Who Will Write Your Legacy Obituary?

I start this column with the question, "Who will write your obituary?"

If you have lived a noteworthy life, you may be fortunate enough that television, magazines, radio and newspapers will publish the news of your passing with commentary and articles mourning your passing. For most of us, our passing will be only be noted in the obituary we write, provide to the funeral home, and we pay for inclusion in the obituary section of our local newspaper.

If you have lived a meaningful life, one that you are proud of, and one that should inspire your relatives and descendants, perhaps you should give serious consideration to writing your own obituary. Without a permanent record, details of your life will be lost to future generations.

When I was a boy, my older cousin, Thomas Lee "Tommy" Harper lived with our family for two years. After he moved away, we saw each other only occasionally.

Years later, Tommy died as a result of suicide. I have heard bits and pieces of the alleged facts, but the picture as a whole is unknown to me.

Last year, I visited Jacksonville, Florida for the purpose of photographing cemetery monuments and with the goal of visiting Tommy's grave and the graves of other relatives. With advance research and planning, I was able to locate Tommy's grave.

As the photo shows, it is a simple bronze marker. During the time that Tommy and I lost touch with each other, he had, apparently, served in the U.S. Army. Wow! This detail surprised me.

A clue to Tommy's life I thought! Unfortunately, other than the single clue, "U.S. Army" there is nothing else about Tommy's service in the military of our great country. How long did he serve? What training did he receive? Where was he stationed? Did he serve in Vietnam? What was his rank when he was discharged? Did he earn any medals? I wish a lot more clues had been left for the genealogist in the family.

How many details regarding your life will you leave for your ancestors? Will yours be a life with no more details than those left on your tombstone, or will you have a meaningful legacy obituary that summarizes the meaningful highlights of your life?

Think about it, but do much more than just thinking; how about taking action now, by making your end-of-life plans with your funeral home.

Write your legacy obituary and give detailed written instructions to your family and to the funeral home regarding your wishes. If you love your family, you should not add to the stressful burden your loss will bring, so be considerate and demonstrate your love for others and take action now. After all, it is the right thing to do.

Burton Fletcher
www.USAMonuments.com
Burton@USAMonuments.com

Genealogy--It's Not Just A Hobby, It's An Adventure!

I read the following tidbit message in an email today: "Genealogy--it's not just a hobby, it's an adventure!"

Think about those words for a moment.

"Genealogy--it's not just a hobby, it's an adventure!"

Yes, genealogy is an adventure! From personal experience, I can tell you that genealogy is very much an exciting pilgrimage to discover our heritage. I can credit, or blame, genealogy for serving as the stimulus to my entry into the monument industry as a memorialist. After traipsing through numerous cemeteries, I formed the opinion that I could improve memorialization, and I have for many families.

Sure, I enjoy setting a goal for myself to locate, visit and photograph the graves of my ancestors. The quest is an enjoyable experience to me. The opportunity to visit locations I would never visit, but for the challenge and adventure of the hunt, adds enjoyment to my life. Yes, genealogy is a rewarding experience.

One of the unfortunate aspects of monument building is the lack of effective story being perpetuated by the death-care industry.

Symbols, alone, will never tell a complete story and are often misinterpreted by those not versed in the study of symbols. The meaning of symbols changes or is forgotten over time. When well written, words are much more likely to communicate effectively generations from now.

Short obituaries, written by the grieving family, and often purposely short to save money in newspaper advertising fees, deny future generations important details, and clues, on the life of an individual. If you have ever had the privilege to read old obituaries, you can appreciate the deficiencies in modern obituaries that are often sanitized to hide the details of an individual's life story.

Likewise, most monuments have few details on the life of the deceased individual. Our Family History Plaques (SM) are a terrific and very economical resource for future generations and they present a treasure trove of information into perpetuity. See, http://www.valdostamemorials.com/LifeHistoryPlaques.asp.

Everyone has a story, but too many of those stories die with the individual and are a heritage lost. Instead of a gold mine, too many relatives discovery only a barren shaft in their search of their family tree.

Preserve your own family history and leave a legacy for the living and those unborn ancestors who will follow us decades and centuries from now. After all, it is the right thing to do!

Burton Fletcher
www.USAMonuments.com
Burton@USAMonuments.com

Is Your Monument Builder Truly Creative?

I ask the question, "Is your monument builder truly creative?" because I believe a lot of monument companies are not. Obviously, some are very creative, but too many are luke warm sellers.

I read a comment from Bill Bates concerning the funeral industry that I have modified to apply to the monument industry.

"So many [monument companies] are afraid to risk rejection or to look foolish that they stifle their creativity. In so doing they sell out for a luke warm career when their work in [monument] service could be exciting. They miss making as healing, dynamic and creative contributions to others that they could. If I can say any one thing to the young people in [the monument industry] it would be, “your creativity is yours, it is inside of you and no one else. If you don’t connect with it and offer it, every one loses.”

Bill is right about his opinions of the funeral industry and I am right about my opinions regarding the monument industry.

Well constructed monuments facilitate healing, and family pride, but too many monuments are "me too" boring products that offer very little to memorialization.

Use your creativity and passion to educate clients on the possibilities for the creation of legacy memorials.

No one should enter a field seeking "a luke warm career." You owe your clients your imagination.

Burton Fletcher
www.USAMonuments.com
Burton@USAMonuments.com

Are Internet-Based Monument Companies Naturally More Creative?

As reflected in the title to this article, I pose my question as it reflects a discussion that needs to be had within the death-care industry relating to creativity. I have long argued that the monument industry has not been creative enough, preferring instead to earn a quick buck at the expense of creating a legacy memorial for their clients. This lack of creativity has filled cemeteries with “me-too” monuments that are boring and unattractive.

Bill Bates, the President of a death-care industry training program for funeral homes sent me an email titled, “On Becoming Creative.” Bill is a leader in creativity in the death-care industry so his words should receive rapt attention.

“Words can be powerful; especially the words that make up loving eulogies and the ones we use to honor others, yet words are but symbols of symbols, thus twice removed from truly effective communication. If words only, form the bases of funeral ceremonies, which they have in the American funeral, they of their nature must fail to fully capture the essence of an individual beyond the material facts and figures of his or her life. The fact that an individual graduated from college, had a dynamic and successful career, was married, a father and grandfather and retired says little about his heart, his victories and defeats, his courage in the face of adversity.”

“The ability to creatively demonstrate each individual’s accomplishments, religious, spiritual or philosophically perspectives and relationships form the basis or foundation of good funerals. They give meaning to the word personalization or interactive funeral ceremony.”

“Creative ceremonies go beyond the use of words to tell a story and communicate the meaning of a life. Some level of creativity is required to symbolize such things as goodness, integrity, love, kindness, tenacity, courage and all of the stuff we value about being human that lies beneath the activity of a life. A picture truly becomes worth a 1000 words when we can show the beauty in loving relationships through participation or when we can creatively demonstrate the characteristics that others loved in the deceased. Our ability to paint the picture energizes the experience and moves family and friends, impacting their perception of value in the experience.”

Bill gets it! He understands something very important that a lot of funeral homes and monument companies have failed to understand and express through their work. As a whole, the monument industry has not been as creative as it could or should have been as many folks entered the industry as mediocre tradesmen, lacking in big-picture creativity or communication skills to truly educate the consumer.

Thanks to online retailers, such as http://www.usamonuments.com/, traditional monument companies are crawling slowly toward the Internet scene as consumers are demanding the shop-from-home convenience and creativity that the Internet-based memorialist offers.

If a company is creative on the Internet, then they are more likely to be creative in memorializing a loved one’s legacy.

If you want to purchase a mediocre monument, it really doesn’t matter as much where you purchase, and price alone may be the primary focus of your commodity purchase.

However, if you want an heirloom memorial, look at the creativity of the memorialist and you are more likely to achieve something special in memorilizing yourself through a preneed purchase, or in memorializing a loved one.

Remember, Bill gets it! I hope you do too!


Burton Fletcher
http://www.usamonuments.com/
Burton@USAMonuments.com

Online Marketing Has Changed The Monument Business For The Better!

Our company has both a local and an online presence serving a local, national and international clientele. Like the progressive company we are, we chose to have a powerful online presence; however, with that said, our online presence is significantly stronger than most monument companies in the U.S. market. See www.USAMonuments.com a/k/a www.BigBeautifulMonuments.com and form your own opinion.

I read a fellow online who I will call Mr. Granite Chips wrote, “I know many common commodity items are routinely purchased over the internet with great convenience. However, is it really wise for consumers to purchase custom crafted products such as granite memorials via the internet? We as memorialists all know too well that granite monuments can and usually do vary greatly in quality, craftsmanship, shape carving, deep roses, etching, sandblast, hand carving, lettering just to name several as well as grade of granite being used perhaps more than any other product in the marketplace?”

Mr. Chips, makes his points as best he can; however, I think it is also clear that he does not have a significant online presence. If he did, he would know that companies that sell online offer greater variety, shop-from-home convenience and excellent craftsmanship, often far superior to the local marketplace, and without high pressure sales during the grieving process.

Another monument dealer who I will call Mr. Yankee Stonecrafter wrote in reply to Mr. Chips, “I as recently as yesterday was directed to a website by a customer who saw something that gave them some ideas for a family monument. They were using the internet for reference, but not to purchase. The customers volunteered that they would not buy a monument over the internet because as they say “seeing is believing.” There are always going to be people who will buy anything and everything on the net, just as there were people before the net existed who didn't care about craftsmanship or quality, only price. "

Mr. Yankee could also have said that there are always going to be folks who purchase locally without paying adequate attention to the wide selection offered over the Internet. Internet designs are seen and these same designs are not offered in the displays of most brick-and-mortar companies. If you want unique, you should shop online. If you want a traditional commodity purchase, then you may still want to shop online for the savings we can offer.

Mr. Yankee continued, writing, "The internet has only made it easier for those types of customers to shop. I think it may help some of us who do care about quality and craftsmanship in the long run by helping to choke out the dealers have no business representing our craft. The internet is great reference tool, the best. However I believe that is where it ends. Or course there is the porno and that's a big plus.”

I won't comment on Mr. Yankee's admitted Internet viewing habits; however, I appreciate his admission that the Internet has made it easier for consumers to shop. Anyone who invests in the technology of the Internet is likely to offer superior creativity and construction of truly unique designs.

I took editorial license to edit the words of these two monument builders. I do not consider myself to be in competition with their companies as I am a unique memorialist more than a monument builder and I suspect they serve only a limited geographic market.

Also, I seek to avoid the commodities market in which so many monument companies market themselves. Instead, we seek a market niche of often upscale, unique, and one-of-a-kind designs.

In addition, I frequently receive calls from prospective clients who advise me that the local monument company representative was impolite, ill informed, offered a limited selection, or offered a price that was significantly higher than the price offered by my company. I also frequently take business from competitors who dominate the Internet with their online presence.

There are all types of prospective and actual clients, just as there are a wide variety of business people in this world. There is plenty of business to go around! Clients can view our offerings to instantly see that we are conscientious, offer creativity and high-quality products. My advice to anyone knew to the monument industry is to carve your niche and you will succeed, regardless of your business platform.

Too many of our competitors have a small sampling of me-too monuments that perpetuates the status quo in the marketplace. Cemeteries are filled with what I call Cliche Monuments with the same color and the same serpentine top with little, if any, imagination or story telling.

I suspect the home-town monument builder has been helped more than hurt by the online reseller as there were a lot of very poor and boring designs as well as inferior workmanship before the online retailers educated consumers on the wide assortment of options available. We offer more than mere shop-from-home convenience, but also great prices with some of the finest workmanship to be found anywhere.

We are proud to create unique memorial products and we prefer to leave the focus on commodity sales to others. Our clients are often discriminating, high-end purchasers and they will continue to be our primary market niche in the future.

I got into this business to shape opinions and change market practices as I saw significant deficiencies in memorialization that I sought to change. As one of the most published memorialists in the United States, I am proud of our positive impact in the marketplace.

As with so many other industries, online marketing has forced brick-and-mortar businesses to modify their business practices to satisfy a consumer who is often demanding and fickle. Those monument companies that refuse to adapt will die off, for they perpetuate the past more than shape the future.


Burton Fletcher
http://www.usamonuments.com/
Burton@USAMonuments.com

Copyright 2006. All Rights Reserved.

Setting A Location For A Funeral Or Memorial Service

A fitting location for a funeral or memorial service is important to establishing the right mood for the celebration intended to honor the life of the deceased as well as to show our respects to the living. Every end-of-life plan should consider the attitudes, personality and lifestyle of the departed and the intended invitees at the celebration. For those such as myself who are not wealthy, except in spirit, we should also consider the costs associated with the venue.

After many years of high-powered, intense, beat-my-head-against-the-wall living, I now live my life in a much more informal and relaxed manner. Consequently, I personally prefer the thought of a memorial service in a private residence, fraternal organization, community building or a park.

I want nothing to do with a funeral home setting after my departure. The funeral director will be in charge of publishing my obituary in accord with my instructions, providing death certificates, et cetera, but the range of services used will be narrow compared to the services offered.

I respect funeral directors and the important services they provide, and I will use their services for removal of my body from my place of death to the crematory; however, I do not want their involvement in the funeral service itself.

A beautiful park environment would be a joyful place for an end of life celebration. I do not have enough friends who would want to attend a large memorial service, and my friends and family would be more comfortable in a relaxed, informal setting. Personally, unless I consider someone to be a friend or close acquaintance, their attendance at my memorial service is not required.

For those who live a more formal lifestyle, a church, synagogue, mosque, temple or other place of worship would be an ideal place for a public gathering. For the famous, a large amphitheater is an option for those who are society's version of aristrocrats and nobility.

Setting a location for a funeral or memorial service should always take into account the wishes of the decedent, his or her lifestyle, and the comfort of those who will be attending.

Burton Fletcher
www.USAMonuments.com
Burton@USAMonuments.com

Copyright, 2006. All Rights Reserved.

Georgia Bureau of Investigation Project

We created a beautiful bronze memorial for the Georgia Bureau of Investigation. The accolades have been numerous and the following epitomizes the efforts invested in projects.

"Ya'll did an excellent job...we have been looking at it all day. We had our office Christmas party today and personnel from the district attorneys office and the drug task force for our area were here admiring the plaque.

I never dreamed it would look so good. And the picture looks just like Glen... Thanks for all of your hard work...I know we are a pain to work with...Thanks again."

Actually, the GBI were delightful clients and very enjoyable. It is inspiring to receive the accolades from our clients. Every company should strive for excellence!

In the near future, we will post a photo of this beautiful bronze memorial dedication plaque on our website. Please view www.ValdostaMemorials.com at http://www.valdostamemorials.com/monuments/Copyrighted/CopyrightDesigns.asp.

Burton Fletcher
www.USAMonuments.com
Burton@USAMonuments.com

Who Will Write Your Final Cut?

I was watching “The Final Cut,” a science fiction drama starring Robin Williams, Mira Sorvino and James Caviezel. As a memorialist, I particularly enjoyed this film.

First-time filmmaker Omar Naim writes and directs the science fiction drama The Final Cut. The movie is set in the near future. The story concerns a microchip that is capable of recording a person's entire life. Robin Williams plays Alan Hakman, an editor who cuts together the footage to make pleasant movies for funerals.

The film has a theme that 1 in 20 people have memory chips and Williams’ character, known as “a cutter,” assembles categories of memory, e.g., family, career, community, et cetera. At the end of people’s lives, the editor assembles the best of the life stories, careful to delete footage that reflects the sins of mortal men and women.

For most of us, a diary or journal is as close to a memory chip as we will ever have. We can be honest to the degree that our characters will allow, and we can be as complete or incomplete as we desire.

Everyone has a story and, for most people, their story will die with them, except as preserved in the memories of others or through a memorial or family history. Our memories are encrypted in the minds of others and this data can be reached through personal interviews, perhaps using the Family History Questionnaire.
I am a big proponent of our Family History Questionnaire, http://www.valdostamemorials.com/family_history_questionnaire.htm to interview relatives before they pass away.

I am also a strong advocate for the use of Life History Plaques (SM) to memorialize our lives and the lives of others as part of the cemetery monument. See, http://www.valdostamemorials.com/LifeHistoryPlaques.asp.

One line in the film states word to the effect that “it is for the greater good that your life mean something.” That is a thought that everyone should reflect upon.

If you want your life to mean something, and everyone should aspire to leave the world better because of their actions, then the Family History Questionnaire and the Life History Plaques (SM) are excellent starting points for documenting your family history.

Preserve your family history; after all, centuries from now, the only knowledge of your family may be what you, yourself, preserve. Just do it, and do it now; after all, it is the right thing to do. Besides, this may be your only opportunity to do your own final cut!

Oh, “the Final Cut” is a fine movie for anyone, but especially enjoyable for anyone in the death-care industry.

Burton Fletcher
www.USAMonuments.com
Burton@USAMonuments.com
Copyright, 2006. All Rights Reserved.

Random Thoughts On The Loss Of Our Pet Friends/Rainbow Bridge

I'm a softie when it comes to animals. I can't help it, but I'm a pet person through and through. How about you?

I love my pets so much that I built a memorial to honor our pets and the memorial is in the Fletcher Family Memorial Plots at McAlpin, Florida.

The following poem is touching and I hope it gives comfort to some of my readers. I hope that all of us will have an opportunity to cross the Rainbow Bridge with our beloved pet friends.

Burton Fletcher
www.USAMonuments.com
Burton@USAMonuments.com

Rainbow Bridge

Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge. When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge. There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together. There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.

All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor. Those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by. The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing: they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.

They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent. His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.

You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.

Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together…

Author unknown

Are You Interested In Becoming A Funeral Director?

Have you ever thought about becoming a funeral director?

If I were chosing a career again, I might consider this profession as I am a caring sort who enjoys working with people. If you have a son or daughter who is undecided about a career path, the following URL may be a good starting point to stimulate a discussion. http://www.bls.gov/oco/ocos011.htm

The site indicates that the traits necessary to succeed as a funeral director are:

"Important personal traits for funeral directors are composure, tact, and the ability to communicate easily with the public. Funeral directors also should have the desire and ability to comfort people in a time of sorrow." These are important personal traits for all of us to aspire. These same traits are useful in the monument business.

Burton Fletcher
www.USAMonuments.com
Burton@USAMonuments.com

Conflict And The Potential For Violence During Burial Rituals

Today, I received an email that stimulated my thoughts on the potential for conflict among family members, and others, during burial rituals, from last rites, through a viewing in a funeral home to funerals.

Violence At The Funeral Home or The Funeral

Two of my cousins engaged in a fight at the funeral home when their father died. Naturally, emotions run high at the time of death of a close member of the family and previous animosities may or may not be pushed into the background as individuals jockey for influence and decision making in the burial proceedings.

Some folks are mentally ill, others are violent, while others harbor strong animous over real or imagined offenses. Everyone is a potential victim of someone seeking to do harm to others. Everyone knows someone who is a ticking timebomb of sorts.

If There Is A Potential For Violence, Precautions Should Be Taken

One thing is for certain, if there is a potential for conflict, funeral home management and the police should be forewarned and proper preparations should be in place. It should also be clear in advance as to who the decision makers will be in the burial rituals.

Conflict After Remarriage

My mother remarried after my father died. Her new husband's ex-wife approached my mother at a funeral the one time they met, introduced herself, and then boldly asserted to my mother and her husband that she (the first wife) was the first and best wife my mother's husband would ever have. Apparently, my mother and her husband see the world much differently than the former wife. Still, this was a time for potential conflict.

I recently read an article where a former wife took over the viewing of the deceased, with display boards with a great quantity of photos of herself and the deceased former husband giving a false impression that she was the widow of the deceased, substantially offending the second wife who had a short-term marriage to the deceased husband. How should such situations be handled? Delicately, of course; however, my advice would be that divorce terminates the rights of the former spouse who should not be allowed to usurp the proceedings. The first wife should only act with the permission of, and the good graces of the subsequent spouse.

If Animosity Preexisted Death, Then Preparations Should Be Made

Everyone knows someone who strongly dislikes someone else in the family. If folks do not get along during times of calm, how can anyone expect these same persons to get along during times of high stress with inherent potential for volatile emotions. There are some events in life that pull families to the same locations, e.g., weddings, hospitals and funerals. Adequate security should always be in place for private or public events. The key word is "adequate" and the need will vary depending on the risks inherent in the situation.

The Responsibility Of The Living

If you love your family, I believe the living have responsibility to make preparations to communicate the potential conflict to the funeral home. Likewise, funeral personnel must ask the hard questions as a matter of practice.

If the funeral home can produce written instructions, from the deceased, that clearly identify the potential problems with written pre-need instructions potential conflict can be identified and reduced.

Invitations and Disinvitations

It may be necessary to disinvite certain individuals from private or public events. Fortunately, laws are being enacted that tighten control for public events.

If someone has a high propensity for violence, I see nothing wrong with placing restrictions on that person, either through a disinvitation that would bar the person from private or public events.

No one should be allowed to disrupt the peace at funeral proceedings either by loud, unruly talk, threats, or assaultive conduct. Anyone barred from private or public proceedings can be arrested should they attempt to trespass onto private property.

Security:

I see nothing wrong with hiring security personnel for funeral proceedings. Uniformed police can be visible or close by ready for intervention. Non-uniformed security can patrol or even stand close to potential victims, or potential aggressors, to provide protection for anyone who might be the victim of violence.

If there are family members with a history of violence, then those individuals may need to be banned. Likewise, less apparent threats may require separation of visitors through limiting access, view at specific times, or even privately searching potential threats. In this day and age of easy access to firearms, and violence, it may even be necessary to use metal detectors to prevent the carrying of concealed weapons.

The Standard Is Foreseeability

The standard should be foreseeability. If violence is foreseeable, then precautions must be taken.

If there is an argument inside the funeral home, then it is foreseeable that a participant, or even a family member, may go to their vehicle, retrieve a weapon, and seek revenge on other participants or families of those involved in the conflict. Everyone deserves to live in a safe environment.

The Potential For Violence Always Exists

It is my view that there is always potential for violence and the funeral director should take affirmative steps to inquire in advance of potential opportunities for conflict. It is a cliche to say "an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure," however, it is also true.

Burton Fletcher
www.USAMonuments.com
Burton@USAMonuments.com

End Of Life Plans: Viewing Or Non-Viewing Of The Deceased's Body

Recently, I attended the preburial viewing for a gentleman whom I grew up with in a small Northcentral Florida farm community.

Upon arrival at the funeral home, I signed in, looked around for the family whom I know, but did not immediately see, and I then proceeded to walk down the aisle to view the body. "Gee, he looks old," I thought, as I viewed the cancer-ravaged body of a man who was slightly younger than myself.

The viewing of my body is one ritual that I do not want any part of when I die. I do not want anyone looking at my body in a casket, scrutinizing my body, face, hair, fingernails, neatness of my facial hair, or whatever else it is that folks notice about persons who are dead.

I would not want that scrutiny why I am alive and I certainly do not want that scrutiny after my death. Please remember me as I was during my life.

I recall viewing the body of a former roommate in California who had been the assistant manager for a Bob's Big Boy. Sadly, he was murdered by robbers. As his body lay in the casket, I saw blood beneath his fingernails! Surely the mortician could have cleaned his fingernails!

As a boy, I recall the ritual of attending a "wake" for my grandfather, Burton Eugene Fletcher. His casket was in the living room of the family home and folks were eating in the same room during his last night on this earth.

We did the same for my Great Uncle Burton Mobley, the brother of Ethel Mobley Fletcher, my grandmother, though he had committed suicide some 9 months or so before his body was delivered to the family. Fortunately, a detective had taken the effort to track down Uncle Burt's family before his body was disposed of as abandoned or perhaps buried in a pauper's grave.

Thankfully, the ritual of the wake seems to have passed away for many folk. I hope the ritual of viewing the body will also pass away. If you tell me someone died, I am going to believe you. I do not need to see the body to believe you!

I often hear comments about the appearance of the dead like, "he looked so natural," or "he did not look good," et cetera. In essence, the mortician can do a good or a bad job with the appearance of the deceased. The art of the mortician is a talent to be admired, but it is also an effort that I would argue should be less common.

I recall watching a rerun of "Six Feet Under," an HBO program that I loved for its wacky look at the funeral-home business, with a segment in which Lucy was secretly taking photos for an art project. Lucy took beautiful photos of the deceased patrons as they lay in repose in the caskets at the family funeral home.

I have made it very, very clear to my family that I want to be cremated upon death, and I do not want a public viewing of my body. If I die in the hospital, I want my immediate family to have a brief opportunity to view my body in its natural state--without makeup. Then, I want my body taken directly to the crematory for processing. Period.

A memorial service is optional and I can forego that ritual as well. I have my urn and my monument and I have given clear instructions as to my end-of-life wishes. Do you hear me family?

Now, I certaily respect the wishes of others who desire to have a funeral or a memorial service, with or without a cremation or traditional burial; however, I hope my own views should be respected--and followed.

The death ritual should fulfill my wishes and whatever your own thoughts, shouldn't I have the ultimate say? I am of sound mind and I have made my wishes abundantly clear, so dear family, please honor me by following MY wishes.

Dearest family, please remember that I do not want a viewing of my remains in a church, funeral home or graveside service. Instead, should you desire to hold a memorial service, I suggest that you use a large oil painting that portrays my life some 15 years or so ago. That will be enough.

Also, please remember that I have already written my obituary and you will find copies in print and MS Word and .rtf formats on a disc in my file at the funeral home. I have shown my love for my family by planning the necessary activities that conclude my life. I love you dear family, now please honor my wishes.

Burton Fletcher
www.USAMonuments.com
Burton@USAMonuments.com