Today, I received an email that stimulated my thoughts on the potential for conflict among family members, and others, during burial rituals, from last rites, through a viewing in a funeral home to funerals.
Violence At The Funeral Home or The Funeral
Two of my cousins engaged in a fight at the funeral home when their father died. Naturally, emotions run high at the time of death of a close member of the family and previous animosities may or may not be pushed into the background as individuals jockey for influence and decision making in the burial proceedings.
Some folks are mentally ill, others are violent, while others harbor strong animous over real or imagined offenses. Everyone is a potential victim of someone seeking to do harm to others. Everyone knows someone who is a ticking timebomb of sorts.
If There Is A Potential For Violence, Precautions Should Be Taken
One thing is for certain, if there is a potential for conflict, funeral home management and the police should be forewarned and proper preparations should be in place. It should also be clear in advance as to who the decision makers will be in the burial rituals.
Conflict After Remarriage
My mother remarried after my father died. Her new husband's ex-wife approached my mother at a funeral the one time they met, introduced herself, and then boldly asserted to my mother and her husband that she (the first wife) was the first and best wife my mother's husband would ever have. Apparently, my mother and her husband see the world much differently than the former wife. Still, this was a time for potential conflict.
I recently read an article where a former wife took over the viewing of the deceased, with display boards with a great quantity of photos of herself and the deceased former husband giving a false impression that she was the widow of the deceased, substantially offending the second wife who had a short-term marriage to the deceased husband. How should such situations be handled? Delicately, of course; however, my advice would be that divorce terminates the rights of the former spouse who should not be allowed to usurp the proceedings. The first wife should only act with the permission of, and the good graces of the subsequent spouse.
If Animosity Preexisted Death, Then Preparations Should Be Made
Everyone knows someone who strongly dislikes someone else in the family. If folks do not get along during times of calm, how can anyone expect these same persons to get along during times of high stress with inherent potential for volatile emotions. There are some events in life that pull families to the same locations, e.g., weddings, hospitals and funerals. Adequate security should always be in place for private or public events. The key word is "adequate" and the need will vary depending on the risks inherent in the situation.
The Responsibility Of The Living
If you love your family, I believe the living have responsibility to make preparations to communicate the potential conflict to the funeral home. Likewise, funeral personnel must ask the hard questions as a matter of practice.
If the funeral home can produce written instructions, from the deceased, that clearly identify the potential problems with written pre-need instructions potential conflict can be identified and reduced.
Invitations and Disinvitations
It may be necessary to disinvite certain individuals from private or public events. Fortunately, laws are being enacted that tighten control for public events.
If someone has a high propensity for violence, I see nothing wrong with placing restrictions on that person, either through a disinvitation that would bar the person from private or public events.
No one should be allowed to disrupt the peace at funeral proceedings either by loud, unruly talk, threats, or assaultive conduct. Anyone barred from private or public proceedings can be arrested should they attempt to trespass onto private property.
Security:
I see nothing wrong with hiring security personnel for funeral proceedings. Uniformed police can be visible or close by ready for intervention. Non-uniformed security can patrol or even stand close to potential victims, or potential aggressors, to provide protection for anyone who might be the victim of violence.
If there are family members with a history of violence, then those individuals may need to be banned. Likewise, less apparent threats may require separation of visitors through limiting access, view at specific times, or even privately searching potential threats. In this day and age of easy access to firearms, and violence, it may even be necessary to use metal detectors to prevent the carrying of concealed weapons.
The Standard Is Foreseeability
The standard should be foreseeability. If violence is foreseeable, then precautions must be taken.
If there is an argument inside the funeral home, then it is foreseeable that a participant, or even a family member, may go to their vehicle, retrieve a weapon, and seek revenge on other participants or families of those involved in the conflict. Everyone deserves to live in a safe environment.
The Potential For Violence Always Exists
It is my view that there is always potential for violence and the funeral director should take affirmative steps to inquire in advance of potential opportunities for conflict. It is a cliche to say "an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure," however, it is also true.
Burton Fletcher
www.USAMonuments.com
Burton@USAMonuments.com
Violence At The Funeral Home or The Funeral
Two of my cousins engaged in a fight at the funeral home when their father died. Naturally, emotions run high at the time of death of a close member of the family and previous animosities may or may not be pushed into the background as individuals jockey for influence and decision making in the burial proceedings.
Some folks are mentally ill, others are violent, while others harbor strong animous over real or imagined offenses. Everyone is a potential victim of someone seeking to do harm to others. Everyone knows someone who is a ticking timebomb of sorts.
If There Is A Potential For Violence, Precautions Should Be Taken
One thing is for certain, if there is a potential for conflict, funeral home management and the police should be forewarned and proper preparations should be in place. It should also be clear in advance as to who the decision makers will be in the burial rituals.
Conflict After Remarriage
My mother remarried after my father died. Her new husband's ex-wife approached my mother at a funeral the one time they met, introduced herself, and then boldly asserted to my mother and her husband that she (the first wife) was the first and best wife my mother's husband would ever have. Apparently, my mother and her husband see the world much differently than the former wife. Still, this was a time for potential conflict.
I recently read an article where a former wife took over the viewing of the deceased, with display boards with a great quantity of photos of herself and the deceased former husband giving a false impression that she was the widow of the deceased, substantially offending the second wife who had a short-term marriage to the deceased husband. How should such situations be handled? Delicately, of course; however, my advice would be that divorce terminates the rights of the former spouse who should not be allowed to usurp the proceedings. The first wife should only act with the permission of, and the good graces of the subsequent spouse.
If Animosity Preexisted Death, Then Preparations Should Be Made
Everyone knows someone who strongly dislikes someone else in the family. If folks do not get along during times of calm, how can anyone expect these same persons to get along during times of high stress with inherent potential for volatile emotions. There are some events in life that pull families to the same locations, e.g., weddings, hospitals and funerals. Adequate security should always be in place for private or public events. The key word is "adequate" and the need will vary depending on the risks inherent in the situation.
The Responsibility Of The Living
If you love your family, I believe the living have responsibility to make preparations to communicate the potential conflict to the funeral home. Likewise, funeral personnel must ask the hard questions as a matter of practice.
If the funeral home can produce written instructions, from the deceased, that clearly identify the potential problems with written pre-need instructions potential conflict can be identified and reduced.
Invitations and Disinvitations
It may be necessary to disinvite certain individuals from private or public events. Fortunately, laws are being enacted that tighten control for public events.
If someone has a high propensity for violence, I see nothing wrong with placing restrictions on that person, either through a disinvitation that would bar the person from private or public events.
No one should be allowed to disrupt the peace at funeral proceedings either by loud, unruly talk, threats, or assaultive conduct. Anyone barred from private or public proceedings can be arrested should they attempt to trespass onto private property.
Security:
I see nothing wrong with hiring security personnel for funeral proceedings. Uniformed police can be visible or close by ready for intervention. Non-uniformed security can patrol or even stand close to potential victims, or potential aggressors, to provide protection for anyone who might be the victim of violence.
If there are family members with a history of violence, then those individuals may need to be banned. Likewise, less apparent threats may require separation of visitors through limiting access, view at specific times, or even privately searching potential threats. In this day and age of easy access to firearms, and violence, it may even be necessary to use metal detectors to prevent the carrying of concealed weapons.
The Standard Is Foreseeability
The standard should be foreseeability. If violence is foreseeable, then precautions must be taken.
If there is an argument inside the funeral home, then it is foreseeable that a participant, or even a family member, may go to their vehicle, retrieve a weapon, and seek revenge on other participants or families of those involved in the conflict. Everyone deserves to live in a safe environment.
The Potential For Violence Always Exists
It is my view that there is always potential for violence and the funeral director should take affirmative steps to inquire in advance of potential opportunities for conflict. It is a cliche to say "an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure," however, it is also true.
Burton Fletcher
www.USAMonuments.com
Burton@USAMonuments.com
