Strange Quotes:
"I just broke up with someone and the last thing she said to me was, 'You'll never find anyone like me again!' I'm thinking, 'I should hope not! If I don't want you, why would I want someone like you?' --Larry Miller
"A woman broke up with me and sent me pictures of her and her new boyfriend in bed together. Solution? I sent them to her dad." --Christopher Case
"A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study: Duh." --Conan O'Brien
"I don't know what's wrong with my television set. I was getting C-Span and the Home Shopping Network on the same station. I actually bought a congressman." --Bruce Baum
"Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives." --Sue Murphy
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Today's Featured Humor : -) - Things You Would Love to Say - But Don't
Dare
You'd Love To Say It, But Don't Dare Part II
What am I?... Flypaper for freaks!
And your cry-baby whiny-butt opinion would be...?
Do I look like a people person?
I started out with nothing & still have most of it left.
Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
If I throw a stick, will you leave?
Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.
Can I trade this job for what's behind door #1?
Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?
CHAOS, PANIC, & DISORDER - my work here is done.
How do I set a laser printer to stun?
I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.
Burton Fletcher
www.USAMonuments.com
Monday, May 21, 2007
Colonoscopies Are No Joke!
Colonoscopies are no joke , but these comments during the exam are quitehumorous.....
A physician claimed that the following were actual commentsmade by his patients (predominately male) while he was performing theircolonoscopies :
1. "Take it easy, Doc. You're boldly going where no man has gone before!
2. "Find Amelia Earhart yet?"
3. "Can you hear me NOW?"
4. "Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?"
5. "You know, in Arkansas , we're now legally married."
6. "Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?"
7. "You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out..."
8. "Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!"
9. "If your hand doesn't fit, you must quit!
10. "Hey Doc, let me know if you find my dignity."
11. "You used to be an executive at Enron, didn't you?"
12. "God, now I know why I am not gay."
13. "Should I smile for my Kodak Moment?"
And the best one of all...
14. "Could you write a note for my wife saying that my head is not up there?"
Burton Fletcher
www.USAMonuments.com
A physician claimed that the following were actual commentsmade by his patients (predominately male) while he was performing theircolonoscopies :
1. "Take it easy, Doc. You're boldly going where no man has gone before!
2. "Find Amelia Earhart yet?"
3. "Can you hear me NOW?"
4. "Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?"
5. "You know, in Arkansas , we're now legally married."
6. "Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?"
7. "You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out..."
8. "Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!"
9. "If your hand doesn't fit, you must quit!
10. "Hey Doc, let me know if you find my dignity."
11. "You used to be an executive at Enron, didn't you?"
12. "God, now I know why I am not gay."
13. "Should I smile for my Kodak Moment?"
And the best one of all...
14. "Could you write a note for my wife saying that my head is not up there?"
Burton Fletcher
www.USAMonuments.com
Sunday, May 13, 2007
What Do You Say To Those Who Are Grieving?
What do you say to those in grief who has lost a loved one, whether that person was a human or a pet friend? How do you express yourself to comfort and support during a time of intense emotional distress? The following are words that are worthy of sharing so I am passing them along to my readers. I hope you enjoy them.
As the days and weeks pass, and as you return to life’s routine, may you continue to feel comforted by the love and support of family and friends.
I was so sorry to hear of your loss. Please let me know if there is anything I can do to help at this time.
I was so sorry to hear of your loss. The thoughts of many are with you at this time of sorrow.
May God bless you and your family in this time of sorrow.
May the love of friends and family carry you through your grief.
May your hearts soon be filled with wonderful memories of joyful times together as you celebrate a life well-lived.
My heart goes out to you at this time and in the days ahead.
My thoughts and prayers are with you in your time of grief. May your memories bring you comfort.
No bond is as great as that between a parent and child. Our deepest condolences are with you as you grieve.
Our hearts go out to you at this time and in the days ahead.
Our thoughts and prayers are with you in your time of grief. May your memories bring you comfort.
Please accept our deepest sympathies.
Take comfort in knowing that now you have a special guardian angel to watch over you.
The loss of someone so close is difficult to bear. We share your grief.
We were so sorry to hear of your loss. Please let us know if there is anything we can do to help at this time.
We were so sorry to hear of your loss. The thoughts of many are with you at this time of sorrow.
You are in our thoughts and prayers.
Take a peak at http://www.ruthann1.com for many other thoughtful expressions that may help you say or write words that are appropriate for the occasion.
Burton Fletcher
Burton@USAMonuments.com
As the days and weeks pass, and as you return to life’s routine, may you continue to feel comforted by the love and support of family and friends.
I was so sorry to hear of your loss. Please let me know if there is anything I can do to help at this time.
I was so sorry to hear of your loss. The thoughts of many are with you at this time of sorrow.
May God bless you and your family in this time of sorrow.
May the love of friends and family carry you through your grief.
May your hearts soon be filled with wonderful memories of joyful times together as you celebrate a life well-lived.
My heart goes out to you at this time and in the days ahead.
My thoughts and prayers are with you in your time of grief. May your memories bring you comfort.
No bond is as great as that between a parent and child. Our deepest condolences are with you as you grieve.
Our hearts go out to you at this time and in the days ahead.
Our thoughts and prayers are with you in your time of grief. May your memories bring you comfort.
Please accept our deepest sympathies.
Take comfort in knowing that now you have a special guardian angel to watch over you.
The loss of someone so close is difficult to bear. We share your grief.
We were so sorry to hear of your loss. Please let us know if there is anything we can do to help at this time.
We were so sorry to hear of your loss. The thoughts of many are with you at this time of sorrow.
You are in our thoughts and prayers.
Take a peak at http://www.ruthann1.com for many other thoughtful expressions that may help you say or write words that are appropriate for the occasion.
Burton Fletcher
Burton@USAMonuments.com
Monday, May 07, 2007
After-Death Instructions
The following template may be of value to express your end-of-life wishes. If you do not provide your wishes in written form, you may look down from Heaven to see that there is confusion and misunderstanding as to your after-death instructions. Take the time to clearly communicate your wishes so your grieving relatives will not be likely to make ill-informed decisions after your death.
After-Death Instructions For (Your Name)
I, (Your Name), being of sound mind, do hereby specify and declare my wishes regarding the end of my life.
Coordinators: (Names) will be in charge of my burial arrangements. The two will be authorized to make decisions in accord with these instructions.
Donor: Parts of my body may be harvested as may be needed to aid the lives of others. This bequest includes my eyes, skin, bone and organs.
Cremation: After donor harvesting, I desire that my body be cremated.
Interment: I desire that my cremains be interred in a memorial bench in the _____________ Family Plots at the __________________ Church Cemetery in ____________, ________.
I desire that my ashes be placed in a blue urn in my possession. The urn of my companion, ______________ is pink. Both urns will be interred together. It is my desire that the wooden urn for my beloved pet, ___________, be interred with us. When my pets, ___________and __________ die, I desire that they be cremated and that their cremains be interred with our cremains. At that time, the cremation bench should be permanently sealed for security.
Viewing: I oppose any type of public viewing of my body. My body should be available for private viewing by my immediate family, without makeup and in a natural state, for two hours at the place of my death. Thereafter, I request that my body not be available for viewing.
Embalming: I oppose any embalming of my remains.
Funeral &
Memorial
Service: I oppose and desire that there be no public funeral or memorial service. Should the family desire an interment ceremony at the graveside, then it is my desire that _________ be in charge of the service.
Obituary: I desire that the attached obituary and photograph be published in the following newspapers:
Names, addresses, phone and email for newspapers.
Online Obituary: I desire that I have a permanent online obituary.
I declare that these are my requests on the date indicated. All previous instructions are null and void.
___________________________________
Date, Your Name and Signature
I declare that the above person personally appeared before me this date, executed this document, and asked that his wishes be performed in accord with these instructions.
___________________________________
Date, Printed Name and Signature of Witnesses
___________________________________
Date, Printed Name, Signature and Notarial Seal
After-Death Instructions For (Your Name)
I, (Your Name), being of sound mind, do hereby specify and declare my wishes regarding the end of my life.
Coordinators: (Names) will be in charge of my burial arrangements. The two will be authorized to make decisions in accord with these instructions.
Donor: Parts of my body may be harvested as may be needed to aid the lives of others. This bequest includes my eyes, skin, bone and organs.
Cremation: After donor harvesting, I desire that my body be cremated.
Interment: I desire that my cremains be interred in a memorial bench in the _____________ Family Plots at the __________________ Church Cemetery in ____________, ________.
I desire that my ashes be placed in a blue urn in my possession. The urn of my companion, ______________ is pink. Both urns will be interred together. It is my desire that the wooden urn for my beloved pet, ___________, be interred with us. When my pets, ___________and __________ die, I desire that they be cremated and that their cremains be interred with our cremains. At that time, the cremation bench should be permanently sealed for security.
Viewing: I oppose any type of public viewing of my body. My body should be available for private viewing by my immediate family, without makeup and in a natural state, for two hours at the place of my death. Thereafter, I request that my body not be available for viewing.
Embalming: I oppose any embalming of my remains.
Funeral &
Memorial
Service: I oppose and desire that there be no public funeral or memorial service. Should the family desire an interment ceremony at the graveside, then it is my desire that _________ be in charge of the service.
Obituary: I desire that the attached obituary and photograph be published in the following newspapers:
Names, addresses, phone and email for newspapers.
Online Obituary: I desire that I have a permanent online obituary.
I declare that these are my requests on the date indicated. All previous instructions are null and void.
___________________________________
Date, Your Name and Signature
I declare that the above person personally appeared before me this date, executed this document, and asked that his wishes be performed in accord with these instructions.
___________________________________
Date, Printed Name and Signature of Witnesses
___________________________________
Date, Printed Name, Signature and Notarial Seal
Wednesday, May 02, 2007
To Practice Death Is To Practice Freedom
I received a message today with a reference to a website post worthy of attention.
"Men come and they go and they trot and they dance, and never a word about death. All well and good. Yet when death does come - to them, their wives, their children, their friends - catching them unawares and unprepared, then what storms of passion overwhelm them, what cries, what fury, what despair!
To begin depriving death of its greatest advantage over us, let us adopt a way clean contrary to that common one; let us deprive death of its strangeness, let us frequent it, let us get used to it; let us have nothing more often in mind than death... We do not know where death awaits us: so let us wait for it everywhere.
To practice death is to practice freedom. A man who has learned how to die has unlearned how to be a slave.
- Montaigne"
"Men come and they go and they trot and they dance, and never a word about death. All well and good. Yet when death does come - to them, their wives, their children, their friends - catching them unawares and unprepared, then what storms of passion overwhelm them, what cries, what fury, what despair!
To begin depriving death of its greatest advantage over us, let us adopt a way clean contrary to that common one; let us deprive death of its strangeness, let us frequent it, let us get used to it; let us have nothing more often in mind than death... We do not know where death awaits us: so let us wait for it everywhere.
To practice death is to practice freedom. A man who has learned how to die has unlearned how to be a slave.
- Montaigne"
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