose, don't lose the lesson.

SEVENTEEN. Remember the three R's: Respect for self; Respect for others; and Responsibility for all your actions.

EIGHTEEN. Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship.

NINETEEN. When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.

TWENTY. Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your voice.

TWENTY- ONE. Spend some time alone. A true friend is someone who reaches for your hand and touches your heart.

A true friend is someone who reaches for your hand and touches your heart. "

An Update Regarding The Kenneth Kendrick Memorial

I received the following email from Becky Porter regarding an earlier article of mine relating to the Kenneth Kendrick Memorial shown with this article.

Ms. Porter was kind to share thoughts regarding my article and to highlight some of the many accomplishments of Kenneth Kendrick, a life well lived.

"Hello... My pastor mentioned something today in church that made me think of Kenneth Kendrick. After coming home I decided to look on the internet and see just what I could find out about Kenneth.

I ran across your article about the Kenneth Kendrick Memorial. You mentioned that there must be a story and you wish his monument had said more about his story, and you had wondered why he had died at the age of 43.

I have known Kenneth all my life. We were in kindergarden together. We came from a small town in Georgia, Metter. Kenneth was always different, but very artistic and as intelligent as anyone you have ever met. Anything, and I do mean anything, he did, he did it exceptionally well. He was very talented.

At college he studied art, excelling in all his studies. I believe one of his first careers was in designing logos. He won awards all over the world. He was one of the logoists used to design the new signage for Underground Atlanta when it underwent a huge remodeling . He did art work for Coke cans highlighting the summer Olympics in Montreal (I believe it was Montreal), did posters for Nancy Reagan's "Just Say No" drug campaign and many other accomplishments.

The last career he had was as art director of the Sunday magazine of the New York Times. Kenneth knew he was dying, he had AIDS, and he designed his monument that is there in the cemetary in Eldridge, Alabama. I have visited that grave more than once. His companion, Owen, is buried next to him now. He died a year or so later.

I hope I have not bored you but I just felt I should share some of his story. Kenneth was a unique person. Our class will be having our 40th class reunion May 12 and we will miss him.

Becky Porter
Lyons, Georgia"

Ms. Porter, you have honored me with your words humanizing the life of Kenneth Kendrick. I am happy to share your throughts regarding a remarkable life with my readers.

My original article may be read at http://www.valdostamemorials.com/articles/ArticleBalls.asp.

Burton Fletcher
www.USAMonuments.com
Tel: 229.245.8858
Burton@USAMonuments.com

The Future For Memorialization

Tom Roberts, president of the International Cemetery, Cremation and Funeral Association wrote an informative column in the January 2007 issue of the ICCFA Magazine that caught my attention.

Roberts' column addresses several topics including the increasing role of cremation and the challenges and opportunities for the death-care industry.

Roberts wrote of his recent trip to Beijing, Shanghai and Hong Kong, China and how he was highly impressed with the high quality products he observed in a country where "cremation is 98% of the market" and cremation rates in the U.S. are increasing annually.

We too have been very impressed with the high quality products we have manufactured in China for our clients.

Roberts wrote: "Their Chinese staff have traveled all over the world searching for new concepts to integrate into their properties to "perfect" their brand.Two of the cemeteries we toured, TianShou, Beijing (begun in 1997), and Fu Shou Yuan, Shanghai (begun in 1994), were nothing short of remarkable. The scenic beauty of gardens, fountains, monuments and features, set against a backdrop of mountains and rivers, truly illustrates that there is a future for cremation service and burial."

Gardens, fountains, monuments and scenery are harmonized to create a beautiful environment.

"A funeral house we visited serves 25,000 families per year. It provides a traditional funeral service before the family moves to the cemetery for a committal ceremony and then cremation at a third location. We were very impressed with the personalization demonstrated in their monuments."

Traditional funeral service, committal ceremony and cremation can be tied together in a manner that offers personalization that honors a life.

"Some sections require that each monument be individually designed to reflect the life and accomplishments of the individual. The cemeteries we visited have several design teams and artists available to meet with families for customization. In cities where the average per capita income is less than $8,000, many families choose to expend significant sums on their burial choices. This was not because they were persuaded to do so, but rather because the option was available and they found value and meaning in their selections."

Personalization through design teams should offer significant perceived value to the clients whom we serve.

I favor cemetery sections dedicated to original creations that reflect the life and accomplishments of individuals who have lived remarkable lives. This concept reminds me of zoning for homes. If you own a million dollar home, you would not want an old dilapidated, poorly maintained trailer next to your majestic beauty. Likewise, cemeteries can be harmonized by proper organization and management.

"In the land of cremation, what we encountered was not direct disposal without meaningful ceremony, but examples of memorialization, love, humanity, cultural recognition, life education and environmental considerations. Jìngzu, ancestor veneration-the honoring of the deeds, sacrifices and memories of the deceased-has a long tradition in China (as well as in some other countries around the world). As our culture moves toward increased cremation, these are concepts we must strive to maintain in what we provide."

Ancestor veneration is a great idea and one that I advocate with our Life History Plaques (SM). Likewise, "memorialization, love, humanity, cultural recognition, life education and environmental considerations" are important ideas to be considered as part of memorialization.

Roberts astutely recognizes that the public, and not the death-care industry, will decide the future for the industry. The industry is reinventing itself "while embracing universally accepted core values of remembrance, celebration of life and memorialization.

Source: Tom Roberts, CCE, ICCFA president for 2006-2007, is president of Allegheny Cemetery in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. www.alleghenycemetery.com. See http://icfa.org/roberts1.07.htm for Mr. Roberts' article.

Burton Fletcher

www.USAMonuments.com

Burton@USAMonuments.com

Listen To Your Friends And Live Within Your Means!

"Helen" was my student during the early 1980s, and like many of my former students, we have maintained a friendship over the years.

Helen and I had a recent conversation that I thought I might share with some of my readers.

Helen is a talented woman, now retired, and living an affluent lifestyle in a city far away from her family and friends of many years.

As will occur as we grow older, Helen has developed some health problems in recent years. Also, she has been living at or above her means for several years.

When Helen consulted me, my advice was to put her finances in order, she could either increase her stream of revenues or reduce her expenses.

Unfortunately, as we age, there are fewer career paths open to us as potential employers refuse to hire us as they are unwilling to carry the financial burden of medical insurance that would not exist with the hiring of a young worker.

Age and other forms of illegal discrimination are pervasive throughout our society. What can I say but, "Life is not fair!"

In reply to my advice, Helen wrote me a thank you note expressing the following:

"Burton, after speaking to you yesterday, I have decided to take your good advice and downsize. As you said, it is always good to get another person's perspective on your problem."

"Starting today, I plan to get the ball rolling towards selling this house and obtaining another in California, for a lot less money and upkeep. Instead of spending my life savings on this house and an expensive lifestyle, I need to be conservative and save for the future."

"You are right, at my age it is going to be very hard to get the job that I want, so getting my _________ license is the best way to earn an income without all of the hassles of a full time or part time job teaching. I plan to check on a _______ license for California."

"Thanks again for that reality check. I needed that advice to motivate me to take the necessary path that I need to follow to have a more prosperous future."

"I value your friendship. Thanks for being there for me."

Listen to those who care about you and who have valuable advice to share. If my advice is followed, as I expect it will be, my friend will live a longer and happier life.

A closed circle without external inputs perpetuates the same decisions of the past. If you want better results, something has to change to act as a catalyst that will bring about a different outcome in the dynamic world that we live.

Thank you, Helen! I value your friendship because you have been there for me too!

Listen to your friends and live within your means!

Burton Fletcher
www.USAMonuments.com

Note: I invite my readers to share their opinions and contributions by writing me at Burton@USAMonuments.com. From time to time, I post reader's comments on my blogs. A blog dedicated to the monument industry can be found at www.granitetroll.blogspot.com.

Who Will Write Your Legacy Obituary?

I start this column with the question, "Who will write your obituary?"

If you have lived a noteworthy life, you may be fortunate enough that television, magazines, radio and newspapers will publish the news of your passing with commentary and articles mourning your passing. For most of us, our passing will be only be noted in the obituary we write, provide to the funeral home, and we pay for inclusion in the obituary section of our local newspaper.

If you have lived a meaningful life, one that you are proud of, and one that should inspire your relatives and descendants, perhaps you should give serious consideration to writing your own obituary. Without a permanent record, details of your life will be lost to future generations.

When I was a boy, my older cousin, Thomas Lee "Tommy" Harper lived with our family for two years. After he moved away, we saw each other only occasionally.

Years later, Tommy died as a result of suicide. I have heard bits and pieces of the alleged facts, but the picture as a whole is unknown to me.

Last year, I visited Jacksonville, Florida for the purpose of photographing cemetery monuments and with the goal of visiting Tommy's grave and the graves of other relatives. With advance research and planning, I was able to locate Tommy's grave.

As the photo shows, it is a simple bronze marker. During the time that Tommy and I lost touch with each other, he had, apparently, served in the U.S. Army. Wow! This detail surprised me.

A clue to Tommy's life I thought! Unfortunately, other than the single clue, "U.S. Army" there is nothing else about Tommy's service in the military of our great country. How long did he serve? What training did he receive? Where was he stationed? Did he serve in Vietnam? What was his rank when he was discharged? Did he earn any medals? I wish a lot more clues had been left for the genealogist in the family.

How many details regarding your life will you leave for your ancestors? Will yours be a life with no more details than those left on your tombstone, or will you have a meaningful legacy obituary that summarizes the meaningful highlights of your life?

Think about it, but do much more than just thinking; how about taking action now, by making your end-of-life plans with your funeral home.

Write your legacy obituary and give detailed written instructions to your family and to the funeral home regarding your wishes. If you love your family, you should not add to the stressful burden your loss will bring, so be considerate and demonstrate your love for others and take action now. After all, it is the right thing to do.

Burton Fletcher
www.USAMonuments.com
Burton@USAMonuments.com

Genealogy--It's Not Just A Hobby, It's An Adventure!

I read the following tidbit message in an email today: "Genealogy--it's not just a hobby, it's an adventure!"

Think about those words for a moment.

"Genealogy--it's not just a hobby, it's an adventure!"

Yes, genealogy is an adventure! From personal experience, I can tell you that genealogy is very much an exciting pilgrimage to discover our heritage. I can credit, or blame, genealogy for serving as the stimulus to my entry into the monument industry as a memorialist. After traipsing through numerous cemeteries, I formed the opinion that I could improve memorialization, and I have for many families.

Sure, I enjoy setting a goal for myself to locate, visit and photograph the graves of my ancestors. The quest is an enjoyable experience to me. The opportunity to visit locations I would never visit, but for the challenge and adventure of the hunt, adds enjoyment to my life. Yes, genealogy is a rewarding experience.

One of the unfortunate aspects of monument building is the lack of effective story being perpetuated by the death-care industry.

Symbols, alone, will never tell a complete story and are often misinterpreted by those not versed in the study of symbols. The meaning of symbols changes or is forgotten over time. When well written, words are much more likely to communicate effectively generations from now.

Short obituaries, written by the grieving family, and often purposely short to save money in newspaper advertising fees, deny future generations important details, and clues, on the life of an individual. If you have ever had the privilege to read old obituaries, you can appreciate the deficiencies in modern obituaries that are often sanitized to hide the details of an individual's life story.

Likewise, most monuments have few details on the life of the deceased individual. Our Family History Plaques (SM) are a terrific and very economical resource for future generations and they present a treasure trove of information into perpetuity. See, http://www.valdostamemorials.com/LifeHistoryPlaques.asp.

Everyone has a story, but too many of those stories die with the individual and are a heritage lost. Instead of a gold mine, too many relatives discovery only a barren shaft in their search of their family tree.

Preserve your own family history and leave a legacy for the living and those unborn ancestors who will follow us decades and centuries from now. After all, it is the right thing to do!

Burton Fletcher
www.USAMonuments.com
Burton@USAMonuments.com

The Seven Habits Of Highly Effective People

Recently, a gentleman on another webpage suggested to another to "get a life." This advice may or may not be accurate, but it is always good to reflect on where you have been, where you are and where your life will be with and without changes in your lifestyle.

Said differently, I always think it is important and useful for everyone to take a look at their life to understand who they are and to compare who they are to who they might prefer to be.

Two thoughts I frequently expressed to my students during a long teaching career follow:

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing repeatedly while expecting a different result.

If you always do, what you have always done, then you will always get, what you have always gotten.

The thoughts express ideas on complacency, change, and the effects between ideas, actions and outcomes. Each is interconnected and is interdependent on the other.

I know of no better book than one I used to teach from back in 2000 when I taught several courses for a private university in Indiana titled, "7 Habits of Highly Effective People," and written by famed author, and public speaker, Stephen R. Covey.

An outline for this book, and a teaser follows. I invite my readers to purchase and take a long look at the different personality centers identified in the back of Mr. Covey's highly popular book on leadership.

Burton Fletcher
www.USAMonuments.com
Burton@USAMonuments.com


Seven Habits of Highly Effective People
(Stephen Covey)

1. Be Proactive

"Taking initiative does not mean being pushy, obnoxious, or aggressive. It does mean recognizing our responsibility to make things happen."

2. Begin With the End in Mind

"(This habit)...is based on imagination-- the ability to envision, to see the potential, to create with our minds what we cannot at present see with our eyes..."

3. Put First Things First

"Create a clear, mutual understanding of what needs to be accomplished, focusing on what, not how; results not methods. Spend time. Be patient. Visualize the desired result."

4. Think Win-Win

"Win-Win is a frame of mind that constantly seeks mutual benefit in all human interactions. Win-Win means that agreements or solutions are mutually beneficial and satisfying."

5. Seek First to Understand, Then to Be Understood

"'Seek First to Understand' involves a very deep shift in paradigm. We typically seek first to be understood. Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply. They're either speaking or preparing to speak. They're filtering everything through their own paradigms, reading their autobiography into other people's lives."

6. Synergize

"Synergy works; it's a correct principle. It is the crowning achievement of all the previous habits. It is effectiveness in an interdependent reality-- it is teamwork, team building, the
development of unity and creativity with other human beings."

7. Sharpening the Saw

"This is the habit of renewal...It circles and embodies all the other habits. It is the habit of continuous improvement...that lifts you to new levels of understanding and living each of the habits."

The following pages are from http://www.franklincovey.com/foryou/articles/seven.html

Stephen R. Covey

November 1991

I see seven unique human endowments or capabilities associated with The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People.

One way to revisit The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People is to identify the unique human capability or endowment associated with each habit.

Those associated with Habits 1,2 and 3 are primary human endowments. And if those endowments are well exercised, secondary endowments are bequeathed to the person through the exercise of Habits 4, 5 and 6. And the endowment associated with Habit 7 renew the process of growth and development.

Primary Endowments

The primary human endowments are 1) self-awareness or self-knowledge; 2) imagination and conscience; and 3) volition or will power. And the secondary endowments are 4) an abundance mentality; 5) courage and consideration; and 6) creativity. The seventh endowment is self-renewal. These are all unique human endowments; animals don't possess any of them. But, they are all on a continuum of low to high levels.

Associated with Habit 1:

Be Proactive is the endowment of self-knowledge or self-awareness an ability to choose your response (response-ability). At the low end of the continuum are the ineffective people who transfer responsibility by blaming themselves or others or their environment anything or anybody "out there" so that they are not responsible for results. If I blame you, in effect I have empowered you. I have given my power to your weakness. Then I can create evidence that supports my perception that you are the problem.

At the upper end of the continuum toward increasing effectiveness is self-awareness: "I know my tendencies; I know the scripts or programs that are in me; but I am not those scripts. I can rewrite my scripts." You are aware that you are the creative force of your life.You are not the victim of conditions or conditioning. You can choose your response to any situation, to any person. Between what happens to you and your response is a degree of freedom. And the more you exercise that freedom, the larger it will become.

As you work in your circle of influence and exercise that freedom, gradually you will stop being a "hot reactor" (meaning there's little separation between stimulus and response) and start being a cool, responsible chooser no matter what your genetic make-up may be, no matter how you were raised, no matter what your childhood experiences were, or what the environment is. In your freedom to choose your response lies the power to achieve growth and happiness.

Imagine what might happen if you could get every person inside a company to willingly act on the belief: "Quality begins with me. And I need to make my own decisions based on carefully selected principles and values." Proactivity cultivates this freedom. It subordinates your feelings to your values. You accept your feelings, "I'm frustrated, I'm angry, I'm upset. I accept those feelings; I don't deny or repress them. Now I know what needs to be done. I am responsible." That's the principle: "I am response-able."

So on the continuum, you go from being a victim to self -determining creative power through self-awareness of the power to choose your respons to any condition or conditioning.

Associated with Habit 2:

Begin With the End In Mind is the endowment of imagination and conscience. If you are the programmer, write the program. Decide what you're going to do with the time, talent, and tools you have to work with: "Within my small circle of influence, I'm going to decide."

At the low end of the continuum is the sense of futility about goals, purposes, and improvement efforts. After all, if you are totally a victim, if you are a product of what has happened to you, then what can you realistically do about anything? So you wander through life hoping things will turn out well, that the environment may be positive, so you can have your daily bread and maybe some positive fruits.

At the other end is a sense of hope and purpose: "I have created the future in my mind. I can see it, and I can imagine what it will be like." Animals can't do that. They may instinctively gather nuts for the winter, but they can't create a nut-making machine, nor do they ask the question, "Why do I do nuts? Why don't I get someone else to gather nuts for me?" Only humans examine such questions.

Only people have the capability to imagine a new course of action and pursue it conscientiously.

Why conscience? Because to be highly effective, your conscience must monitor all that you imagine, envision, and engineer. Those who attempt to exercise creativity without conscience inevitably create the unconscionable.

Or, at the very least, they exchange their creative talents for "canned goods," using their creativity their applied imagination and visual affirmations to win material things or social rewards. And then they become hopelessly imbalanced. They may speak the lines of the life balance script, but in reality their constitutions are written on the fleshy tablets of their spleen.

It is reaffirming to me to see that winners of the Academy Awards, for the most part, exhibit creativity with conscience. For example, Kevin Costner's Dances with Wolves made a beautiful statement about native Americans. The Academy knows that the film industry has enormous influence, and with that creative power must come conscientious social responsibility.

Practice using these two unique human capacities: First, see yourself going to the office this afternoon, or home tonight, and finding it in a terrible situation. The house is a total disaster. No one has done his or her job; all the commitments made have been unfulfilled. And you're tired and beat up.

Now, imagine, yourself responding to that reality in a mature, wise, self-controlled manner. See the effect that has on someone else.

You didn't confess their sins. You started to pitch in. You were cheerful, helpful, pleasant. And your behavior will prick the conscience of others and allow the consequences agreed upon to happen.

You just used two unique human capacities: imagination and conscience. You didn't rely on memory; if you had relied on memory or history, you might have lost your cool, made judgments of other people and exacerbated conditions.

Memory is built into your past responses to the same or similar stimuli. Memory ties you to your past. Imagination points you to your future. Your potential is unlimited, but to potentiate is to actualize your capabilities no matter what the conditions are.

In the book Man's Search For Meaning, Viktor Frankl, the Austrian psychiatrist imprisoned in the death camps of Nazi Germany in World War II, tells how he exercised the power to choose his response to his terrible conditions.

One day, he was subjected to experiments on his body. And he discovered, "I have the power to choose." And he looked for meaning. He believed that if you have a meaning (purpose or cause), if you have a why, you can live with any what. The development of his professional life came out of that one insight. He was raised in the Freudian tradition of psychic determinism.

He learned it was a lie. It wasn't based on science. It came from the study of sick people neurotics and psychotics not from the study of healthy, creative, effective people. He didn't go to his memory; he went to his imagination and conscience. You, too, can progress along the continuum from futility and old habits to faith, hope, and inner security through the exercise of conscience and imagination.

Associated with Habit 3:

Put First Things First is the endowment of willpower. At the low end of the continuum is the ineffective, flaky life of floating and coasting, avoiding responsibility and taking the easy way out, exercising little initiative or willpower. And at the top end is a highly disciplined life that focuses heavily on the highly important but not necessarily urgent activities of life. It's a life of leverage and influence.

You go from victim to creative resource, from futility to hope and anchorage, and from flaky to disciplined Habits 1, 2 and 3. One draws on self-awareness or self-knowledge; two draws on conscience and imagination; and three draws on willpower.

These are unique human endowments that animals don't possess. On the continuum, you go from being driven by crises and having can't and won't power to being focused on the important but not necessarily urgent matters of your life and having the will power to realize them. From Primary to Secondary

Endowments

The exercise of primary human endowments empowers you to use the secondary endowments more effectively.

Associated with Habit 4:

Think Win-Win is the endowment of an abundance mentality. Why? Because your security comes from principles. Everything is seen through principles. When your wife makes a mistake, you're not accusatory. Why? Your security does not come from your wife living up to your expectations. If your son, your husband, your friend, or your boss makes a mistake, you don't become accusatory, you look with compassion. Why? Your security does not come from them. It comes from within yourself. You're principle-centered.

As people become increasingly principle-centered, they love to share recognition and power. Why? It's not a limited pie. It's an ever-enlarging pie. The basic paradigm and assumption about limited resources is flawed. The great capabilities of people are hardly even tapped. The abundance mentality produces more profit, power, and recognition for everybody.

On the continuum, you go from a scarcity to an abundance mentality through feelings of intrinsic self-worth and a benevolent desire for mutual benefit.

Associated with Habit 5:

Seek First to Understand, Then to Be Understood is the endowment of courage balanced with consideration. Does it take courage and consideration to not be understood first? Think about it. Think about the problems you face. You tend to think, "You need to understand me, but you don't understand. I understand you, but you don't understand me. So let me tell you my story first, and then you can say what you want."

And the other person says, "Okay, I'll try to understand." But the whole time they're "listening," they're preparing their reply. They are just pretending to listen, selective listening. When you show your home movies or tell some chapter of you autobiography "let me tell you my experience" the other person is tuned out unless he feels understood.

What happens when you truly listen to another person? The whole relationship is transformed: "Someone started listening to me and they seemed to savor my words. They didn't agree or disagree, they just were listening and I felt as if they were seeing how I saw the world. And in that process, I found myself listening to myself. I started to feel a worth in myself."

The root cause of almost all people problems is the basic communication problem people do not listen with empathy. They listen from within their autobiography. They lack the skill and attitude of empathy. They need approval; they lack courage. Within their frame of reference, they say, "What can I do to please that person. He has this high need for control. Wait a minute, I'm the manager in control. I didn't come to listen I came to tell. When I want your opinion, I'll give it to you." The ability to listen first requires restraint, respect, and reverence. And the ability to make yourself understood requires courage and consideration. On the continuum, you go from fight and flight instincts to mature two-way communication where courage is balanced with consideration.

Associated with Habit 6:

Synergize is the endowment of creativity the creation of something. How? By yourself? No, through two respectful minds communicating, producing solutions that are far better than what either originally proposed. Most negotiation is positional bargaining and results at best in compromise. But when you get into synergistic communication, you leave position. You understand basic underlying needs and interests and find solutions to satisfy them both.

Two Harvard professors, Roger Fisher and William Ury, in their book Getting to Yes outline a whole new approach to negotiation.

Instead of assuming two opposing positions "I want that window open." "No, closed." "No, open." with occasional compromise half open half the time they saw the possibility of synergy. "Why do you want it open?" "Well, I like the fresh air." "Why do you want it closed?" "I don't like the draft." "What can we do that would give the fresh air without the draft."

Now, two creative people who have respect for each other and who understand each other's needs might say, "Let's open the window in the next room. Let's rearrange the furniture. Let's open the top part of the window. Let's turn on the air conditioning."

They seek new alternatives because they are not defending positions. Whenever there's a difference, say, "Let's go for a synergistic win-win. Let's listen to each other. What is your need?" "Well, I'm in just the mood for this kind of a movie. What would you like?"

Maybe you can find a movie or some other activity that would satisfy both. And you get people thinking. And if you get the spirit of teamwork, you start to build a very powerful bond, an emotional bank account, and people are willing to subordinate their immediate wants for long-term relationships.

One of the most important commitments in a family or a business is never to badmouth. Always be loyal to those who are absent if you want to retain those who are present. And if you have problems, you go directly to the person to resolve them. If you refuse to badmouth someone behind their back to another person, what does that person know. When somebody badmouths him behind his back, you won't join in.

For example, during times of death, divorce, and remarriages, there are typically many strained feelings in families over the settlements. Family members who feel slighted or cheated often say nasty things about other family members. Think how much pain and anguish might be spared if members of the family would adhere to two basic principles: 1) People and relationships in our family are more important than things (people on their death bed never talk about spending more time at the office they talk about relationships); and 2) When we have any difficulty or difference, we will go directly to the person. We are responsible for our own attitudes and behaviors, and we can choose our responses to this circumstance.

With courage and consideration, we will communicate openly with each other and try to create win-win solutions. On the continuum, you go from defensive communication to compromise transactions to synergistic and creative alternatives and transformations.

Associated with Habit 7:

Sharpen the Saw is the unique endowment of continuous improvement or self-renewal to overcome entropy. If you don't constantly improve and renew yourself, you'll fall into entropy, closed systems and styles. At one end of the continuum is entropy (everything breaks down), and the other end is continuous improvement, innovation, and refinement. On the continuum, you go from a condition of entropy to a condition of continuous renewal, improvement, innovation, and refinement.

My hope in revisiting the Seven Habits is that you will use the seven unique human endowments associated with them to bless and benefit the lives of many other people.

© 1996, 1998 Covey Leadership Center and FranklinCovey. All rights reserved. Copyright 2004 FranklinCovey 1-800-819-1812.

The Student Gives Great AdviceTo His Former Professor!

I have the good fortune to maintain contacts with previous students from a previous long career in education. I received the following message from a gentleman who was a student of mine more than 20 years ago. I hope you will agree that the student has shared great advice with his former professor.


"As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed to ever let you down probably will.

You will have your heart broken probably more than once and it's harder every time.

You'll break hearts too, so remember how it felt when yours was broken.

You'll fight with your best friend. You'll blame a new love for things an old one did.

You'll cry because time is passing too fast, and you'll eventually lose someone you love.

So take too many pictures, laugh too much, and love like you've never been hurt because every sixty seconds you spend upset is a minute of happiness you'll never get back.

Don't be afraid that your life will end, be afraid that it will never begin. "

Anonymous


Share with others the wisdom contained within these insightful and beautiful words. Take time to smell the roses through this journey we call life.

Burton Fletcher
www.USAMonuments.com
Burton@USAMonuments.com

Is Your Monument Builder Truly Creative?

I ask the question, "Is your monument builder truly creative?" because I believe a lot of monument companies are not. Obviously, some are very creative, but too many are luke warm sellers.

I read a comment from Bill Bates concerning the funeral industry that I have modified to apply to the monument industry.

"So many [monument companies] are afraid to risk rejection or to look foolish that they stifle their creativity. In so doing they sell out for a luke warm career when their work in [monument] service could be exciting. They miss making as healing, dynamic and creative contributions to others that they could. If I can say any one thing to the young people in [the monument industry] it would be, “your creativity is yours, it is inside of you and no one else. If you don’t connect with it and offer it, every one loses.”

Bill is right about his opinions of the funeral industry and I am right about my opinions regarding the monument industry.

Well constructed monuments facilitate healing, and family pride, but too many monuments are "me too" boring products that offer very little to memorialization.

Use your creativity and passion to educate clients on the possibilities for the creation of legacy memorials.

No one should enter a field seeking "a luke warm career." You owe your clients your imagination.

Burton Fletcher
www.USAMonuments.com
Burton@USAMonuments.com

Support Our Military/Damn The Politicians/"In Flanders Fields"

If you have read my other posts, you know I am an unabashed memorialist, which is quite different from a monument builder.

I read an article today regarding the Marines in Iraq and how the Marines have lost so many of their comrades that they have learned much about the ceremony of burial.

One reference within the article I read, was published by the Los Angeles Times. See, http://latimesblogs.latimes.com/frontline/2006/12/saying_farewell.html. "Saying Farewell" is a well-written post that I enjoyed greatly.

It references the famous poem, "In Flanders Fields." See, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/In_Flanders_Fields.

Our good men and women are being sacrificed in a war that we should never have fought. Support our military, but damn the politicians that got us into an unjust war!


Burton Fletcher
www.USAMonuments.com
Burton@USAMonuments.com

New Blog, The Granite Troll

There is a new blog that we want to share with those in the monument industry. It is called The Granite Troll and it has the purpose of making fun of folks within the monument industry.

See http://www.granitetroll.blogspot.com/ and share your thoughts with The Granite Troll.

Are Internet-Based Monument Companies Naturally More Creative?

As reflected in the title to this article, I pose my question as it reflects a discussion that needs to be had within the death-care industry relating to creativity. I have long argued that the monument industry has not been creative enough, preferring instead to earn a quick buck at the expense of creating a legacy memorial for their clients. This lack of creativity has filled cemeteries with “me-too” monuments that are boring and unattractive.

Bill Bates, the President of a death-care industry training program for funeral homes sent me an email titled, “On Becoming Creative.” Bill is a leader in creativity in the death-care industry so his words should receive rapt attention.

“Words can be powerful; especially the words that make up loving eulogies and the ones we use to honor others, yet words are but symbols of symbols, thus twice removed from truly effective communication. If words only, form the bases of funeral ceremonies, which they have in the American funeral, they of their nature must fail to fully capture the essence of an individual beyond the material facts and figures of his or her life. The fact that an individual graduated from college, had a dynamic and successful career, was married, a father and grandfather and retired says little about his heart, his victories and defeats, his courage in the face of adversity.”

“The ability to creatively demonstrate each individual’s accomplishments, religious, spiritual or philosophically perspectives and relationships form the basis or foundation of good funerals. They give meaning to the word personalization or interactive funeral ceremony.”

“Creative ceremonies go beyond the use of words to tell a story and communicate the meaning of a life. Some level of creativity is required to symbolize such things as goodness, integrity, love, kindness, tenacity, courage and all of the stuff we value about being human that lies beneath the activity of a life. A picture truly becomes worth a 1000 words when we can show the beauty in loving relationships through participation or when we can creatively demonstrate the characteristics that others loved in the deceased. Our ability to paint the picture energizes the experience and moves family and friends, impacting their perception of value in the experience.”

Bill gets it! He understands something very important that a lot of funeral homes and monument companies have failed to understand and express through their work. As a whole, the monument industry has not been as creative as it could or should have been as many folks entered the industry as mediocre tradesmen, lacking in big-picture creativity or communication skills to truly educate the consumer.

Thanks to online retailers, such as http://www.usamonuments.com/, traditional monument companies are crawling slowly toward the Internet scene as consumers are demanding the shop-from-home convenience and creativity that the Internet-based memorialist offers.

If a company is creative on the Internet, then they are more likely to be creative in memorializing a loved one’s legacy.

If you want to purchase a mediocre monument, it really doesn’t matter as much where you purchase, and price alone may be the primary focus of your commodity purchase.

However, if you want an heirloom memorial, look at the creativity of the memorialist and you are more likely to achieve something special in memorilizing yourself through a preneed purchase, or in memorializing a loved one.

Remember, Bill gets it! I hope you do too!


Burton Fletcher
http://www.usamonuments.com/
Burton@USAMonuments.com

Local Monument Companies Are Defensive Regarding Online Competition

In reply to my thoughts on the impact of online competition on the local monument company, an individual who I will call Mr. Monroe, wrote his opinions that demonstrate the defensiveness of local monument companies in regard to online competition such as www.USAMonuments.com.

“It's not like shopping for a brand name product with a model number that is exactly the same no matter where it’s purchased from. You can even shop for a car much easier than you can for a monument.”

Actually, more and more auto dealers are using the Internet to provide prospective purchasers shop-from-home convenience. Consumers often shop locally and then purchase online or vice versa. There is plenty of business for different channels of distribution.

If a company has a high-quality Internet site, there is a high probability that the consumer will be satisfied with the final memorial product. Conversely, if a local monument company operates out of a shack, with a display of "me-too," same color samples and boring designs, and without a high-quality website, then there is a high probability that the consumer will not have a superior heirloom memorial when manufacturing is completed. Buyer beware!

“With so many varying degrees of workmanship not to mention the different names being used like *classic gray* that could mislead a consumer into thinking it's that common *Barre gray* seen throughout his cemetery until he notices that his gray is holding moisture and always looks damp with dark spots.”

Numerous online photos and granite samples are used by online sellers to effectively communicate to purchasers what they are buying. No responsible local or Internet-based company wants consumer complaints and no responsible company is going to intentionally mislead a consumer. We have numerous satisfied clients with a sampling of our wide variety of products shown on our website.

If anything, online sellers work harder to develop relationships as they do not have in-your-pocket relationships with local funeral homes who often receive kickbacks from monument companies. Online monument companies work independently of these home-town practices that cause prices to be higher than necessary.

Communication is critical and online marketing, if used wisely, is an excellent communication tool. Our company serves local, national and international markets that clue us into upcoming trends in other markets.

“I set a granite marker for an online company (I won't do it again) and the marker was Georgia gray with a flat carving filled with black litho. She told me she shopped around and the local companies were more expensive. I said to her they probably wouldn't have been more expensive if they understood what they were quoting against. You thought you saved money, but this online company cut corners to save itself money and appear more competitive. It wasn't an apples vs. apples comparison. To me, shopping online for a monument is much like opening a box of Cracker Jacks - you never know what you are going to get.”

Mr. Monroe, you won’t receive an argument from me regarding the importance of comparison shopping. Poor workmanship is not unique to any one facet of the industry; however, you overstate your case by comparing online sellers to opening a box of Cracker Jacks.

If you were truly consumer focused, you would install monuments for out-of-state companies as that would best serve the needs of the folks whom you serve. You are in a service industry and you should never forget that important fact.

Actually, high-quality online sellers provide detailed designs before manufacture, and photos of the finished product before the manufactured goods are shipped, so the consumer is assured of satisfaction before making final payment.

I would argue that the entire monument industry has serious problems in quality control, especially in the installation phase of monument construction.

“The begging question remains, who is more likely to stand behind their product and replace it if necessary, the local business with word of mouth reputation at stake? Or the out of state online company?”

Online companies are increasingly your local competitor who adopts a consumer orientation. An online competitor with ample photos of products they have actually produced assures the public that the company is one of substance. Unfortunately, no company can guarantee 100% satisfaction 100% of the time. Sadly, there are folks in this world who are impossible to please. We have all had negative experiences with this sort of personality.

I predict a continuing blending between store-front and online advertising as the business model that most merchants will follow. I have observed lots of shoddy workmanship by store-front businesses and the superior craftsmanship of products shown online has opened opportunities for interstate marketing for local mom-and-pop businesses.

I invite anyone to deny that you can visit most cemeteries where you will readily see a wide assortment of monuments improperly installed, wretchedly designed and poorly manufactured by local monument companies.

There have been numerous examples of serious problems in the death-care industry where local companies took the money and did not produce as they promised. The public cannot be fooled as they have seen for themselves that many problems show up after the local monument company has gone out of business due to poor quality control, financial mismanagement, poor health or death of the owner, et cetera.

Long ago, Henry Ford, with inadequate competition, spoke words to the effect that the consumer could have any color they wanted as long as it was black. The U.S. monument industry continues to resist change and for too long offered the public its choices of gray granite when the consumer wanted greater variety of colors and styles.

Eventually, the public looked for alternatives outside the neighborhood market as the local monument company was slow to meet the changing demands of its market. If you fail to satisfy your market, you will lose market share, and that is a lesson for all businesses, regardless of the industry in which they compete. The Internet is a great place to shop and buy and will continue to impact local monument companies that fail to adapt to change. Adapt or die is my motto!

Burton Fletcher
www.USAMonuments.com
Burton@USAMonuments.com

Online Marketing Has Changed The Monument Business For The Better!

Our company has both a local and an online presence serving a local, national and international clientele. Like the progressive company we are, we chose to have a powerful online presence; however, with that said, our online presence is significantly stronger than most monument companies in the U.S. market. See www.USAMonuments.com a/k/a www.BigBeautifulMonuments.com and form your own opinion.

I read a fellow online who I will call Mr. Granite Chips wrote, “I know many common commodity items are routinely purchased over the internet with great convenience. However, is it really wise for consumers to purchase custom crafted products such as granite memorials via the internet? We as memorialists all know too well that granite monuments can and usually do vary greatly in quality, craftsmanship, shape carving, deep roses, etching, sandblast, hand carving, lettering just to name several as well as grade of granite being used perhaps more than any other product in the marketplace?”

Mr. Chips, makes his points as best he can; however, I think it is also clear that he does not have a significant online presence. If he did, he would know that companies that sell online offer greater variety, shop-from-home convenience and excellent craftsmanship, often far superior to the local marketplace, and without high pressure sales during the grieving process.

Another monument dealer who I will call Mr. Yankee Stonecrafter wrote in reply to Mr. Chips, “I as recently as yesterday was directed to a website by a customer who saw something that gave them some ideas for a family monument. They were using the internet for reference, but not to purchase. The customers volunteered that they would not buy a monument over the internet because as they say “seeing is believing.” There are always going to be people who will buy anything and everything on the net, just as there were people before the net existed who didn't care about craftsmanship or quality, only price. "

Mr. Yankee could also have said that there are always going to be folks who purchase locally without paying adequate attention to the wide selection offered over the Internet. Internet designs are seen and these same designs are not offered in the displays of most brick-and-mortar companies. If you want unique, you should shop online. If you want a traditional commodity purchase, then you may still want to shop online for the savings we can offer.

Mr. Yankee continued, writing, "The internet has only made it easier for those types of customers to shop. I think it may help some of us who do care about quality and craftsmanship in the long run by helping to choke out the dealers have no business representing our craft. The internet is great reference tool, the best. However I believe that is where it ends. Or course there is the porno and that's a big plus.”

I won't comment on Mr. Yankee's admitted Internet viewing habits; however, I appreciate his admission that the Internet has made it easier for consumers to shop. Anyone who invests in the technology of the Internet is likely to offer superior creativity and construction of truly unique designs.

I took editorial license to edit the words of these two monument builders. I do not consider myself to be in competition with their companies as I am a unique memorialist more than a monument builder and I suspect they serve only a limited geographic market.

Also, I seek to avoid the commodities market in which so many monument companies market themselves. Instead, we seek a market niche of often upscale, unique, and one-of-a-kind designs.

In addition, I frequently receive calls from prospective clients who advise me that the local monument company representative was impolite, ill informed, offered a limited selection, or offered a price that was significantly higher than the price offered by my company. I also frequently take business from competitors who dominate the Internet with their online presence.

There are all types of prospective and actual clients, just as there are a wide variety of business people in this world. There is plenty of business to go around! Clients can view our offerings to instantly see that we are conscientious, offer creativity and high-quality products. My advice to anyone knew to the monument industry is to carve your niche and you will succeed, regardless of your business platform.

Too many of our competitors have a small sampling of me-too monuments that perpetuates the status quo in the marketplace. Cemeteries are filled with what I call Cliche Monuments with the same color and the same serpentine top with little, if any, imagination or story telling.

I suspect the home-town monument builder has been helped more than hurt by the online reseller as there were a lot of very poor and boring designs as well as inferior workmanship before the online retailers educated consumers on the wide assortment of options available. We offer more than mere shop-from-home convenience, but also great prices with some of the finest workmanship to be found anywhere.

We are proud to create unique memorial products and we prefer to leave the focus on commodity sales to others. Our clients are often discriminating, high-end purchasers and they will continue to be our primary market niche in the future.

I got into this business to shape opinions and change market practices as I saw significant deficiencies in memorialization that I sought to change. As one of the most published memorialists in the United States, I am proud of our positive impact in the marketplace.

As with so many other industries, online marketing has forced brick-and-mortar businesses to modify their business practices to satisfy a consumer who is often demanding and fickle. Those monument companies that refuse to adapt will die off, for they perpetuate the past more than shape the future.


Burton Fletcher
http://www.usamonuments.com/
Burton@USAMonuments.com

Copyright 2006. All Rights Reserved.

Are You A Fool Who Doesn't Know It?

How you respond to the title question, "Are You A Fool Who Doesn't Know It?" may be more indicative of your status as a fool than any other question I might pose to you.

Most of us are fools from time to time. I suspect it is very rare for any person to not be a fool occasionally. That is a lofty standard that I have been unable to achieve throughout my life.

Normally, I act in a manner that is probably regarded by most of the world as anything but foolish, but all of us have elements within our personalities that opens us to foolish behaviors.

When the scales are balanced, I believe most of my actions would be considered as well-considered, and anything but foolish. I will allow my enemies to provide the counterpoints, but by doing so, they demonstrate to me that they are fools themselves.

Like most words, there are different meanings for the word “fool.” Wisely, I consulted the American Heritage Dictionary, which defines a fool as a person who is regarded as deficient in judgment, sense, or understanding. Does this sound familiar?

The fool may act unwisely on a given occasion, perhaps by refusing to acept a job, or by being tricked or made to appear ridiculous; a dupe.

From time to time in my life, I have been fooled, as I was deceived or tricked by others, and sometimes I was confounded. I have fooled around with good and sometimes not so good humor. Often, I have behaved comically.

Typically, I think I am not a fool, as many have expressed that I am a person regarded as anything but deficient in judgment, sense or understanding. And, usually, I act wisely.

On occasion, I have been tricked or made to appear ridiculous, but, typically, I am no person's fool. I may sometimes be a fool voluntarily too. Life is that way. More of us are fools or have acted foolish than those of us who are willing to admit it.

There are many terms to describe a fool, and far too many for me to even begin to identify them all in this column. Some synonyms found in my dictionary that I like a bit more than others are ignoramus, dimwit, numskull, dunce, bonehead, turkey, and narrow mind. Still, others I like are knucklehead, dingbat, nitwit, and chump. If you have ever been called any of these words, then someone was calling you a fool.

I conclude with a few quotes an internet pal shared with me today. Think about the wisdom expressed within these quotes for more than a moment, and reflect on the question: "Are you a fool who doesn't know it?"

Strange Quotes about "Fools"

Get the fools on your side and you can be elected to anything. - Frank Dane

A man who cannot reason is a fool, a man who will not reason is a bigot, and a man who dare not reason is a slave. - William Drummond

If a million people believe a foolish thing, it is still a foolish thing. - Anatole France

The heart of a fool is in his mouth, but the mouth of a wise man is in his heart. - Benjamin Franklin

Fools' names, like fools' faces, Are often seen in public places. - Thomas Fuller

Zeal is fit only for wise men, but is found mostly in fools. - Thomas Fuller

A wise man gets more use from his enemies than a fool from his friends. - Baltasar Gracian

There are more fools in the world than there are people. - Heinrich Heine

We must learn to live together as brothers or perish together as fools. - Martin Luther King, Jr.

The silliest woman can manage a clever man; but it needs a very clever woman to manage a fool. - Rudyard Kipling "Plain Tales from the Hills"

Burton Fletcher
www.USAMonuments.com
Burton@USAMonuments.com

Speaking Our Minds & The True Gentleman

On a frequent basis, I read poisonous remarks written by some members of the monument industry. They seldom contribute anything useful to the dialogue, and they are quick to attack others in a broken-record fashion similar to a spam attack. These hatemongers seem determined to harm others.

I try my best to be a positive person. As a matter of principle, we should avoid negative persons for they often lie on a bed of inner turmoil consisting of unresolved adolescent anger that has held them back throughout their adult life.

We should speak our minds, but we should do so responsibly, and without intentionally hurting others unless necessity calls for it. As a pledge to Sigma Alpha Epsilon Fraternity during the spring of 1974, I was called upon to memorize and recite "The True Gentleman" verbatim.

I was successful in this endeavor and I received a certificate for my ability to recite "The True Gentleman" in chapter without mistakes. There were no redos and you were only given one opportunity to accomplish the task.

The True Gentleman is the standard to which everyone should seek to strive. When we fall short of that standard, we should try harder, as it is not easy to be the True Gentleman.

Please read the words of "The True Gentleman" slowly and carefully and think about the message the poem expresses. I invite you to make yourself a better person by following its advice. If you follow the instruction of The True Gentleman you will be a better person.

The True Gentleman

"The True Gentleman is the man whose conduct proceeds from good will and an acute sense of propriety, and whose self-control is equal to all emergencies; who does not make the poor man conscious of his poverty, the obscure man of his obscurity, or any man of his inferiority or deformity; who is himself humbled if necessity compels him to humble another; who does not flatter wealth, cringe before power, or boast of his own possessions or achievements; who speaks with frankness but always with sincerity and sympathy; whose deed follows his word; who thinks of the rights and feelings of others, rather than his own; and who appears well in any company, a man with whom honor is sacred and virtue safe.

- John Walter Wayland "

Burton Fletcher
www.USAMonuments.com
Burton@USAMonuments.com

13 Reasons to Smile

Life is often too serious and I like to take a few moments each day to smile. There is humor all around us if we will only take the time to see it. I received the following "13 Reasons to Smile," in an email from one of my college buddies this morning, and it brought a smile to my face, so I am sharing it with you. The author is unknown, but someone understood a lot about life as I am certain you will agree after you read these "13 reasons to smile."

Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my own pants.

Marriage changes passion. Suddenly you're in bed with a relative.

I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it. So I said "Implants?" She hit me.

How come we choose from just two people to run for president and over fifty for Miss America?

A good friend will come and bail you out of jail...but, a true friend will be sitting next to you saying, "Wow...that was fun!"

I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose-fitting clothing. If I HAD any loose-fitting clothing, I wouldn't have signed up in the first place!

When I was young we used to go "skinny dipping," now I just "chunky dunk."

Don't argue with an idiot; people watching may not be able to tell the difference.

Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply press 'Ctrl Alt Delete' and start all over? AMEN, AMEN !!

Why is it that our children can't read a Bible in school, but they can in prison?

Wouldn't you know it... Brain cells come and brain cells go, but FAT cells live forever.

Why do I have to swear on the Bible in court when the Ten Commandments cannot be displayed outside?

Bumper sticker of the year: "If you can read this, thank a teacher -and, since it's in English, thank a soldier"

And remember: life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.

Author unknown

Burton Fletcher
www.USAMonuments.com
Burton@USAMonuments.com

Emoticons: A Tool For Living Well!

I like emoticons, those little smiling keyboard symbols that are used to communicate a shorthand lingo for emotions in our communications through the Internet, e.g., ;o), :o(, and a host of other symbols.

An Internet pal sent one out on a listeserver today, <@:( , that reminded me of the subject. I'm not sure, but I think he was saying his pal was a dunce.

Some emoticons are obvious to most folks such as ;o) (a wink with the smiling face), but there are many others and a lot of emoticons are subtle and not obvious to many people.

If you have kids, you can bet they know and use this secret Internet language to communicate to their friends in shorthand.

Since we now use the Internet as a frequent medium of communication, and we all know that the written word is often misinterpreted, emoticons help convey emotions that clue our readers into our mood, or moods, and whether we are communicating with seriousness or humor.

I enjoy writing and it is a talent that I have developed over a lifetime. I am not perfect with the tools of grammar--far from it-- however, I write well enough to communicate the points I wish to make in a manner that others are able to understand me.

For a sampling of humorous emoticons, See http://messenger.yahoo.com/hiddenemoticons.php .

For those who want to learn more about the subject, just use www.google.com or www.yahoo.com and use "emoticons" as your search term.

I suspect someone, somewhere, may be using emoticons now to give meaning to words on a headstone. Hey, who knows, I may be on to something here! ;o)

Burton Fletcher
www.USAMonuments.com
Burton@USAMonuments.com

The Funeral Blues

Funeral Blues

Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone,
Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone,
Silence the pianos and with muffled drum
Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come.

Let aeroplanes circle moaning overhead
Scribbling on the sky the message He is Dead.
Put crepe bows round the white necks of the public doves,
Let the traffic policemen wear black cotton gloves.

He was my North, my South, my East and West,
My working week and my Sunday rest,
My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song;
I thought that love would last forever: I was wrong.

The stars are not wanted now; put out every one,
Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun,
Pour away the ocean and sweep up the woods;
For nothing now can ever come to any good.

-- W.H. Auden

I read this remarkable poem online. I think it is a wonderful poem, made even more so when the background of the author is understood.

The source for this poem was: http://redfordgaomingzhe.spaces.live.com/Blog/cns!FAF0820DF2893E30!136.entry

Burton Fletcher
www.USAMonuments.com
Burton@USAMonuments.com

Funerals: A FTC Consumer Guide

When a loved one dies, grieving family members and friends often are confronted with dozens of decisions about the funeral - all of which must be made quickly and often under great emotional duress. What kind of funeral should it be? What funeral provider should you use? Should you bury or cremate the body, or donate it to science? What are you legally required to buy? What other arrangements should you plan? And, as callous as it may sound, how much is it all going to cost?

Each year, Americans grapple with these and many other questions as they spend billions of dollars arranging more than 2 million funerals for family members and friends. The increasing trend toward pre-need planning - when people make funeral arrangements in advance - suggests that many consumers want to compare prices and services so that ultimately, the funeral reflects a wise and well-informed purchasing decision, as well as a meaningful one.

A Consumer Product

Funerals rank among the most expensive purchases many consumers will ever make. A traditional funeral, including a casket and vault, costs about $6,000, although "extras" like flowers, obituary notices, acknowledgment cards or limousines can add thousands of dollars to the bottom line. Many funerals run well over $10,000.

Yet even if you're the kind of person who might haggle with a dozen dealers to get the best price on a new car, you're likely to feel uncomfortable comparing prices or negotiating over the details and cost of a funeral, pre-need or at need. Compounding this discomfort is the fact that some people "overspend" on a funeral or burial because they think of it as a reflection of their feelings for the deceased.

Pre-Need

To help relieve their families of some of these decisions, an increasing number of people are planning their own funerals, designating their funeral preferences, and sometimes even paying for them in advance. They see funeral planning as an extension of will and estate planning.

Planning

Thinking ahead can help you make informed and thoughtful decisions about funeral arrangements. It allows you to choose the specific items you want and need and compare the prices offered by several funeral providers. It also spares your survivors the stress of making these decisions under the pressure of time and strong emotions.

You can make arrangements directly with a funeral establishment or through a funeral planning or memorial society - a nonprofit organization that provides information about funerals and disposition but doesn't offer funeral services. If you choose to contact such a group, recognize that while some funeral homes may include the word "society" in their names, they are not nonprofit organizations.

One other important consideration when planning a funeral pre-need is where the remains will be buried, entombed or scattered. In the short time between the death and burial of a loved one, many family members find themselves rushing to buy a cemetery plot or grave - often without careful thought or a personal visit to the site. That's why it's in the family's best interest to buy cemetery plots before you need them.

You may wish to make decisions about your arrangements in advance, but not pay for them in advance. Keep in mind that over time, prices may go up and businesses may close or change ownership. However, in some areas with increased competition, prices may go down over time. It's a good idea to review and revise your decisions every few years, and to make sure your family is aware of your wishes.

It's a good idea to review and revise your decision every few years.

Put your preferences in writing, give copies to family members and your attorney, and keep a copy in a handy place. Don't designate your preferences in your will, because a will often is not found or read until after the funeral. And avoid putting the only copy of your preferences in a safe deposit box. That's because your family may have to make arrangements on a weekend or holiday, before the box can be opened.

Prepaying Millions of Americans have entered into contracts to prearrange their funerals and prepay some or all of the expenses involved. Laws of individual states govern the prepayment of funeral goods and services; various states have laws to help ensure that these advance payments are available to pay for the funeral products and services when they're needed. But protections vary widely from state to state, and some state laws offer little or no effective protection. Some state laws require the funeral home or cemetery to place a percentage of the prepayment in a state-regulated trust or to purchase a life insurance policy with the death benefits assigned to the funeral home or cemetery.

If you're thinking about prepaying for funeral goods and services, it's important to consider these issues before putting down any money:

What are you are paying for? Are you buying only merchandise, like a casket and vault, or are you purchasing funeral services as well?

What happens to the money you've prepaid? States have different requirements for handling funds paid for prearranged funeral services.

What happens to the interest income on money that is prepaid and put into a trust account?

Are you protected if the firm you dealt with goes out of business?

Can you cancel the contract and get a full refund if you change your mind?

What happens if you move to a different area or die while away from home? Some prepaid funeral plans can be transferred, but often at an added cost.

Be sure to tell your family about the plans you've made; let them know where the documents are filed. If your family isn't aware that you've made plans, your wishes may not be carried out. And if family members don't know that you've prepaid the funeral costs, they could end up paying for the same arrangements. You may wish to consult an attorney on the best way to ensure that your wishes are followed.

The Funeral Rule

Most funeral providers are professionals who strive to serve their clients' needs and best interests. But some aren't. They may take advantage of their clients through inflated prices, overcharges, double charges or unnecessary services. Fortunately, there's a federal law that makes it easier for you to choose only those goods and services you want or need and to pay only for those you select, whether you are making arrangements pre-need or at need.

The Funeral Rule, enforced by the Federal Trade Commission, requires funeral directors to give you itemized prices in person and, if you ask, over the phone. The Rule also requires funeral directors to give you other information about their goods and services. For example, if you ask about funeral arrangements in person, the funeral home must give you a written price list to keep that shows the goods and services the home offers. If you want to buy a casket or outer burial container, the funeral provider must show you descriptions of the available selections and the prices before actually showing you the caskets.Many funeral providers offer various "packages" of commonly selected goods and services that make up a funeral. But when you arrange for a funeral, you have the right to buy individual goods and services. That is, you do not have to accept a package that may include items you do not want.

According to the Funeral Rule:

you have the right to choose the funeral goods and services you want (with some exceptions).

the funeral provider must state this right in writing on the general price list.

if state or local law requires you to buy any particular item, the funeral provider must disclose it on the price list, with a reference to the specific law.

the funeral provider may not refuse, or charge a fee, to handle a casket you bought elsewhere.

a funeral provider that offers cremations must make alternative containers available.

What Kind of Funeral Do You Want?

Every family is different, and not everyone wants the same type of funeral. Funeral practices are influenced by religious and cultural traditions, costs and personal preferences. These factors help determine whether the funeral will be elaborate or simple, public or private, religious or secular, and where it will be held. They also influence whether the body will be present at the funeral, if there will be a viewing or visitation, and if so, whether the casket will be open or closed, and whether the remains will be buried or cremated.

Among the choices you'll need to make are whether you want one of these basic types of funerals, or something in between.

"Traditional," full-service funeral

This type of funeral, often referred to by funeral providers as a "traditional" funeral, usually includes a viewing or visitation and formal funeral service, use of a hearse to transport the body to the funeral site and cemetery, and burial, entombment or cremation of the remains.

It is generally the most expensive type of funeral. In addition to the funeral home's basic services fee, costs often include embalming and dressing the body; rental of the funeral home for the viewing or service; and use of vehicles to transport the family if they don't use their own. The costs of a casket, cemetery plot or crypt and other funeral goods and services also must be factored in.

Every family is different, and not everyone wants the same type of funeral.

Direct burial

The body is buried shortly after death, usually in a simple container. No viewing or visitation is involved, so no embalming is necessary. A memorial service may be held at the graveside or later.

Direct burial usually costs less than the "traditional," full-service funeral. Costs include the funeral home's basic services fee, as well as transportation and care of the body, the purchase of a casket or burial container and a cemetery plot or crypt. If the family chooses to be at the cemetery for the burial, the funeral home often charges an additional fee for a graveside service.

Direct cremation

The body is cremated shortly after death, without embalming. The cremated remains are placed in an urn or other container. No viewing or visitation is involved, although a memorial service may be held, with or without the cremated remains present.

The remains can be kept in the home, buried or placed in a crypt or niche in a cemetery, or buried or scattered in a favorite spot. Direct cremation usually costs less than the "traditional," full-service funeral.

Costs include the funeral home's basic services fee, as well as transportation and care of the body. A crematory fee may be included or, if the funeral home does not own the crematory, the fee may be added on. There also will be a charge for an urn or other container. The cost of a cemetery plot or crypt is included only if the remains are buried or entombed.

Funeral providers who offer direct cremations also must offer to provide an alternative container that can be used in place of a casket.

Choosing a Funeral Provider

Many people don't realize that they are not legally required to use a funeral home to plan and conduct a funeral. However, because they have little experience with the many details and legal requirements involved and may be emotionally distraught when it's time to make the plans, many people find the services of a professional funeral home to be a comfort.

Consumers often select a funeral home or cemetery because it's close to home, has served the family in the past, or has been recommended by someone they trust. But people who limit their search to just one funeral home may risk paying more than necessary for the funeral or narrowing their choice of goods and services.

Comparison shopping need not be difficult, especially if it's done before the need for a funeral arises. If you visit a funeral home in person, the funeral provider is required by law to give you a general price list itemizing the cost of the items and services the home offers. If the general price list does not include specific prices of caskets or outer burial containers, the law requires the funeral director to show you the price lists for those items before showing you the items.

Sometimes it's more convenient and less stressful to "price shop" funeral homes by telephone. The Funeral Rule requires funeral directors to provide price information over the phone to any caller who asks for it. In addition, many funeral homes are happy to mail you their price lists, although that is not required by law.

When comparing prices, be sure to consider the total cost of all the items together, in addition to the costs of single items. Every funeral home should have price lists that include all the items essential for the different types of arrangements it offers. Many funeral homes offer package funerals that may cost less than purchasing individual items or services. Offering package funerals is permitted by law, as long as an itemized price list also is provided. But only by using the price lists can you accurately compare total costs.

Be sure to considerthe total costof all the items.

In addition, there's a growing trend toward consolidation in the funeral home industry, and many neighborhood funeral homes are thought to be locally owned when in fact, they're owned by a national corporation. If this issue is important to you, you may want to ask if the funeral home is locally owned.

Funeral Costs

Funeral costs include:

1. Basic services fee for the funeral director and staff

The Funeral Rule allows funeral providers to charge a basic services fee that customers cannot decline to pay. The basic services fee includes services that are common to all funerals, regardless of the specific arrangement. These include funeral planning, securing the necessary permits and copies of death certificates, preparing the notices, sheltering the remains, and coordinating the arrangements with the cemetery, crematory or other third parties. The fee does not include charges for optional services or merchandise.

2. Charges for other services and merchandise

These are costs for optional goods and services such as transporting the remains; embalming and other preparation; use of the funeral home for the viewing, ceremony or memorial service; use of equipment and staff for a graveside service; use of a hearse or limousine; a casket, outer burial container or alternate container; and cremation or interment.

3. Cash advances

These are fees charged by the funeral home for goods and services it buys from outside vendors on your behalf, including flowers, obituary notices, pallbearers, officiating clergy, and organists and soloists. Some funeral providers charge you their cost for the items they buy on your behalf. Others add a service fee to their cost. The Funeral Rule requires those who charge an extra fee to disclose that fact in writing, although it doesn't require them to specify the amount of their markup. The Rule also requires funeral providers to tell you if there are refunds, discounts or rebates from the supplier on any cash advance item.

Calculating the Actual Cost

The funeral provider must give you an itemized statement of the total cost of the funeral goods and services you have selected when you are making the arrangements. If the funeral provider doesn't know the cost of the cash advance items at the time, he or she is required to give you a written "good faith estimate." This statement also must disclose any legal, cemetery or crematory requirements that you purchase any specific funeral goods or services.

The Funeral Rule does not require any specific format for this information. Funeral providers may include it in any document they give you at the end of your discussion about funeral arrangements.

Services and Products

Embalming Many funeral homes require embalming if you're planning a viewing or visitation. But embalming generally is not necessary or legally required if the body is buried or cremated shortly after death. Eliminating this service can save you hundreds of dollars. Under the Funeral Rule, a funeral provider:

may not provide embalming services without permission.

may not falsely state that embalming is required by law.

must disclose in writing that embalming is not required by law, except in certain special cases.

may not charge a fee for unauthorized embalming unless embalming is required by state law.

must disclose in writing that you usually have the right to choose a disposition, such as direct cremation or immediate burial, that does not require embalming if you do not want this service.

must disclose in writing that some funeral arrangements, such as a funeral with viewing, may make embalming a practical necessity and, if so, a required purchase.

Caskets For a "traditional," full-service funeral: A casket often is the single most expensive item you'll buy if you plan a "traditional," full-service funeral. Caskets vary widely in style and price and are sold primarily for their visual appeal. Typically, they're constructed of metal, wood, fiberboard, fiberglass or plastic. Although an average casket costs slightly more than $2,000, some mahogany, bronze or copper caskets sell for as much as $10,000.

When you visit a funeral home or showroom to shop for a casket, the Funeral Rule requires the funeral director to show you a list of caskets the company sells, with descriptions and prices, before showing you the caskets. Industry studies show that the average casket shopper buys one of the first three models shown, generally the middle-priced of the three.

Caskets vary widely in style and price.

So it's in the seller's best interest to start out by showing you higher-end models. If you haven't seen some of the lower-priced models on the price list, ask to see them - but don't be surprised if they're not prominently displayed, or not on display at all.

Traditionally, caskets have been sold only by funeral homes. But with increasing frequency, showrooms and websites operated by "third-party" dealers are selling caskets. You can buy a casket from one of these dealers and have it shipped directly to the funeral home. The Funeral Rule requires funeral homes to agree to use a casket you bought elsewhere, and doesn't allow them to charge you a fee for using it.

No matter where or when you're buying a casket, it's important to remember that its purpose is to provide a dignified way to move the body before burial or cremation. No casket, regardless of its qualities or cost, will preserve a body forever. Metal caskets frequently are described as "gasketed," "protective" or "sealer" caskets. These terms mean that the casket has a rubber gasket or some other feature that is designed to delay the penetration of water into the casket and prevent rust. The Funeral Rule forbids claims that these features help preserve the remains indefinitely because they don't. They just add to the cost of the casket.

Most metal caskets are made from rolled steel of varying gauges - the lower the gauge, the thicker the steel. Some metal caskets come with a warranty for longevity. Wooden caskets generally are not gasketed and don't have a warranty for longevity. They can be hardwood like mahogany, walnut, cherry or oak, or softwood like pine. Pine caskets are a less expensive option, but funeral homes rarely display them. Manufacturers of both wooden and metal caskets usually warrant workmanship and materials.

For cremation: Many families that opt to have their loved ones cremated rent a casket from the funeral home for the visitation and funeral, eliminating the cost of buying a casket. If you opt for visitation and cremation, ask about the rental option. For those who choose a direct cremation without a viewing or other ceremony where the body is present, the funeral provider must offer an inexpensive unfinished wood box or alternative container, a non-metal enclosure - pressboard, cardboard or canvas - that is cremated with the body.

Under the Funeral Rule, funeral directors who offer direct cremations:

may not tell you that state or local law requires a casket for direct cremations, because none do;
must disclose in writing your right to buy an unfinished wood box or an alternative container for a direct cremation; and must make an unfinished wood box or other alternative container available for direct cremations.

Burial Vaults or Grave Liners Burial vaults or grave liners, also known as burial containers, are commonly used in "traditional," full-service funerals. The vault or liner is placed in the ground before burial, and the casket is lowered into it at burial. The purpose is to prevent the ground from caving in as the casket deteriorates over time.

A grave liner is made of reinforced concrete and will satisfy any cemetery requirement. Grave liners cover only the top and sides of the casket. A burial vault is more substantial and expensive than a grave liner. It surrounds the casket in concrete or another material and may be sold with a warranty of protective strength.

State laws do not require a vault or liner, and funeral providers may not tell you otherwise. However, keep in mind that many cemeteries require some type of outer burial container to prevent the grave from sinking in the future.

Neither grave liners nor burial vaults are designed to prevent the eventual decomposition of human remains. It is illegal for funeral providers to claim that a vault will keep water, dirt or other debris from penetrating into the casket if that's not true.

Before showing you any outer burial containers, a funeral provider is required to give you a list of prices and descriptions. It may be less expensive to buy an outer burial container from a third-party dealer than from a funeral home or cemetery. Compare prices from several sources before you select a model.

Preservative Processes and Products

As far back as the ancient Egyptians, people have used oils, herbs and special body preparations to help preserve the bodies of their dead. Yet, no process or products have been devised to preserve a body in the grave indefinitely. The Funeral Rule prohibits funeral providers from telling you that it can be done. For example, funeral providers may not claim that either embalming or a particular type of casket will preserve the body of the deceased for an unlimited time.

Cemetery Sites

When you are purchasing a cemetery plot, consider the location of the cemetery and whether it meets the requirements of your family's religion. Other considerations include what, if any, restrictions the cemetery places on burial vaults purchased elsewhere, the type of monuments or memorials it allows, and whether flowers or other remembrances may be placed on graves.

Cost is another consideration. Cemetery plots can be expensive, especially in metropolitan areas. Most, but not all, cemeteries require you to purchase a grave liner, which will cost several hundred dollars. Note that there are charges - usually hundreds of dollars - to open a grave for interment and additional charges to fill it in. Perpetual care on a cemetery plot sometimes is included in the purchase price, but it's important to clarify that point before you buy the site or service. If it's not included, look for a separate endowment care fee for maintenance and groundskeeping.

If you plan to bury your loved one's cremated remains in a mausoleum or columbarium, you can expect to purchase a crypt and pay opening and closing fees, as well as charges for endowment care and other services. The FTC's Funeral Rule does not cover cemeteries and mausoleums unless they sell both funeral goods and funeral services, so be cautious in making your purchase to ensure that you receive all pertinent price and other information, and that you're being dealt with fairly.

Veterans Cemeteries

All veterans are entitled to a free burial in a national cemetery and a grave marker. This eligibility also extends to some civilians who have provided military-related service and some Public Health Service personnel. Spouses and dependent children also are entitled to a lot and marker when buried in a national cemetery. There are no charges for opening or closing the grave, for a vault or liner, or for setting the marker in a national cemetery. The family generally is responsible for other expenses, including transportation to the cemetery. For more information, visit the Department of Veterans Affairs' website at www.cem.va.gov. To reach the regional Veterans office in your area, call 1-800-827-1000 .

In addition, many states have established state veterans cemeteries. Eligibility requirements and other details vary. Contact your state for more information.

Beware of commercial cemeteries that advertise so-called "veterans' specials." These cemeteries sometimes offer a free plot for the veteran, but charge exorbitant rates for an adjoining plot for the spouse, as well as high fees for opening and closing each grave. Evaluate the bottom-line cost to be sure the special is as special as you may be led to believe.

For More Information

Most states have a licensing board that regulates the funeral industry. You may contact the board in your state for information or help. If you want additional information about making funeral arrangements and the options available, you may want to contact interested business, professional and consumer groups. Some of the biggest are:

AARP Fulfillment 601 E Street, NW Washington, DC 20049 1-800-424-3410

http://www.aarp.org%20/AARP is a nonprofit, nonpartisan organization dedicated to helping older Americans achieve lives of independence, dignity and purpose. Its publications, Funeral Goods and Services and Pre-Paying for Your Funeral, are available free by writing to the above address. This and other funeral-related information is posted on the AARP website.

Council of Better Business Bureaus, Inc. 4200 Wilson Blvd., Suite 800 Arlington, VA 22203-1838 http://www.bbb.org/Better Business Bureaus are private, nonprofit organizations that promote ethical business standards and voluntary self-regulation of business practices.

Funeral Consumers Alliance 33 Patchen RoadSouth Burlington, VT 054031-800-765-0107 http://www.funerals.org%20/FCA, a nonprofit, educational organization that supports increased funeral consumer protection, is affiliated with the Funeral and Memorial Society of America (FAMSA).

Cremation Association of North America 401 North Michigan Avenue Chicago, IL 60611 (312) 644-6610 http://www.funerals.org%20/ CANA is an association of crematories, cemeteries and funeral homes that offer cremation.

International Cemetery and Funeral Association 1895 Preston White Drive, Suite 220 Reston, VA 20191 1-800-645-7700 http://www.icfa.org/ ICFA is a nonprofit association of cemeteries, funeral homes, crematories and monument retailers that offers informal mediation of consumer complaints through its Cemetery Consumer Service Council. Its website provides information and advice under "Consumer Resources."

International Order of the Golden Rule 13523 Lakefront Drive St. Louis, MO 63045 1-800-637-8030 http://www.ogr.org%20/OGR is an international association of about 1,300 independent funeral homes.

Jewish Funeral Directors of America Seaport Landing 150 Lynnway, Suite 506 Lynn, MA 01902 (781) 477-9300 http://www.jfda.org%20/ JFDA is an international association of funeral homes serving the Jewish community.

National Funeral Directors Association 13625 Bishop's Drive Brookfield, WI 53005 1-800-228-6332 http://www.nfda.org/resources NFDA is the largest educational and professional association of funeral directors.

National Funeral Directors and Morticians Association 3951 Snapfinger Parkway, Suite 570 Decatur, GA 30035 1-800-434-0958 http://www.nfdma.com/ NFDMA is a national association primarily of African-American funeral providers.

Selected Independent Funeral Homes500 Lake Cook Road, Suite 205Deerfield, Illinois 600151-800-323-4219 http://www.selectedfuneralhomes.org/ Selected Independent Funeral Homes is an international association of funeral firms that have agreed to comply with its Code of Good Funeral Practice. Consumers may request a variety of publications through the association's affiliate, Selected Resources, Inc.

Funeral Service Consumer Assistance Program PO Box 486 Elm Grove, WI 53122-0486 1-800-662-7666 FSCAP is a nonprofit consumer service designed to help people understand funeral service and related topics and to help them resolve funeral service concerns. FSCAP service representatives and an intervener assist consumers in identifying needs, addressing complaints and resolving problems. Free brochures on funeral related topics are available.

Funeral Service Educational Foundation 13625 Bishop's Drive Brookfield, WI 53005 1-877-402-5900 FSEF is a nonprofit foundation dedicated to advancing professionalism in funeral service and to enhancing public knowledge and understanding through education and research.

Solving Problems

If you have a problem concerning funeral matters, it's best to try to resolve it first with the funeral director. If you are dissatisfied, the Funeral Consumer's Alliance may be able to advise you on how best to resolve your issue. You also can contact your state or local consumer protection agencies listed in your telephone book, or the Funeral Service Consumer Assistance Program.

You can file a complaint with the FTC by contacting the Consumer Response Center by phone, toll-free, at 1-877-FTC-HELP (382-4357); TDD: 1-866-653-4261 ; by mail: Consumer Response Center, Federal Trade Commission, 600 Pennsylvania Avenue, NW, Washington, DC 20580; or on the Internet at http://www.ftc.gov/, using the online complaint form. Although the Commission cannot resolve individual problems for consumers, it can act against a company if it sees a pattern of possible law violations.

Planning for a Funeral

Shop around in advance. Compare prices from at least two funeral homes. Remember that you can supply your own casket or urn.

Ask for a price list. The law requires funeral homes to give you written price lists for products and services.

Resist pressure to buy goods and services you don't really want or need.

Avoid emotional overspending. It's not necessary to have the fanciest casket or the most elaborate funeral to properly honor a loved one.

Recognize your rights.

Laws regarding funerals and burials vary from state to state. It's a smart move to know which goods or services the law requires you to purchase and which are optional.

Apply the same smart shopping techniques you use for other major purchases. You can cut costs by limiting the viewing to one day or one hour before the funeral, and by dressing your loved one in a favorite outfit instead of costly burial clothing.

Plan ahead. It allows you to comparison shop without time constraints, creates an opportunity for family discussion, and lifts some of the burden from your family.

Prices to Check

Make copies of this page and check with several funeral homes to compare costs.

"Simple" disposition of the remains:

Immediate burial

Immediate cremation

If the cremation process is extra, how much is it?

Donation of the body to a medical school or hospital

"Traditional," full-service burial or cremation:

Basic services fee for the funeral director and staff

Pickup of body

Embalming

Other preparation of body

Least expensive casket

Description, including model #

Outer Burial Container (vault)

Description

Visitation/viewing — staff and facilities

Funeral or memorial service — staff and facilities

Graveside service, including staff and equipment

Hearse

Other vehicles

Total

Other Services:

Forwarding body to another funeral home

Receiving body from another funeral home

Other Services:

Cost of lot or crypt (if you don’t already own one)

Perpetual care

Opening and closing the grave or crypt

Grave liner, if required

Marker/monument (including setup)

GLOSSARY OF TERMS

Courtesy of the California Department of Consumer Affairs, Cemetery and Funeral Bureau

Alternative Container: An unfinished wood box or other non-metal receptacle without ornamentation, often made of fiberboard, pressed wood or composition materials, and generally lower in cost than caskets.

Casket/Coffin: A box or chest for burying remains.

Cemetery Property: A grave, crypt or niche.

Cemetery Services: Opening and closing graves, crypts or niches; setting grave liners and vaults; setting markers; and long-term maintenance of cemetery grounds and facilities.

Columbarium: A structure with niches (small spaces) for placing cremated remains in urns or other approved containers. It may be outdoors or part of a mausoleum.

Cremation: Exposing remains and the container encasing them to extreme heat and flame and processing the resulting bone fragments to a uniform size and consistency.

Crypt: A space in a mausoleum or other building to hold cremated or whole remains.

Disposition: The placement of cremated or whole remains in their final resting place.

Endowment Care Fund: Money collected from cemetery property purchasers and placed in trust for the maintenance and upkeep of the cemetery.

Entombment: Burial in a mausoleum. Funeral Ceremony A service commemorating the deceased, with the body present.

Funeral Services: Services provided by a funeral director and staff, which may include consulting with the family on funeral planning; transportation, shelter, refrigeration and embalming of remains; preparing and filing notices; obtaining authorizations and permits; and coordinating with the cemetery, crematory or other third parties.

Funeral Planning Society: See Memorial Society.

Grave: A space in the ground in a cemetery for the burial of remains.

Grave Liner or A concrete: cover that fits over a casket in a grave. Some liners cover tops and sides of the casket. Others, referred to as vaults, completely enclose the casket. Grave liners minimize ground settling.

Graveside Service: A service to commemorate the deceased held at the cemetery before burial.
Interment: Burial in the ground, inurnment or entombment.

Inurnment: The placing of cremated remains in an urn.

Mausoleum: A building in which remains are buried or entombed.

Memorial Service: A ceremony commemorating the deceased, without the body present.

Memorial Society: An organization that provides information about funerals and disposition, but is not part of the state-regulated funeral industry.

Niche: A space in a columbarium, mausoleum or niche wall to hold an urn.

Urn: A container to hold cremated remains. It can be placed in a columbarium or mausoleum, or buried in the ground.

Vault: A grave liner that completely encloses a casket.

The FTC works for the consumer to prevent fraudulent, deceptive and unfair business practices in the marketplace and to provide information to help consumers spot, stop, and avoid them. To file a complaint or to get free information on consumer issues, visit http://www.ftc.gov/ or call toll-free, 1-877-FTC-HELP (1-877-382-4357 ); TTY: 1-866-653-4261 .

The FTC enters Internet, telemarketing, identity theft, and other fraud-related complaints into Consumer Sentinel, a secure, online database available to hundreds of civil and criminal law enforcement agencies in the U.S. and abroad.
June 2000

Setting A Location For A Funeral Or Memorial Service

A fitting location for a funeral or memorial service is important to establishing the right mood for the celebration intended to honor the life of the deceased as well as to show our respects to the living. Every end-of-life plan should consider the attitudes, personality and lifestyle of the departed and the intended invitees at the celebration. For those such as myself who are not wealthy, except in spirit, we should also consider the costs associated with the venue.

After many years of high-powered, intense, beat-my-head-against-the-wall living, I now live my life in a much more informal and relaxed manner. Consequently, I personally prefer the thought of a memorial service in a private residence, fraternal organization, community building or a park.

I want nothing to do with a funeral home setting after my departure. The funeral director will be in charge of publishing my obituary in accord with my instructions, providing death certificates, et cetera, but the range of services used will be narrow compared to the services offered.

I respect funeral directors and the important services they provide, and I will use their services for removal of my body from my place of death to the crematory; however, I do not want their involvement in the funeral service itself.

A beautiful park environment would be a joyful place for an end of life celebration. I do not have enough friends who would want to attend a large memorial service, and my friends and family would be more comfortable in a relaxed, informal setting. Personally, unless I consider someone to be a friend or close acquaintance, their attendance at my memorial service is not required.

For those who live a more formal lifestyle, a church, synagogue, mosque, temple or other place of worship would be an ideal place for a public gathering. For the famous, a large amphitheater is an option for those who are society's version of aristrocrats and nobility.

Setting a location for a funeral or memorial service should always take into account the wishes of the decedent, his or her lifestyle, and the comfort of those who will be attending.

Burton Fletcher
www.USAMonuments.com
Burton@USAMonuments.com

Copyright, 2006. All Rights Reserved.

Recognize Mental Illness And Recommend Treatment

I read the post of a monument builder on another website and this person launched into an angry, insulting and immature attack on another member. It was obvious that the attacker has mental-health issues that will harm his performance in the death-care industry, where serving others is paramount.

Mental illness is pervasive in our society, and often the mentally ill do not receive the treatment that they need and deserve. If you see someone with excessive anger issues, then please recommend that the person receive the assistance of mental-health professionals. Today, thanks to American pharmacological prowess, many previously untreatable illnesses can be treated and controlled.

If you recognize that you have problems with controlling your excessive anger, then rather than taking out your anger on others, destroying the lives of others, and yourself, then please seek help so you will not only live long, but live well. After all, it is the right thing to do. May God bless you!


Burton Fletcher
http://www.usamonuments.com/
Burton@USAMonuments.com

Georgia Bureau of Investigation Project

We created a beautiful bronze memorial for the Georgia Bureau of Investigation. The accolades have been numerous and the following epitomizes the efforts invested in projects.

"Ya'll did an excellent job...we have been looking at it all day. We had our office Christmas party today and personnel from the district attorneys office and the drug task force for our area were here admiring the plaque.

I never dreamed it would look so good. And the picture looks just like Glen... Thanks for all of your hard work...I know we are a pain to work with...Thanks again."

Actually, the GBI were delightful clients and very enjoyable. It is inspiring to receive the accolades from our clients. Every company should strive for excellence!

In the near future, we will post a photo of this beautiful bronze memorial dedication plaque on our website. Please view www.ValdostaMemorials.com at http://www.valdostamemorials.com/monuments/Copyrighted/CopyrightDesigns.asp.

Burton Fletcher
www.USAMonuments.com
Burton@USAMonuments.com

Who Will Write Your Final Cut?

I was watching “The Final Cut,” a science fiction drama starring Robin Williams, Mira Sorvino and James Caviezel. As a memorialist, I particularly enjoyed this film.

First-time filmmaker Omar Naim writes and directs the science fiction drama The Final Cut. The movie is set in the near future. The story concerns a microchip that is capable of recording a person's entire life. Robin Williams plays Alan Hakman, an editor who cuts together the footage to make pleasant movies for funerals.

The film has a theme that 1 in 20 people have memory chips and Williams’ character, known as “a cutter,” assembles categories of memory, e.g., family, career, community, et cetera. At the end of people’s lives, the editor assembles the best of the life stories, careful to delete footage that reflects the sins of mortal men and women.

For most of us, a diary or journal is as close to a memory chip as we will ever have. We can be honest to the degree that our characters will allow, and we can be as complete or incomplete as we desire.

Everyone has a story and, for most people, their story will die with them, except as preserved in the memories of others or through a memorial or family history. Our memories are encrypted in the minds of others and this data can be reached through personal interviews, perhaps using the Family History Questionnaire.
I am a big proponent of our Family History Questionnaire, http://www.valdostamemorials.com/family_history_questionnaire.htm to interview relatives before they pass away.

I am also a strong advocate for the use of Life History Plaques (SM) to memorialize our lives and the lives of others as part of the cemetery monument. See, http://www.valdostamemorials.com/LifeHistoryPlaques.asp.

One line in the film states word to the effect that “it is for the greater good that your life mean something.” That is a thought that everyone should reflect upon.

If you want your life to mean something, and everyone should aspire to leave the world better because of their actions, then the Family History Questionnaire and the Life History Plaques (SM) are excellent starting points for documenting your family history.

Preserve your family history; after all, centuries from now, the only knowledge of your family may be what you, yourself, preserve. Just do it, and do it now; after all, it is the right thing to do. Besides, this may be your only opportunity to do your own final cut!

Oh, “the Final Cut” is a fine movie for anyone, but especially enjoyable for anyone in the death-care industry.

Burton Fletcher
www.USAMonuments.com
Burton@USAMonuments.com
Copyright, 2006. All Rights Reserved.

Random Thoughts On The Loss Of Our Pet Friends/Rainbow Bridge

I'm a softie when it comes to animals. I can't help it, but I'm a pet person through and through. How about you?

I love my pets so much that I built a memorial to honor our pets and the memorial is in the Fletcher Family Memorial Plots at McAlpin, Florida.

The following poem is touching and I hope it gives comfort to some of my readers. I hope that all of us will have an opportunity to cross the Rainbow Bridge with our beloved pet friends.

Burton Fletcher
www.USAMonuments.com
Burton@USAMonuments.com

Rainbow Bridge

Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge. When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge. There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together. There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.

All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor. Those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by. The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing: they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.

They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent. His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.

You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.

Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together…

Author unknown

Are You Interested In Becoming A Funeral Director?

Have you ever thought about becoming a funeral director?

If I were chosing a career again, I might consider this profession as I am a caring sort who enjoys working with people. If you have a son or daughter who is undecided about a career path, the following URL may be a good starting point to stimulate a discussion. http://www.bls.gov/oco/ocos011.htm

The site indicates that the traits necessary to succeed as a funeral director are:

"Important personal traits for funeral directors are composure, tact, and the ability to communicate easily with the public. Funeral directors also should have the desire and ability to comfort people in a time of sorrow." These are important personal traits for all of us to aspire. These same traits are useful in the monument business.

Burton Fletcher
www.USAMonuments.com
Burton@USAMonuments.com

Conflict And The Potential For Violence During Burial Rituals

Today, I received an email that stimulated my thoughts on the potential for conflict among family members, and others, during burial rituals, from last rites, through a viewing in a funeral home to funerals.

Violence At The Funeral Home or The Funeral

Two of my cousins engaged in a fight at the funeral home when their father died. Naturally, emotions run high at the time of death of a close member of the family and previous animosities may or may not be pushed into the background as individuals jockey for influence and decision making in the burial proceedings.

Some folks are mentally ill, others are violent, while others harbor strong animous over real or imagined offenses. Everyone is a potential victim of someone seeking to do harm to others. Everyone knows someone who is a ticking timebomb of sorts.

If There Is A Potential For Violence, Precautions Should Be Taken

One thing is for certain, if there is a potential for conflict, funeral home management and the police should be forewarned and proper preparations should be in place. It should also be clear in advance as to who the decision makers will be in the burial rituals.

Conflict After Remarriage

My mother remarried after my father died. Her new husband's ex-wife approached my mother at a funeral the one time they met, introduced herself, and then boldly asserted to my mother and her husband that she (the first wife) was the first and best wife my mother's husband would ever have. Apparently, my mother and her husband see the world much differently than the former wife. Still, this was a time for potential conflict.

I recently read an article where a former wife took over the viewing of the deceased, with display boards with a great quantity of photos of herself and the deceased former husband giving a false impression that she was the widow of the deceased, substantially offending the second wife who had a short-term marriage to the deceased husband. How should such situations be handled? Delicately, of course; however, my advice would be that divorce terminates the rights of the former spouse who should not be allowed to usurp the proceedings. The first wife should only act with the permission of, and the good graces of the subsequent spouse.

If Animosity Preexisted Death, Then Preparations Should Be Made

Everyone knows someone who strongly dislikes someone else in the family. If folks do not get along during times of calm, how can anyone expect these same persons to get along during times of high stress with inherent potential for volatile emotions. There are some events in life that pull families to the same locations, e.g., weddings, hospitals and funerals. Adequate security should always be in place for private or public events. The key word is "adequate" and the need will vary depending on the risks inherent in the situation.

The Responsibility Of The Living

If you love your family, I believe the living have responsibility to make preparations to communicate the potential conflict to the funeral home. Likewise, funeral personnel must ask the hard questions as a matter of practice.

If the funeral home can produce written instructions, from the deceased, that clearly identify the potential problems with written pre-need instructions potential conflict can be identified and reduced.

Invitations and Disinvitations

It may be necessary to disinvite certain individuals from private or public events. Fortunately, laws are being enacted that tighten control for public events.

If someone has a high propensity for violence, I see nothing wrong with placing restrictions on that person, either through a disinvitation that would bar the person from private or public events.

No one should be allowed to disrupt the peace at funeral proceedings either by loud, unruly talk, threats, or assaultive conduct. Anyone barred from private or public proceedings can be arrested should they attempt to trespass onto private property.

Security:

I see nothing wrong with hiring security personnel for funeral proceedings. Uniformed police can be visible or close by ready for intervention. Non-uniformed security can patrol or even stand close to potential victims, or potential aggressors, to provide protection for anyone who might be the victim of violence.

If there are family members with a history of violence, then those individuals may need to be banned. Likewise, less apparent threats may require separation of visitors through limiting access, view at specific times, or even privately searching potential threats. In this day and age of easy access to firearms, and violence, it may even be necessary to use metal detectors to prevent the carrying of concealed weapons.

The Standard Is Foreseeability

The standard should be foreseeability. If violence is foreseeable, then precautions must be taken.

If there is an argument inside the funeral home, then it is foreseeable that a participant, or even a family member, may go to their vehicle, retrieve a weapon, and seek revenge on other participants or families of those involved in the conflict. Everyone deserves to live in a safe environment.

The Potential For Violence Always Exists

It is my view that there is always potential for violence and the funeral director should take affirmative steps to inquire in advance of potential opportunities for conflict. It is a cliche to say "an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure," however, it is also true.

Burton Fletcher
www.USAMonuments.com
Burton@USAMonuments.com

End Of Life Plans: Viewing Or Non-Viewing Of The Deceased's Body

Recently, I attended the preburial viewing for a gentleman whom I grew up with in a small Northcentral Florida farm community.

Upon arrival at the funeral home, I signed in, looked around for the family whom I know, but did not immediately see, and I then proceeded to walk down the aisle to view the body. "Gee, he looks old," I thought, as I viewed the cancer-ravaged body of a man who was slightly younger than myself.

The viewing of my body is one ritual that I do not want any part of when I die. I do not want anyone looking at my body in a casket, scrutinizing my body, face, hair, fingernails, neatness of my facial hair, or whatever else it is that folks notice about persons who are dead.

I would not want that scrutiny why I am alive and I certainly do not want that scrutiny after my death. Please remember me as I was during my life.

I recall viewing the body of a former roommate in California who had been the assistant manager for a Bob's Big Boy. Sadly, he was murdered by robbers. As his body lay in the casket, I saw blood beneath his fingernails! Surely the mortician could have cleaned his fingernails!

As a boy, I recall the ritual of attending a "wake" for my grandfather, Burton Eugene Fletcher. His casket was in the living room of the family home and folks were eating in the same room during his last night on this earth.

We did the same for my Great Uncle Burton Mobley, the brother of Ethel Mobley Fletcher, my grandmother, though he had committed suicide some 9 months or so before his body was delivered to the family. Fortunately, a detective had taken the effort to track down Uncle Burt's family before his body was disposed of as abandoned or perhaps buried in a pauper's grave.

Thankfully, the ritual of the wake seems to have passed away for many folk. I hope the ritual of viewing the body will also pass away. If you tell me someone died, I am going to believe you. I do not need to see the body to believe you!

I often hear comments about the appearance of the dead like, "he looked so natural," or "he did not look good," et cetera. In essence, the mortician can do a good or a bad job with the appearance of the deceased. The art of the mortician is a talent to be admired, but it is also an effort that I would argue should be less common.

I recall watching a rerun of "Six Feet Under," an HBO program that I loved for its wacky look at the funeral-home business, with a segment in which Lucy was secretly taking photos for an art project. Lucy took beautiful photos of the deceased patrons as they lay in repose in the caskets at the family funeral home.

I have made it very, very clear to my family that I want to be cremated upon death, and I do not want a public viewing of my body. If I die in the hospital, I want my immediate family to have a brief opportunity to view my body in its natural state--without makeup. Then, I want my body taken directly to the crematory for processing. Period.

A memorial service is optional and I can forego that ritual as well. I have my urn and my monument and I have given clear instructions as to my end-of-life wishes. Do you hear me family?

Now, I certaily respect the wishes of others who desire to have a funeral or a memorial service, with or without a cremation or traditional burial; however, I hope my own views should be respected--and followed.

The death ritual should fulfill my wishes and whatever your own thoughts, shouldn't I have the ultimate say? I am of sound mind and I have made my wishes abundantly clear, so dear family, please honor me by following MY wishes.

Dearest family, please remember that I do not want a viewing of my remains in a church, funeral home or graveside service. Instead, should you desire to hold a memorial service, I suggest that you use a large oil painting that portrays my life some 15 years or so ago. That will be enough.

Also, please remember that I have already written my obituary and you will find copies in print and MS Word and .rtf formats on a disc in my file at the funeral home. I have shown my love for my family by planning the necessary activities that conclude my life. I love you dear family, now please honor my wishes.

Burton Fletcher
www.USAMonuments.com
Burton@USAMonuments.com

Cemetery Thefts: Extremely Bad Karma!

I was informed of a cemetery theft of bronze vases and I was reminded of a theft of an item at my father's grave earlier this year.

My father was a huge fan of the Florida Gators! He could recite statistics freely. His idea of fun was to watch videotapes of previous Florida-Florida State games, particularly those games in which the Gators won!

Dad had a sense of humor where he called one of his grandchildren "Gator." He loved his gators!

I thought it was only fitting after he passed on to leave a concrete gator with the University of Florida colors on his grave. Dad would have blushed with happiness were he alive to see the gift.

Unfortunately, someone stole the gift from my father's grave not long after the placement. If a cemetery item isn't tied down or marked, someone will steal it!

Earlier this year, I ordered two stars one for the Marine Corps and one for the Army. I plan to leave the Army star at Dad's grave and the Marine Corps star at my own memorial site. See articles 182 and 183 at http://www.valdostamemorials.com/articles/VMArticles10.asp for photos of my memorial. Plan ahead I say!

Anyway, I had both stars engraved at a trophy shop so they will hopefully not be stolen from the cemetery sites. You can see the stars on my website at http://www.valdostamemorials.com/USMetalCollection.asp. Folks love these stars and they are a great gift for any veteran.

Remember, cemetery thefts bring bad karma upon the thief and St. Peter is not going to be happy with anyone who seeks entry through the Pearly Gates with this mark on their character. Instill respect for the dead and a love for others by talking to your children and relatives about the importance of cemeteries and how the respect we show the dead reflects upon our values in our society. Just do it as you know it is the right thing to do!

Burton Fletcher
Burton@USAMonuments.com
www.USAMonuments.com


WDEF News 12-->
Published on WDEF (http://wdef.com/)
Couple Charged with Cemetery Thefts
By Larry Mack
Created Dec 13 2006 - 12:53pm
Authorities from two counties believe they've solved a rash of thefts from local cemeteries. 39-year-old Billy Joe and 34-year-old Bonnie Evans of Monroe County face theft charges for stealing bronze vases from cemeteries in both Monroe and Bradley Counties. Bradley detectives believe the couple stole 49-vases from the Sunset Memorial Cemetery between October 11th and November 3rd. The break in the case came when the owner of a Monroe County salvage business read about the thefts. He alerted deputies, when he realized some of the vases may have been sold at his business.

Do You Know Your Family History?

Do you know your family history? Few of us really know our family history, including myself. Sure, I know more of my family history than most people, but how much do we really know?

Part of my love for memorialization came from the dearth of facts that most cemetery monuments (can we really call them memorials?) provide. The cemetery is the source of information for the living. Genealogists study this information for clues to their past and this information alone can be very enlightening as one studies the dates as to the ages of the family members at the time of marriage, first birth, second birth and the like.

Unfortunately, many folks study genealogy but ignore the documentation of their own lives and the lives of the living. Certainly, there are exceptions; however, centuries from now I wonder if our ancestors will not be asking why our generation did not record more details about our lives.

As we study genealogy, in most cases, we only know the sketchiest of details. Who were these folks really? Obituaries often provide clues, especially when we read that "Mr. __________ was well respected. His funeral was attended by 1,500 mourners." A well-written obituary is an important source of information for both the living and for future generations. I have already written my obituary, have you? I encourage you to write your obituary and give instructions to the funeral home on your wishes at the time of your death.

We have a form on our website to assist your family in recording its family history. Please see http://www.valdostamemorials.com/family_history_questionnaire.htm. This form will assist you to interview the elders in your family before this source of information dies with the passing of your loved ones.

Do the right thing and document your family history. After all, it is the right thing to do.

Please pass along your comments to Burton@ValdostaMemorials.com as I enjoy hearing from my readers.

Burton Fletcher
www.USAMonuments.com

Life Is Short, So Make The Most Of It!

I received a message yesterday that went like this, "Robert passed away. His viewing will be ... and his funeral will be ... ."

Robert was younger than myself by less than a year. We grew up in the same Northcentral Florida farm community.

He was a smoker and heavy drinker, and those bad habits probably cost him his life as he died of cancer. Thanks to the early intervention of my parents, I never adopted the smoking habit.

Earlier this year, Robert was in "a bad accident" and during the recovery period, he learned that he had terminal cancer with "6 months to live." Three weeks later, Robert was dead.

In 1998, my father was informed that he had cancer and he had less than 3 months to live. In less than a week, he was dead.

During the years since my father's passing, I have often reflected on the ephemeral nature of life. We are here on this earth for only a very short time, so we might as well make the most of our existence. Each of us must decide for himself or herself how we will live our lives and what constitutes a meaningful existence for ourselves.

I have been blessed during my life with good friends. I would have had more friends if I had not dedicated so much effort to working. I am an admitted and unabashed workaholic. For myself, I can think of nothing more enjoyable than the creativity I exhibit through my work.

It is true that my life is not balanced, but I enjoy my life. I own a lovely home, in a beautiful neighborhood, in a safe and enjoyable community. I do not believe you need to have balance in your life if you are willing to accept the negatives that flow from that lack of balance. Great things are often developed by individuals who are anything but balanced.

When my time to leave this world arrives, I will be ready. I am not in a hurry to conclude my life, but I am ready for whatever the future may bring. With good fortune, I hope to have many more years of life ahead of me; however, I have observed that I have already outlived many of my high school classmates.

We can influence the length of our lives; however, short of suicide, an act all too sadly common, we do not know the exact day or time our lives will end. We awake each day not knowing whether that will be the final day of our lives.

Live right and be ready! Life is short, so make the most of it!

Please share your views with me by emailing me at Burton@ValdostaMemorials.com. I look forward to hearing from you.

Pay It Forward!

A quick search of Yahoo.com will provide reminders and thoughts about the concept of “Pay It Forward,” as portrayed in the Warner Brothers movie starring Kevin Spacey, Helen Hunt, and Haley Joel Osment.

The Pay It Forward Foundation was developed by Catherine Ryan Hyde to bring the message from her novel to classrooms across the country.

The foundation was established in September 2000 to educate and inspire young students to realize that they can change the world, and provide them with opportunities to do so.

An Internet search of the terms "Pay It Forward" using http://www.Google.com, will provide ideas on how others practice the pay it forward concept to enrich the lives of others, and in the process, enrich their own lives.

My life has been enriched in many ways over the years as I have given generously to others. What we do for others lives on beyond our mortal existence in this world.

As an educator who taught business administration and law to more than 10,000 students over an academic career spanning more than two decades, I recall positively touching many lives during my journey through this existence we call life.

A life is not well lived unless it has touched others in a positive manner in some regard. Giving without any expectation of return is the most fulfilling of all gifts.

Please take a moment to remind others that our good deeds for others do change attitudes and improve the world in which we live. Take a moment and pay it forward! You will be glad you did!

Burton Fletcher
USAMonuments.com
Burton@USAMonuments.com

Will You Have A Pauper's Grave?

Los Angeles Times Staff Writer, Susannah Rosenblatt, wrote an article titled, "Unclaimed and forgotten are laid to rest," dated December 7, 2006.

The article struck me on a number of levels, both positive and negative.

On the positive side, it is an act of kindness that our society pays quiet homage to provide a resting place to the loved ones of families who either cannot afford or neglect to bury their loved ones.

Rosenblatt's article states that after waiting 2 years before burial, the County of Los Angeles interred the unclaimed cremains of “1,687 people … (into) a single 7-foot-deep plot. Over eight decades, an estimated 300,000 have been placed nearby.”

Imagine this now. More than 300,000 individuals over eight decades have been cremated and interred in pauper’s graves in Los Angeles County alone.

Pauper’s graves contain the cremains of the indigent or those with families too poor to pay for burial. All of us should want to believe that every human being is special and that they should be buried with dignity. I believe it is special when family can be buried in cemeteries along side the graves of other ancestors with memorials that mark the graves and celebrate the lives of those interred there.

The words that I wish to emphasize are that everyone deserves to be buried and memorialized with a sense of dignity. I would go further and argue that it is the responsibility of every individual to prepurchase his own cemetery plot and monument to provide a place of future interment.

Someone has to take responsibility for end of life decisions. While we may not have had any input into our entry into this world, we certainly should have input into our end of life decisions when we will, inevitably, exit this world.

Brian Steffen of The Monument Center, Bluffton Cemeteries, Inc. wrote me stating: “Thanks for sharing this article. It is sad that some people are not close enough to their families that when they pass away, the families are unaware. Our society is that way due to the lack of close-nit families. People just scatter when they grow older. However, even though the families are not there to pay their respects, God doesn’t lose touch with, or forget, anyone. That is comforting to know.”

If you love your family, you will provide them with a location to grieve, reflect, and to pay their respects. Similar to the all too common practice of discarding cremains at sea a pauper's grave neglects the needs of those who remain after the body has been disposed of as so much refuse. Governmental agencies can only do so much and it is the responsibility of the individual to plan for the future.

Prepare in advance so you do not have a pauper's grave.

Please share your thoughts with me at Burton@USAMonuments.com. If you make good points, I just may share them with my readers of this and other columns.

Requests For Excuse In An Alabama School District

As a long-time educator, I can appreciate the following humor with both a smile and a wrinkled brow.

I promise you cannot read these and not laugh out loud. These are real notes written by parents in an ALABAMA school district. Spellings have been left intact.

1. My son is under a doctor's care and should not take PE today.Please execute him.

2. Please exkuce lisa for being absent she was sick and i had hershot.

3. Dear school: please ecsc's john being absent on jan. 28, 29, 30,31, 32 and also 33.

4. Please excuse gloria from jim today. She is administrating.

5. Please excuse roland from p.e. for a few days. Yesterday he fell out of a tree and misplaced his hip.

6. John has been absent because he had two teeth taken out of his face.

7. Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football. He was hurt in the growing part.

8. Megan could not come to school today because she has been bothered by very close veins.

9. Chris will not be in school cus he has an acre in his side.

10. Please excuse ray friday from school. He has very loose vowels.

11. Pleaseexcuse Lesli from being absent yesterday. Shehad diahre dyrea direathe the shits.

12. Please excuse tommy for being absent yesterday. He had diarrhea,and his boots leak.

13. Irving was absent yesterday because he missed his bust.

14. Please excuse jimmy for being. It was his father's fault.

15. I kept Billie home because she had to go Christmas shoppingbecause i don't know what size she wear.

16. Please excuse jennifer for missing school yesterday. We forgot to get the sunday paper off the porch, and when we found it monday. We thought it was sunday.

17. Sally won't be in school a week from friday. We have to attend her funeral.

18. My daughter was absent yesterday because she was tired. She spent a weekend with the marines.

19. Please excuse Jason for being absent yesterday. He had a cold and could not breed well.

20. Please excuse mary for being absent yesterday. She was in bed with gramps.

21. Gloria was absent yesterday as she was having a gangover.

22. Please excuse brenda. She has been sick and under the doctor.

23. Maryann was absent december 11-16, because she had a fever, sorethroat, headache and upset stomach. Her sister was also sick, fever an sore throat, her brother had a low grade fever and ached all over. I wasn't the best either, sore throat and fever. There must be something going around, her father even got hot last night.

Family Squabbles And Monument Replacement

I received a call this morning in my capacity as president of the Georgia Monument Builders Association.

"I'm from Florida," the woman said, "and my sister replaced our parent's monument without informing me."

Apparently, her sister had replaced the monument for her mother and father without bothering to ask her permission, much less to even inform her! Obviously, she was "in shock," when she discovered this insult.

She stated, "daddy didn't even have a monument for (something) years." "My sister didn't think they should have a double monument since they were divorced."

Apparently, it was important enough for the sister to replace a double headstone with two single headstones since mother and father had divorced in the past.

So, what advice would you give in this situation?

"Ma'am," I said, hesitantly, "there are no good answers for you."

"You could sue the monument company, for the original monument, but they are out of business, and what would you do with the stone?"

"You could sue your sister, but that would just generate ill will."

"You could sue the church too, but you probably don't want to do that either."

"It must have been very important to your sister if she was willing to incur this expense. I would just let it go."

"I know," she said, "but I'm just in shock."

In my opinion, her sister handled this entire situation poorly. Family decisions require family consensus for family harmony. When one person goes off to unilaterally make decisions, even when well meaning, then the other family members have a right to be disappointed.

If faced with a similar decision, I hope you will do the right thing. After all, the right thing, is the right thing to do!

If you have thoughts you wish to share, please email me at Burton@USAMonuments.com and I will post select comments on this site. I thank you in advance for your contributions to improve the death-care industry, memorialization and honor the loved ones of grieving families. Burton Fletcher Owner http://www.usamonuments.com/

Mental Illness, Difficult Clients & Service In The Monument Industry

Some time back, the daughter of a client filed a malicious and illegitimate complaint against me personally, and my company, saying we had not manufactured a monument as we had been instructed to do.

The facts were contrary to what this woman was saying and all of our attempts to resolve her complaints were met with hostile reactions. Though we tried, there was no appeasing this person. All of us have, at one time or another, known individuals who were excessively, and unrealistically, fault finding.

This woman had numerous altercations with a wide assortment of individuals and she acted in a bizarre manner with severe and wide mood swings. We enjoyed working with her father, but she was an irascible individual who attacked me privately and publicly, and both personally, and professionally. I was just one of many individuals with whom she was in open conflict as she sought to “protect” her father, who, in all respects, is a man of great character and honor.

Today, I received a message that this woman had recently been incarcerated pursuant to the Baker Act, a Florida statute that allows involuntary mental evaluations under various conditions. See, http://www.dcf.state.fl.us/mentalhealth/laws/index.shtml. The Baker Act is a law that gives the police or doctors the broad power to lock up individuals for 72 hours for observation if it is believed that they may be harmful to themselves or others.

Whether involuntary, or voluntary, I hope this woman will receive the psychiatric assistance she desperately needs. I am a strong proponent for supporting and treating individuals who suffer from mental illness. Her incarceration validated my belief that this woman was unable to make rational decisions due to her mental illness.

As monument builders, we must always strive to exercise patience with the families whom we serve. It is not always easy, but we should try. Sooner or later, the truth will come to light and victims will be exonerated of the aspersions cast falsely upon them.

Pray for and support individuals with mental illness especially during times of mourning and through the cycles of grief, as “the final straw” may occur as a result of the loss of a loved one. It is not always easy, but always remember that some personal attacks are the imperfection of the attacker and not the fault of the accused.

Proverbs 3:30, "Do not accuse a man for no reason — when he has done you no harm."

Proverbs 19:5, " A false witness will not go unpunished, and he who pours out lies will not go free."

If you have thoughts you wish to share, please email me at Burton@USAMonuments.com and I will post select comments on this site. I thank you in advance for your contributions to improve the death-care industry, memorialization and honor the loved ones of grieving families.

Burton Fletcher
Owner
http://www.usamonuments.com/

Find A Grave

This section will be expanded and updated with materials I have received from other sources. I do not claim authorization or originality in this section.

"Check http://beta.blogger.com/www.findagrave.com. You can search for Hollywood Cemetery, and post a request for a picture. It sends emails to people who have volunteered to take photos in that area. "

********

Do Catholic Cemeteries & For-Profit Cemeteries Place Unreasonable Burdens on External Cemetery Purchases

I received a call on December 4, 2006 from a monument builder in Gonzales, Texas. He expressed his appreciation for my numerous publications and history of advocacy for issues affecting consumers and the monument industry. I welcomed his call as it is always good to hear from my readers.

We talked about how some within the funeral industry have looked at cemeteries as the dumping grounds for its services instead of the place of importance that they should be. Cemeteries are places where we honor our loved ones, and members of the communities. They deserve to be properly maintained as places where we honor both the living as well as the dead. Accordingly, from cemetery maintenance to proper design and installation of monuments, we should all be concerned for the appearance and preservation of cemeteries.

Obviously, I do not want to sweep with too broad brush as the illegal, unethical or short-sided actions of one person should not mar the reputation of the entire industry, as every industry, trade and profession has good and bad apples.

We talked about the differences between a monument and a memorial and how our company prefers to build memorials and not monuments and the difference between the two is that a memorial honors the life of a person more than celebrating the death with seldom more than the name and dates of birth and death.

I explained how we build Family History Plaques (SM) and how these plaques have been very popular with our clients. See http://www.valdostamemorials.com/LifeHistoryPlaques.asp.

During our conversation, we discussed the difficulty of installing monuments in Catholic Cemeteries with onerous rules on outside monument companies. I have observed absurdly onerous rules designed to limit competition that were generated by for-profit cemeteries too, particularly those cemeteries owned by the large corporate conglomerates. I have even observed situations where private cemeteries falsely stated that they would not allow the installation of outside products, an event clearly in violation of Federal Trade Commission regulations and fair business practices.

I suspect the ability to compete fairly and on a level playing field is an area of common concern that should receive a united front by the monument industry. I would like to hear from my colleagues and the public on this and other subjects of concern.

If you have thoughts you wish to share, please email me at Burton@USAMonuments.com and I will post select comments on this site. I thank you in advance for your contributions to improve the death-care industry, memorialization and honor the loved ones of grieving families.

Burton Fletcher
Owner
http://www.usamonuments.com/

A Perspective on Appreciating Time

A little something to put things in perspective...

After a forest fire in Yellowstone National Park the forest rangers began their trek up a mountain to assess the inferno's damage.

One ranger found a bird literally petrified in ashes, perched statuesquely on the ground at the base of a tree. Somewhat sickened by the eerie sight, he knocked over the bird with a stick.

When he gently struck it, three tiny chicks scurried from under their dead mother's wings.

The loving mother, keenly aware of impending disaster, had carried her offspring to the base of the tree and had gathered them under her wings, instinctively knowing that the toxic smoke would rise.

She could have flown to safety but had refused to abandon her babies. Then the blaze had arrived and the heat had scorched her small body. The mother had remained steadfast.

She had been willing to die, so those under the cover of her wings would live.

"He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge." (Psalm 91:4)

Being loved this much should make a difference in your life.
Remember the One who loves you, and then be different because of it.

My instructions were to send this to people that I wanted God to bless and I picked you.

Please pass this on to people that you want to be blessed.

Please read on . . .

To realize the value of a sister ~ Ask someone who doesn't have one.

To realize the value of ten years ~ Ask a newly divorced couple.

To realize the value of four years ~ Ask a graduate.

To realize the value of one year ~ Ask a student who has failed a final exam.

To realize the value of one month ~ Ask a mother who has given birth to a premature baby.

To realize the value of one week~ Ask an editor of a weekly newspaper.

To realize the value of one hour ~ Ask the lovers who are waiting to meet.

To realize the value of one minute ~ Ask a person who has missed the train, bus or plane.

To realize the value of one-second ~ Ask one who has survived an accident.

To realize the value of one millisecond ~ Ask the person who has won a silver medal in the Olympics.

Time waits for no one. Treasure every moment you have.

You will treasure it even more when you can share it with someone special.

To realize the value of a friend ~ Lose one.

The origin of this letter is unknown, but it brings good luck to everyone who passes it on.

Do not keep this letter.

Forward it to friends to whom you wish Good Peace, Love and Prosperity.

God Bless You!

Please share your thoughts with us by emailing Burton@USAMonuments.com.

What Does It Mean To Be In A Service Business?

Do you ever think about the business opportunities to distinguish your company from all others? How can you do that? What makes your company unique? If you have had a good or a not so good experience with a monument company, please share that too. We love to hear from our readers and we will be posting select comments on our blog.

Please share your thoughts with us by emailing Burton@USAMonuments.com.

Abraham Lincoln Items On EBay!

I have over 100 items up for auction on eBay. If you collect Abraham Lincoln, Civil War or similar memorabilia, then you will want to check out my site. Happy bidding!

Visit my site on e-Bay. http://search.ebay.com/_W0QQsassZfletch-in-valdostaQQhtZ-1

Share with us by emailing your thoughts to Burton@USAMonuments.com.

What Will The Monument Industry Look Like In 10, 20, 50 Years From Now?

Question: What will the monument industry look like in 10, 20, 50 years from now?

Answer: I would like to hear the views of my colleagues within the industry. While I will not be in the industry 20 years from now, I hope the industry is thriving. What we do as memorialists is important to the families we serve. If you have ideas you would like to share, please send them to me.

I'm the moderator and I am strict that ideas should be presented with thought and respect. Otherwise, I have few rules on the subject. Please share your thoughts and identify yourself if you like; however, anonymous is okay too! Please note that though you may be listed as Anonymous, my tracking software identifies the identities of all visitors to my site. This information remains private and confidential.

Share with us by emailing your thoughts to Burton@USAMonuments.com.

Caveat Emptor, Caveat Vendor & The Golden Rule!

Some folks are great at creating a double bind, a set of circumstances in which the vendor must choose between similarly disappointing choices. Like any vendor should, I seek to avoid those dilemmas, as I explain below.

Caveat Emptor: The Latin phrase, caveat emptor, meaning buyer beware, is the principle in commerce that the buyer alone is accountable for measuring the merit of an acquisition before purchasing.

Caveat Vendor: Unfortunately, there are some people in this world who are always picking fights with others and who are never satisfied with the work of others. Of course, they have a lower standard for themselves than what they have for everyone else. With these people, and in those situations, I say caveat vendor or vendor beware!

I read a quote, attributed to Savvy, that states:“A final caveat: Most experts feel that clients get unsatisfactory results when they don't specify clearly what they want.” The vendor cannot be responsible for a buyer’s lack of clear instructions, or for a buyer’s remorse!

If we manufacture a monument that is different than the specifications ordered, we will either adjust the price or replace the monument, as it was our responsibility to produce the memorial in accord with the instructions we were given.

The Golden Rule: I believe in “the Golden Rule,” the concept that we should do unto others as we would have them do unto us. That is always the starting and ending point in our relations with our clients.

If I treat clients as I would wish to be treated, then I have fulfilled my part of the bargain.

Share with us by emailing your thoughts to Burton@USAMonuments.com.

Should The Monument Industry Have Higher Standards For Entry Into The Profession?

We have studied our competition and we have observed many within the monument industry who are inexperienced in business management. As a consequence, unable to proficiently run a business, they get into financial trouble, harming consumers and the reputation of the entire industry. So, we ask, the question: "Should the monument industry have higher standards for entry into the profession?"

We are informed of a monument company who was full of empty promises, but short on delivery. See, http://www.9wsyr.com/news/local/story.aspx?content_id=d3599086-491a-4f1c-8cc0-bd71e2531310&rss=112.

Please read the story below and decide for yourself. These problems could have been avoided with a sound business education, closer supervision by governmental authorities, and perhaps ethics training. We support all three requirements.

I would like to hear from you so please share your experiences regarding the monument industry.


Your Stories Investigation: Still No HeadstonesLast Update: 5/31/2006 5:40:02 AM


(WSYR-TV) - More excuses, and still no headstones, from Tri-County Memorials owner Dan Holleran. Holleran promised headstones for families that ordered them by Memorial Day, but none were delivered. It comes as no surprise to dozens of customers, some of whom have waited years for their headstones. Now, the Attorney General says his office won’t stand for it.

We’ve heard from family after family who are waiting to reach closure after the death of their loved ones. They are waiting for the headstones they ordered from Tri-County Memorials.
“I paid them, and never heard from them again. Nothing. They said the place closed down for vacation, and he got hurt, and the artist was on vacation, I have heard everything. Everything you can think of,” said Molly Morency. Morency’s 17-year-old son Joe died in a car accident in 2002. Since then, all she has gotten from Tri-County owner Dan Holleran is broken promises.

The same is true for Rita Dirienz, who ordered her stone three years ago. She was promised a stone by Memorial Day, but when she came to check, one wasn’t there. She had to leave the flowers she had purchased for her husband in the shrubs behind where he is buried.

Still no headstones for the Meade family of Oneida either. Their sister paid for her own stone before passing away three years ago.

All this is not sitting well with the Attorney General’s office. It has been investigating Tri-County Memorials and Dan Holleran for a few weeks now.

“That’s simply deceptive, that’s a suggestion to me of an on-going fraudulent behavior, that if necessary, we go into court and seek to get some sort of injunction,” said Win Thurlow at the Attorney General’s office.

Holleran admits he is behind, and has been hearing from a lot of worried customers. Some were even checking in when we showed up at his store. But he says tomorrow, he is going to pick up some stone. Just how many? He wasn’t sure.

“I don’t know, there’s quite a few but they’re going to get delivered,” Holleran told our Jennifer Lewke.

“You keep saying that, but they never show up,” Lewke said.

“Starting tomorrow, we’ll start delivering, I’m all set to go,” Holleran answered.

But it’s easy to see why customers don’t believe him.

“I’ve heard that tomorrow, next week, I’ve heard that forever. Nope, I don’t believe it,” said one customer.

The Attorney General’s office says it plans on completing its investigation in the next week or so, and will then move forward with plans to make Holleran make good on his orders. We will keep you posted.

From May 19th, 2006:

Dozens of people have called our Your Stories line to say they've been waiting months and even years for a headstone they ordered to honor the memory of a loved one. The company is Tri-County Memorials of North Syracuse. Your Stories viewers say that owner Dan Holleran made them pay up front for their stones and hasn't delivered the stones as promised. Some have been waiting for more than 2 years.Holleran tells NewsChannel 9 that he's been struggling the past few years financially and physically and has been unable to fill his orders on time. He says he is beginning to get back on track and should have most of the stones that were set to be placed months or years ago in by Memorial Day.

The Attorney General is now looking into the matter. If you've been waiting an extended time for a stone you purchased from Tri-County, call the Attorney General at 448-4800. From Noon, May 19th, 2006 North Syracuse (WSYR-TV) - Families wanting a fitting tribute for their lost loved ones are getting nothing but a big headache from Tri-County Memorials. Our Your Stories line has been filled with complaints from customers who have been waiting up to three years to receive headstones for their loved ones from the company.

Since our story on Tri-County Memorials first aired last night, we’ve gotten more than a dozen calls from people who say they have not yet received their headstones from the company.

Our Jennifer Lewke is talking to more victims today, and will file a report on NewsChannel 9 starting at 5:00 PM.

Yesterday, Jennifer spoke with Rita Direnz, who ordered a gravestone with Tri-County Memorials following the death of her husband. The headstone was promised six to eight weeks after she ordered it, but it’s still not at the site of her husband’s grave.

The man who was paid up-front to produce and place the headstone is Dan Holleran, who owns Tri-County Memorials. Rita and several other Your Stories callers say since they signed contracts with him months, if not years ago, they have heard excuse after excuse as to why the stones aren’t done.

“I asked him where he gets the stone from, who the engraver is, because I personally wanted to call them and make sure the order was even placed,” Direnz said.

Holleran says an injury last summer prevented him from setting stones. But he is trying to get back on his feet this season, and fulfill orders. So far, Rita is not convinced.

“As of last week, I contacted his office 40 times, and it’s always one thing after another, just different excuses,” Direnz said.

Some local cemeteries say they have had their fair share of problems with Holleran too, so some have stopped doing business with him altogether.

Holleran tells NewsChannel 9 that the stone for Rita’s husband is finished, and he will place it by Memorial Day.

Permission to use the preceding article was graciously provided by Brian Foster, Assistant News Director, WSYR-TV NewsChannel 9WSYR-TV and 9WSYR.COM.

Don't Waste The Day!

The following thoughts were found in an antique store several years ago. I thought they offered a lot of advice and I will share them with my readers. I hope you enjoy them! Burton

"Don't Waste It"

"On this day:
Mend a quarrel~
Search out a forgotten friend~
Dismiss a suspicion and replace it with trust~
Encourage someone who has lost faith~
Keep a promise~
Examine your demands on others and reduce them~
Fight for a principle~
Express your gratitude~
Overcome an old fear~
Take two minutes to appreciate nature~
Tell someone you love them~
Tell them again~
And again~
And again~
"Life is short, and we should make the most of every day."

Please feel free to email me your own thoughts at Burton@USAMonuments.com.

Terminology: Monument Versus Memorial

I recently exchanged email with a columnist regarding the difference between a monument and a memorial. I believe the thoughts may be of interest to my readers. Please feel free to email me your own thoughts at Burton@USAMonuments.com.

"Dear John,

You wrote another fine article, “We still need to hear Dr. King's words, not just visit a monument.” As a Southerner, I recall with appall the days of Jim Crow and overt institutional racism. I too am happy that public racism has been censored in our society. As a young man, I spoke out for equality of treatment for the races. As a society, we have come a long way, though we have not achieved equality of treatment or opportunity for our fellow man.

One point that you made deserves comment by me and I wish to express my view that a monument and a memorial though often considered to be synonymous have different meanings.
We memorialize honorees through monuments, plaques, street signs, moments of silence, parades, proclamations, building dedication ceremonies and holidays to honor the lives of noteworthy individuals, organizations, ideas and events.

Memorials are a broader concept than monuments. Surely, Dr. King deserves to be honored and memorialized as his actions were fundamental in changing the heart of a nation. The remembrance site in Washington D.C. will be a memorial. It is true that it will have one or more monuments, but the site itself is a memorial.

As a nationally recognized monument builder, with numerous national publications on the subject, I can state that a monument is, for all practical purposes, an object of remembrance. A memorial incorporates the use of monuments to memorialize the life or event that persons may wish to perpetuate in memory.

As a memorial designer, and owner of USAMonuments.com, I recognize that most families build monuments for their loved ones and not memorials. Private monuments usually express the name, dates of birth and death and perhaps a short epitaph and little more about the individual.

Memorials celebrate and honor the uniqueness of life, celebrating the characteristics of the individual and serving as a resource to not only honor the individual but to educate others both living as well as those who are not yet born.

I advocate the use of a Life History Plaque to memorialize the life and family history of a family’s loved ones. A $250 investment can serve as a testament that will be cherished through the ages and will turn the typical monument into a memorial that will serve to remind us and celebrate and honor our family history. This is much more to a memorial than a monument and Dr. King deserves to have many monuments and memorials to celebrate his profound positive influence on the moral compass of our nation and the world."

Share with us by emailing your thoughts to Burton@USAMonuments.com.

An Update On Losing A Pet

It has been said that "time heals all wounds." I'm not sure that wounds are ever healed; however, the pain subsides as we go on with our lives.

I still feel the loss of Muffin, my beloved Chihuahua, though it has been a little over two months since her passing. Though she can never be replaced, a wonderful joy came into my life with the adoption of Bobby, a Chihuahua, and Dusty, a Britany Spaniel.

Bobby is my favorite of the two as he is compact and the house dog of the two. Dusty is a pure bred and high strung. He is a sweet dog, though his numerous antics for chewing up water hoses, digging holes and the like test me on a frequent basis. Yes, I love them both. I adopted both from the pound in remembrance of Muffin. I felt like it was the right thing to do and I have never once regretted my decision.

Bobby had been abused sometime in his past. He still has a buck shot pellet in his left front leg. When he runs, he lifts his left rear leg. I cannot imagine the circumstances where anyone would want to harm an animal so small.

Bobby was quick tempered when we first adopted him. With lots of love, his temperament has changed, and he is obviously in love with us, just as we are in love with him. When we go to the door, he is right there with us, ready to go for a ride just as we took Muffin with us throughout her life.

I still miss Muffin and her cremains rest beneath my desk in a beautiful urn. Life goes on with or without us and we might as well accept that the world is not going to stop turning when we pass on. Life is short under the best of circumstances, and for too many folks, it is cut even shorter. We never know when we are going to pull out in front of a semi-truck, so we should have our affairs in order.

I love you Muffin. I love you Bobby. I love you Dusty. Life is so much better with the joy that our pet friends bring into our lives. Amen!

Share with us by emailing your thoughts to Burton@USAMonuments.com.

Losing A Pet

MONDAY, SEPTEMBER 11, 2006
LOSING A PET

August 16, 2006 was a very sad day in the Fletcher household. On that day, I lost a beloved pet friend. The following are words that I wrote on that day.

I am sad; very, very sad today, Wednesday, August 16, 2006. My pet friend, Muffin, a beautiful Chihuahua died in my arms as a result of congestive heart failure.

I was crying as I began typing my thoughts today. I knew Muffin had heart troubles and I was treating her as the veterinarian prescribed. This morning, she let out a petitioning wail and I knew it was her end when I saw her.

I picked her up and a few minutes later she died in my arms. Muffin had let out a cry of pain in recent weeks as she was unable to breathe. This time, I picked her up and it was obvious that she was in the process of dying.

My efforts to resuscitate her using mouth-to-mouth resuscitation were not successful. I held her in my arms and in a few minutes she exhaled her last breath.

I loved this pet friend as she was my closest companion during some of the most difficult times of my life. She was with me when I felt abandoned by my friends and was stoned by my enemies.

On most nights, she slept beneath the covers of my bed. There were very few trips away from home when Muffin was not with me.

This is a very sad time for me!

Grieving is not a pleasant emotion.

My best friend, Emi (pronounced “Amy”) age 77 and a victim of dementia, and for whom I am a caregiver, held Muffin’s lifeless body in her arms and against her chest for the longest time.

Though I tried to close them, Muffin’s eyes remained open. Her tongue was out. Her ears were pointed high. Muffin looked as if death had brought her peace!

We respectfully wrapped Muffin’s body in a new blanket and neatly folded the package. We placed the blanket in a box for transport to the veterinarian so Muffin’s body can later be transported to a cremation facility in Gainesville, Florida. It is my desire that Muffin’s ashes be placed along side of Emi’s and mine inside the crypt that will hold our cremains.

Months ago, I installed a memorial for all of my pets at the Fletcher Memorial. This is a very sad day as I have lost the joy of having a great friend. I will cherish the memories during the years we shared together as she was a very special buddy who brought great joy to Emi and me.

Friends of mine arrived and I received a hug of condolence. I asked them to take Muffin’s body to the veterinarian which they did. After they left, Emi cried tearfully and hugged me saying, “Who is going to take Muffin’s place?” In truth, no one, and no pet, will take Muffin’s place. She was very special!

Burton

Share with us by emailing your thoughts to Burton@USAMonuments.com.

Good Communication Is A Two-Way Street

To say that good communication is a two-way street is a cliche.

I often communicate with representatives from foreign companies with whom we have working relationships. It is a characteristic of different cultures to exhibit different styles of communication. I have found that Asians are more interested in relationships than Americans.

Typically, Asians are more courteous and patient than Americans. Asians focus on relationships first and business second. Americans are just the opposite. Americans are often unnecessarily impolite and impatient to their own disadvantage.

When it comes to architectural design, interior decorating, garden planning or monument and memorialization design, I encourage prospective clients to give us an opportunity to get to know each other. We have a lot of knowledge that we share for free. Too many folks have a strongly held, but uneducated opinions that are incomplete at best, and wrong at worst. If we can establish good communication and mutual respect with prospective clients, we seek to educate as part of our service.

At the outset, please provide us with your name, city, phone and email address, and provide us with as many details as possible, including the place of installation.

Starting off a relationship by asking "how much?" without anything more will not receive the same type of reply as a slower, more open approach to relationship building.

Please don't misunderstand me as we happily serve a wide range of personalities; however, life is short and we want to serve you effectively, efficiently and happily. We take great pride in our relationship building and our workmanship; however, we also care about our clients. Please take the time to be patient, open and sharing and you will be surprised at how much rewarding relationships will be.

We are here to serve you and we look forward to communicating with you. Give us a call, toll free at 888-9Statue (888.978.2883) or email us at Desk1@ValdostaMemorials.com. We serve clients throughout the United States and other countries. Now, remember that good communication is a two-way street, so let's talk soon!

Share with us by emailing your thoughts to Burton@USAMonuments.com.

Beautiful Memories & The Wisdom Of Clients

I have great relationships with our clients. In one way or another, I seem to learn something from all of my clients. Sandy Reeves hired us to build a memorial for her dad. A message on her email had the following quote: "I dropped a tear in the ocean. When they find it; that's when I'll stop remembering you..."

Those words speak volumes about the bonds we form with our loved ones. I hope you share those same bonds with others in your life. I also hope when you pass away someone will memorialize your memory for eternity. After all, every life is precious and through memorialization, we communicate our love to others.

Sandy, thank you for giving me inspiration.

"I dropped a tear in the ocean. When they find it; that's when I'll stop remembering you..."

Share with us by emailing your thoughts to Burton@USAMonuments.com.

Creating Positive Sentimental Memories

I wrote the following article "Creating Positive Sentimental Memories," earlier this year. The original article, with photos of some of my family, can be found in the articles section of our website at http://www.valdostamemorials.com/articles/CreatingMemories.asp. The story and photos express one of those sentimental experiences that each of us should strive to create whenever we can.

I am lucky to have a great relationship with my sister Emma Jean and her family. Over the years, our relationship has strengthened and I now consider her to be one of my best friends. I call her nearly every day for a few minutes of catch up.

I wish I had such a great relationship with all of my family; however, life does not always come to us in the manner that we would like. All we can do is take what we have and make the best of it while striving to create as many positive sentimental memories as the people and events in our lives may allow. Positive sentimenal memories can be planned, and they should alway be cherished. Burton//

The Memorialist: Creating Positive Sentimental Memories
Author: Burton Fletcher
Publication Date: 2006-02


Daily, we are creating memories that will serve to either unite or divide our family that will be stored and invested, to be recalled later with either sadness or happiness.

Celebrations for birthdays, weddings, and funerals are events where long-term memories are created. As part of our construction of the Fletcher Memorial, my brother-in-law, nieces, and others, worked together to build the concrete foundation that would later be covered with granite chips.

I thought this would be a grand opportunity to write our names in the concrete in an area that will hopefully not be disturbed by future burials. This also serves to create a treasure that will evoke positive memories. In essence, this is a time capsule within the collective memories of those who worked together, known to each of us, and available to anyone who may desire to sweep back the granite cover at some future point in time for a peek into the past. I can visualize descendants’ generations from now standing at the memorial site being told the story of the construction of the memorial and how we worked together to create a beautiful family memorial.

While I do not often think of this quality of my character, surely, I am a sentimentalist. Unquestionably, sentimentalism is a quality to my personality that serves me well as a memorialist. I would not want to work with a memorialist who was not a sentimentalist, as emotion and art go hand in hand throughout the creative process.

Just as it is true that you should take time to smell the roses, also take time to write your name in the concrete. Create your own living time capsule of symbols that reinforce a common heritage and family unity; after all, it is the right thing to do!

Share with us by emailing your thoughts to Burton@USAMonuments.com.

Tell Me About Head Stone Cleaner?

"Head Stone Cleaner" is an item we are receiving inquiries on so I thought I might as well address the subject here.

We sell a Head Stone Cleaner with Teflon Protectors that is represented to remove dirt, moss and mold and to restore the natural luster to granite, marble, concrete and stone.

The manufacturer says it is as easy as spraying on and waiting for 60 seconds before wiping with a clean cloth or paper towel.

I have also used Pledge on polished granite with a desirable effect. We have another cleaner in the office that we use to clean stone.

For those folks who desire to prolong the polished finish of bronze, I recommend car polish and a soft cloth.

Please share your experiences with cleaning products and I will be happy to pass them along to our clients.

Share with us by emailing your thoughts to Burton@USAMonuments.com.

What Do You Expect In A Website?

As you view www.USAMonuments.com or www.ValdostaMemorials.com, please take a few moments to bookmark our site so you can locate us in the future. Also, please provide us with feedback on our site and express your likes and your dislikes. You can email me directly at Burton@USAMonuments.com or you may call me toll free at 888.978.2883.

Unlike most monument companies, we import products directly and we also serve an international clientele. We have clients from throughout the United States and other countries with a growing list of satisfied clients.

We hope you enjoy our selection of products. We are diversifying and in the future we will be opening up a stone products company named www.InternationalHouseOfStone.com. Under whatever name you may know us, we hope you will visit often as we are a dynamic organization focused more on the present and future than on the past as so many of our competitors seem to be. With your support and assistance we will continue to be in the vanguard of companies totally committed to our client's satisfaction.

Visiting Cemeteries Is A Fun Experience

Visiting cemeteries is an enjoyable experience to me. Too many folks have hangups regarding cemeteries. Sooner or later, everyone is going to die, and most of us will probably wind up there. Accept the inevitable and enjoy every moment along life's journey.

Recently, I visited Jacksonville, Florida and stayed with my aunt Dorothy for a couple of enjoyable days.

Before my visit, I called funeral directors and asked which cemeteries were worthy of photographic or historical significance.

With the names in hand, I researched the addresses and used www.mapquest.com to compile directions to the various cemeteries.

As many of you know, Jacksonville, Florida is a large city. Though I have lived in a large city most of my life, I know the importance of using extra caution in visiting cities in which I am unfamiliar. Just having directions is not enough for an enjoyable visit.

I had the opportunity to stop by a center for folks who are in need of financial resources. I asked whether anyone with intimate knowledge of the city was interested in assisting me with my tour in exchange for financial compensation.

Fortunately, I met a gentleman named "Shorty" who agreed to work for me during the visit. Shorty was an excellent companion and tour guide. He might not have known about all of the cemetery locations; however, with directions in hand, and his knowledge of the local area, I had the time of my life.

I took nearly 500 photographs during my trip and posted approximately 350 of those photographs in our cemetery section of www.USAMonuments.com.

My advice: Plan your sightseeing trip; know your destinations; obtain directions in advance; and hire a local guide from the pool of available labor who are in need of financial assistance. Finally, with digital camera in hand, and lots of rechargeable batteries, enjoy the experience!

Share with us by emailing your thoughts to Burton@USAMonuments.com.