Our company has both a local and an online presence serving a local, national and international clientele. Like the progressive company we are, we chose to have a powerful online presence; however, with that said, our online presence is significantly stronger than most monument companies in the U.S. market. See www.USAMonuments.com a/k/a www.BigBeautifulMonuments.com and form your own opinion.
I read a fellow online who I will call Mr. Granite Chips wrote, “I know many common commodity items are routinely purchased over the internet with great convenience. However, is it really wise for consumers to purchase custom crafted products such as granite memorials via the internet? We as memorialists all know too well that granite monuments can and usually do vary greatly in quality, craftsmanship, shape carving, deep roses, etching, sandblast, hand carving, lettering just to name several as well as grade of granite being used perhaps more than any other product in the marketplace?”
Mr. Chips, makes his points as best he can; however, I think it is also clear that he does not have a significant online presence. If he did, he would know that companies that sell online offer greater variety, shop-from-home convenience and excellent craftsmanship, often far superior to the local marketplace, and without high pressure sales during the grieving process.
Another monument dealer who I will call Mr. Yankee Stonecrafter wrote in reply to Mr. Chips, “I as recently as yesterday was directed to a website by a customer who saw something that gave them some ideas for a family monument. They were using the internet for reference, but not to purchase. The customers volunteered that they would not buy a monument over the internet because as they say “seeing is believing.” There are always going to be people who will buy anything and everything on the net, just as there were people before the net existed who didn't care about craftsmanship or quality, only price. "
Mr. Yankee could also have said that there are always going to be folks who purchase locally without paying adequate attention to the wide selection offered over the Internet. Internet designs are seen and these same designs are not offered in the displays of most brick-and-mortar companies. If you want unique, you should shop online. If you want a traditional commodity purchase, then you may still want to shop online for the savings we can offer.
Mr. Yankee continued, writing, "The internet has only made it easier for those types of customers to shop. I think it may help some of us who do care about quality and craftsmanship in the long run by helping to choke out the dealers have no business representing our craft. The internet is great reference tool, the best. However I believe that is where it ends. Or course there is the porno and that's a big plus.”
I won't comment on Mr. Yankee's admitted Internet viewing habits; however, I appreciate his admission that the Internet has made it easier for consumers to shop. Anyone who invests in the technology of the Internet is likely to offer superior creativity and construction of truly unique designs.
I took editorial license to edit the words of these two monument builders. I do not consider myself to be in competition with their companies as I am a unique memorialist more than a monument builder and I suspect they serve only a limited geographic market.
Also, I seek to avoid the commodities market in which so many monument companies market themselves. Instead, we seek a market niche of often upscale, unique, and one-of-a-kind designs.
In addition, I frequently receive calls from prospective clients who advise me that the local monument company representative was impolite, ill informed, offered a limited selection, or offered a price that was significantly higher than the price offered by my company. I also frequently take business from competitors who dominate the Internet with their online presence.
There are all types of prospective and actual clients, just as there are a wide variety of business people in this world. There is plenty of business to go around! Clients can view our offerings to instantly see that we are conscientious, offer creativity and high-quality products. My advice to anyone knew to the monument industry is to carve your niche and you will succeed, regardless of your business platform.
Too many of our competitors have a small sampling of me-too monuments that perpetuates the status quo in the marketplace. Cemeteries are filled with what I call Cliche Monuments with the same color and the same serpentine top with little, if any, imagination or story telling.
I suspect the home-town monument builder has been helped more than hurt by the online reseller as there were a lot of very poor and boring designs as well as inferior workmanship before the online retailers educated consumers on the wide assortment of options available. We offer more than mere shop-from-home convenience, but also great prices with some of the finest workmanship to be found anywhere.
We are proud to create unique memorial products and we prefer to leave the focus on commodity sales to others. Our clients are often discriminating, high-end purchasers and they will continue to be our primary market niche in the future.
I got into this business to shape opinions and change market practices as I saw significant deficiencies in memorialization that I sought to change. As one of the most published memorialists in the United States, I am proud of our positive impact in the marketplace.
As with so many other industries, online marketing has forced brick-and-mortar businesses to modify their business practices to satisfy a consumer who is often demanding and fickle. Those monument companies that refuse to adapt will die off, for they perpetuate the past more than shape the future.
Burton Fletcher
http://www.usamonuments.com/
Burton@USAMonuments.com
Copyright 2006. All Rights Reserved.
Sunday, December 31, 2006
Are You A Fool Who Doesn't Know It?
How you respond to the title question, "Are You A Fool Who Doesn't Know It?" may be more indicative of your status as a fool than any other question I might pose to you.
Most of us are fools from time to time. I suspect it is very rare for any person to not be a fool occasionally. That is a lofty standard that I have been unable to achieve throughout my life.
Normally, I act in a manner that is probably regarded by most of the world as anything but foolish, but all of us have elements within our personalities that opens us to foolish behaviors.
When the scales are balanced, I believe most of my actions would be considered as well-considered, and anything but foolish. I will allow my enemies to provide the counterpoints, but by doing so, they demonstrate to me that they are fools themselves.
Like most words, there are different meanings for the word “fool.” Wisely, I consulted the American Heritage Dictionary, which defines a fool as a person who is regarded as deficient in judgment, sense, or understanding. Does this sound familiar?
The fool may act unwisely on a given occasion, perhaps by refusing to acept a job, or by being tricked or made to appear ridiculous; a dupe.
From time to time in my life, I have been fooled, as I was deceived or tricked by others, and sometimes I was confounded. I have fooled around with good and sometimes not so good humor. Often, I have behaved comically.
Typically, I think I am not a fool, as many have expressed that I am a person regarded as anything but deficient in judgment, sense or understanding. And, usually, I act wisely.
On occasion, I have been tricked or made to appear ridiculous, but, typically, I am no person's fool. I may sometimes be a fool voluntarily too. Life is that way. More of us are fools or have acted foolish than those of us who are willing to admit it.
There are many terms to describe a fool, and far too many for me to even begin to identify them all in this column. Some synonyms found in my dictionary that I like a bit more than others are ignoramus, dimwit, numskull, dunce, bonehead, turkey, and narrow mind. Still, others I like are knucklehead, dingbat, nitwit, and chump. If you have ever been called any of these words, then someone was calling you a fool.
I conclude with a few quotes an internet pal shared with me today. Think about the wisdom expressed within these quotes for more than a moment, and reflect on the question: "Are you a fool who doesn't know it?"
Strange Quotes about "Fools"
Get the fools on your side and you can be elected to anything. - Frank Dane
A man who cannot reason is a fool, a man who will not reason is a bigot, and a man who dare not reason is a slave. - William Drummond
If a million people believe a foolish thing, it is still a foolish thing. - Anatole France
The heart of a fool is in his mouth, but the mouth of a wise man is in his heart. - Benjamin Franklin
Fools' names, like fools' faces, Are often seen in public places. - Thomas Fuller
Zeal is fit only for wise men, but is found mostly in fools. - Thomas Fuller
A wise man gets more use from his enemies than a fool from his friends. - Baltasar Gracian
There are more fools in the world than there are people. - Heinrich Heine
We must learn to live together as brothers or perish together as fools. - Martin Luther King, Jr.
The silliest woman can manage a clever man; but it needs a very clever woman to manage a fool. - Rudyard Kipling "Plain Tales from the Hills"
Burton Fletcher
www.USAMonuments.com
Burton@USAMonuments.com
Most of us are fools from time to time. I suspect it is very rare for any person to not be a fool occasionally. That is a lofty standard that I have been unable to achieve throughout my life.
Normally, I act in a manner that is probably regarded by most of the world as anything but foolish, but all of us have elements within our personalities that opens us to foolish behaviors.
When the scales are balanced, I believe most of my actions would be considered as well-considered, and anything but foolish. I will allow my enemies to provide the counterpoints, but by doing so, they demonstrate to me that they are fools themselves.
Like most words, there are different meanings for the word “fool.” Wisely, I consulted the American Heritage Dictionary, which defines a fool as a person who is regarded as deficient in judgment, sense, or understanding. Does this sound familiar?
The fool may act unwisely on a given occasion, perhaps by refusing to acept a job, or by being tricked or made to appear ridiculous; a dupe.
From time to time in my life, I have been fooled, as I was deceived or tricked by others, and sometimes I was confounded. I have fooled around with good and sometimes not so good humor. Often, I have behaved comically.
Typically, I think I am not a fool, as many have expressed that I am a person regarded as anything but deficient in judgment, sense or understanding. And, usually, I act wisely.
On occasion, I have been tricked or made to appear ridiculous, but, typically, I am no person's fool. I may sometimes be a fool voluntarily too. Life is that way. More of us are fools or have acted foolish than those of us who are willing to admit it.
There are many terms to describe a fool, and far too many for me to even begin to identify them all in this column. Some synonyms found in my dictionary that I like a bit more than others are ignoramus, dimwit, numskull, dunce, bonehead, turkey, and narrow mind. Still, others I like are knucklehead, dingbat, nitwit, and chump. If you have ever been called any of these words, then someone was calling you a fool.
I conclude with a few quotes an internet pal shared with me today. Think about the wisdom expressed within these quotes for more than a moment, and reflect on the question: "Are you a fool who doesn't know it?"
Strange Quotes about "Fools"
Get the fools on your side and you can be elected to anything. - Frank Dane
A man who cannot reason is a fool, a man who will not reason is a bigot, and a man who dare not reason is a slave. - William Drummond
If a million people believe a foolish thing, it is still a foolish thing. - Anatole France
The heart of a fool is in his mouth, but the mouth of a wise man is in his heart. - Benjamin Franklin
Fools' names, like fools' faces, Are often seen in public places. - Thomas Fuller
Zeal is fit only for wise men, but is found mostly in fools. - Thomas Fuller
A wise man gets more use from his enemies than a fool from his friends. - Baltasar Gracian
There are more fools in the world than there are people. - Heinrich Heine
We must learn to live together as brothers or perish together as fools. - Martin Luther King, Jr.
The silliest woman can manage a clever man; but it needs a very clever woman to manage a fool. - Rudyard Kipling "Plain Tales from the Hills"
Burton Fletcher
www.USAMonuments.com
Burton@USAMonuments.com
Thursday, December 28, 2006
Speaking Our Minds & The True Gentleman
On a frequent basis, I read poisonous remarks written by some members of the monument industry. They seldom contribute anything useful to the dialogue, and they are quick to attack others in a broken-record fashion similar to a spam attack. These hatemongers seem determined to harm others.
I try my best to be a positive person. As a matter of principle, we should avoid negative persons for they often lie on a bed of inner turmoil consisting of unresolved adolescent anger that has held them back throughout their adult life.
We should speak our minds, but we should do so responsibly, and without intentionally hurting others unless necessity calls for it. As a pledge to Sigma Alpha Epsilon Fraternity during the spring of 1974, I was called upon to memorize and recite "The True Gentleman" verbatim.
I was successful in this endeavor and I received a certificate for my ability to recite "The True Gentleman" in chapter without mistakes. There were no redos and you were only given one opportunity to accomplish the task.
The True Gentleman is the standard to which everyone should seek to strive. When we fall short of that standard, we should try harder, as it is not easy to be the True Gentleman.
Please read the words of "The True Gentleman" slowly and carefully and think about the message the poem expresses. I invite you to make yourself a better person by following its advice. If you follow the instruction of The True Gentleman you will be a better person.
The True Gentleman
"The True Gentleman is the man whose conduct proceeds from good will and an acute sense of propriety, and whose self-control is equal to all emergencies; who does not make the poor man conscious of his poverty, the obscure man of his obscurity, or any man of his inferiority or deformity; who is himself humbled if necessity compels him to humble another; who does not flatter wealth, cringe before power, or boast of his own possessions or achievements; who speaks with frankness but always with sincerity and sympathy; whose deed follows his word; who thinks of the rights and feelings of others, rather than his own; and who appears well in any company, a man with whom honor is sacred and virtue safe.
- John Walter Wayland "
Burton Fletcher
www.USAMonuments.com
Burton@USAMonuments.com
I try my best to be a positive person. As a matter of principle, we should avoid negative persons for they often lie on a bed of inner turmoil consisting of unresolved adolescent anger that has held them back throughout their adult life.
We should speak our minds, but we should do so responsibly, and without intentionally hurting others unless necessity calls for it. As a pledge to Sigma Alpha Epsilon Fraternity during the spring of 1974, I was called upon to memorize and recite "The True Gentleman" verbatim.
I was successful in this endeavor and I received a certificate for my ability to recite "The True Gentleman" in chapter without mistakes. There were no redos and you were only given one opportunity to accomplish the task.
The True Gentleman is the standard to which everyone should seek to strive. When we fall short of that standard, we should try harder, as it is not easy to be the True Gentleman.
Please read the words of "The True Gentleman" slowly and carefully and think about the message the poem expresses. I invite you to make yourself a better person by following its advice. If you follow the instruction of The True Gentleman you will be a better person.
The True Gentleman
"The True Gentleman is the man whose conduct proceeds from good will and an acute sense of propriety, and whose self-control is equal to all emergencies; who does not make the poor man conscious of his poverty, the obscure man of his obscurity, or any man of his inferiority or deformity; who is himself humbled if necessity compels him to humble another; who does not flatter wealth, cringe before power, or boast of his own possessions or achievements; who speaks with frankness but always with sincerity and sympathy; whose deed follows his word; who thinks of the rights and feelings of others, rather than his own; and who appears well in any company, a man with whom honor is sacred and virtue safe.
- John Walter Wayland "
Burton Fletcher
www.USAMonuments.com
Burton@USAMonuments.com
Wednesday, December 27, 2006
13 Reasons to Smile
Life is often too serious and I like to take a few moments each day to smile. There is humor all around us if we will only take the time to see it. I received the following "13 Reasons to Smile," in an email from one of my college buddies this morning, and it brought a smile to my face, so I am sharing it with you. The author is unknown, but someone understood a lot about life as I am certain you will agree after you read these "13 reasons to smile."
Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my own pants.
Marriage changes passion. Suddenly you're in bed with a relative.
I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it. So I said "Implants?" She hit me.
How come we choose from just two people to run for president and over fifty for Miss America?
A good friend will come and bail you out of jail...but, a true friend will be sitting next to you saying, "Wow...that was fun!"
I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose-fitting clothing. If I HAD any loose-fitting clothing, I wouldn't have signed up in the first place!
When I was young we used to go "skinny dipping," now I just "chunky dunk."
Don't argue with an idiot; people watching may not be able to tell the difference.
Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply press 'Ctrl Alt Delete' and start all over? AMEN, AMEN !!
Why is it that our children can't read a Bible in school, but they can in prison?
Wouldn't you know it... Brain cells come and brain cells go, but FAT cells live forever.
Why do I have to swear on the Bible in court when the Ten Commandments cannot be displayed outside?
Bumper sticker of the year: "If you can read this, thank a teacher -and, since it's in English, thank a soldier"
And remember: life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.
Author unknown
Burton Fletcher
www.USAMonuments.com
Burton@USAMonuments.com
Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my own pants.
Marriage changes passion. Suddenly you're in bed with a relative.
I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it. So I said "Implants?" She hit me.
How come we choose from just two people to run for president and over fifty for Miss America?
A good friend will come and bail you out of jail...but, a true friend will be sitting next to you saying, "Wow...that was fun!"
I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose-fitting clothing. If I HAD any loose-fitting clothing, I wouldn't have signed up in the first place!
When I was young we used to go "skinny dipping," now I just "chunky dunk."
Don't argue with an idiot; people watching may not be able to tell the difference.
Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply press 'Ctrl Alt Delete' and start all over? AMEN, AMEN !!
Why is it that our children can't read a Bible in school, but they can in prison?
Wouldn't you know it... Brain cells come and brain cells go, but FAT cells live forever.
Why do I have to swear on the Bible in court when the Ten Commandments cannot be displayed outside?
Bumper sticker of the year: "If you can read this, thank a teacher -and, since it's in English, thank a soldier"
And remember: life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.
Author unknown
Burton Fletcher
www.USAMonuments.com
Burton@USAMonuments.com
Tuesday, December 26, 2006
Emoticons: A Tool For Living Well!
I like emoticons, those little smiling keyboard symbols that are used to communicate a shorthand lingo for emotions in our communications through the Internet, e.g., ;o), :o(, and a host of other symbols.
An Internet pal sent one out on a listeserver today, <@:( , that reminded me of the subject. I'm not sure, but I think he was saying his pal was a dunce.
Some emoticons are obvious to most folks such as ;o) (a wink with the smiling face), but there are many others and a lot of emoticons are subtle and not obvious to many people.
If you have kids, you can bet they know and use this secret Internet language to communicate to their friends in shorthand.
Since we now use the Internet as a frequent medium of communication, and we all know that the written word is often misinterpreted, emoticons help convey emotions that clue our readers into our mood, or moods, and whether we are communicating with seriousness or humor.
I enjoy writing and it is a talent that I have developed over a lifetime. I am not perfect with the tools of grammar--far from it-- however, I write well enough to communicate the points I wish to make in a manner that others are able to understand me.
For a sampling of humorous emoticons, See http://messenger.yahoo.com/hiddenemoticons.php .
For those who want to learn more about the subject, just use www.google.com or www.yahoo.com and use "emoticons" as your search term.
I suspect someone, somewhere, may be using emoticons now to give meaning to words on a headstone. Hey, who knows, I may be on to something here! ;o)
Burton Fletcher
www.USAMonuments.com
Burton@USAMonuments.com
An Internet pal sent one out on a listeserver today, <@:( , that reminded me of the subject. I'm not sure, but I think he was saying his pal was a dunce.
Some emoticons are obvious to most folks such as ;o) (a wink with the smiling face), but there are many others and a lot of emoticons are subtle and not obvious to many people.
If you have kids, you can bet they know and use this secret Internet language to communicate to their friends in shorthand.
Since we now use the Internet as a frequent medium of communication, and we all know that the written word is often misinterpreted, emoticons help convey emotions that clue our readers into our mood, or moods, and whether we are communicating with seriousness or humor.
I enjoy writing and it is a talent that I have developed over a lifetime. I am not perfect with the tools of grammar--far from it-- however, I write well enough to communicate the points I wish to make in a manner that others are able to understand me.
For a sampling of humorous emoticons, See http://messenger.yahoo.com/hiddenemoticons.php .
For those who want to learn more about the subject, just use www.google.com or www.yahoo.com and use "emoticons" as your search term.
I suspect someone, somewhere, may be using emoticons now to give meaning to words on a headstone. Hey, who knows, I may be on to something here! ;o)
Burton Fletcher
www.USAMonuments.com
Burton@USAMonuments.com
Friday, December 22, 2006
The Funeral Blues
Funeral Blues
Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone,
Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone,
Silence the pianos and with muffled drum
Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come.
Let aeroplanes circle moaning overhead
Scribbling on the sky the message He is Dead.
Put crepe bows round the white necks of the public doves,
Let the traffic policemen wear black cotton gloves.
He was my North, my South, my East and West,
My working week and my Sunday rest,
My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song;
I thought that love would last forever: I was wrong.
The stars are not wanted now; put out every one,
Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun,
Pour away the ocean and sweep up the woods;
For nothing now can ever come to any good.
-- W.H. Auden
I read this remarkable poem online. I think it is a wonderful poem, made even more so when the background of the author is understood.
The source for this poem was: http://redfordgaomingzhe.spaces.live.com/Blog/cns!FAF0820DF2893E30!136.entry
Burton Fletcher
www.USAMonuments.com
Burton@USAMonuments.com
Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone,
Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone,
Silence the pianos and with muffled drum
Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come.
Let aeroplanes circle moaning overhead
Scribbling on the sky the message He is Dead.
Put crepe bows round the white necks of the public doves,
Let the traffic policemen wear black cotton gloves.
He was my North, my South, my East and West,
My working week and my Sunday rest,
My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song;
I thought that love would last forever: I was wrong.
The stars are not wanted now; put out every one,
Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun,
Pour away the ocean and sweep up the woods;
For nothing now can ever come to any good.
-- W.H. Auden
I read this remarkable poem online. I think it is a wonderful poem, made even more so when the background of the author is understood.
The source for this poem was: http://redfordgaomingzhe.spaces.live.com/Blog/cns!FAF0820DF2893E30!136.entry
Burton Fletcher
www.USAMonuments.com
Burton@USAMonuments.com
Funerals: A FTC Consumer Guide
When a loved one dies, grieving family members and friends often are confronted with dozens of decisions about the funeral - all of which must be made quickly and often under great emotional duress. What kind of funeral should it be? What funeral provider should you use? Should you bury or cremate the body, or donate it to science? What are you legally required to buy? What other arrangements should you plan? And, as callous as it may sound, how much is it all going to cost?
Each year, Americans grapple with these and many other questions as they spend billions of dollars arranging more than 2 million funerals for family members and friends. The increasing trend toward pre-need planning - when people make funeral arrangements in advance - suggests that many consumers want to compare prices and services so that ultimately, the funeral reflects a wise and well-informed purchasing decision, as well as a meaningful one.
A Consumer Product
Funerals rank among the most expensive purchases many consumers will ever make. A traditional funeral, including a casket and vault, costs about $6,000, although "extras" like flowers, obituary notices, acknowledgment cards or limousines can add thousands of dollars to the bottom line. Many funerals run well over $10,000.
Yet even if you're the kind of person who might haggle with a dozen dealers to get the best price on a new car, you're likely to feel uncomfortable comparing prices or negotiating over the details and cost of a funeral, pre-need or at need. Compounding this discomfort is the fact that some people "overspend" on a funeral or burial because they think of it as a reflection of their feelings for the deceased.
Pre-Need
To help relieve their families of some of these decisions, an increasing number of people are planning their own funerals, designating their funeral preferences, and sometimes even paying for them in advance. They see funeral planning as an extension of will and estate planning.
Planning
Thinking ahead can help you make informed and thoughtful decisions about funeral arrangements. It allows you to choose the specific items you want and need and compare the prices offered by several funeral providers. It also spares your survivors the stress of making these decisions under the pressure of time and strong emotions.
You can make arrangements directly with a funeral establishment or through a funeral planning or memorial society - a nonprofit organization that provides information about funerals and disposition but doesn't offer funeral services. If you choose to contact such a group, recognize that while some funeral homes may include the word "society" in their names, they are not nonprofit organizations.
One other important consideration when planning a funeral pre-need is where the remains will be buried, entombed or scattered. In the short time between the death and burial of a loved one, many family members find themselves rushing to buy a cemetery plot or grave - often without careful thought or a personal visit to the site. That's why it's in the family's best interest to buy cemetery plots before you need them.
You may wish to make decisions about your arrangements in advance, but not pay for them in advance. Keep in mind that over time, prices may go up and businesses may close or change ownership. However, in some areas with increased competition, prices may go down over time. It's a good idea to review and revise your decisions every few years, and to make sure your family is aware of your wishes.
It's a good idea to review and revise your decision every few years.
Put your preferences in writing, give copies to family members and your attorney, and keep a copy in a handy place. Don't designate your preferences in your will, because a will often is not found or read until after the funeral. And avoid putting the only copy of your preferences in a safe deposit box. That's because your family may have to make arrangements on a weekend or holiday, before the box can be opened.
Prepaying Millions of Americans have entered into contracts to prearrange their funerals and prepay some or all of the expenses involved. Laws of individual states govern the prepayment of funeral goods and services; various states have laws to help ensure that these advance payments are available to pay for the funeral products and services when they're needed. But protections vary widely from state to state, and some state laws offer little or no effective protection. Some state laws require the funeral home or cemetery to place a percentage of the prepayment in a state-regulated trust or to purchase a life insurance policy with the death benefits assigned to the funeral home or cemetery.
If you're thinking about prepaying for funeral goods and services, it's important to consider these issues before putting down any money:
What are you are paying for? Are you buying only merchandise, like a casket and vault, or are you purchasing funeral services as well?
What happens to the money you've prepaid? States have different requirements for handling funds paid for prearranged funeral services.
What happens to the interest income on money that is prepaid and put into a trust account?
Are you protected if the firm you dealt with goes out of business?
Can you cancel the contract and get a full refund if you change your mind?
What happens if you move to a different area or die while away from home? Some prepaid funeral plans can be transferred, but often at an added cost.
Be sure to tell your family about the plans you've made; let them know where the documents are filed. If your family isn't aware that you've made plans, your wishes may not be carried out. And if family members don't know that you've prepaid the funeral costs, they could end up paying for the same arrangements. You may wish to consult an attorney on the best way to ensure that your wishes are followed.
The Funeral Rule
Most funeral providers are professionals who strive to serve their clients' needs and best interests. But some aren't. They may take advantage of their clients through inflated prices, overcharges, double charges or unnecessary services. Fortunately, there's a federal law that makes it easier for you to choose only those goods and services you want or need and to pay only for those you select, whether you are making arrangements pre-need or at need.
The Funeral Rule, enforced by the Federal Trade Commission, requires funeral directors to give you itemized prices in person and, if you ask, over the phone. The Rule also requires funeral directors to give you other information about their goods and services. For example, if you ask about funeral arrangements in person, the funeral home must give you a written price list to keep that shows the goods and services the home offers. If you want to buy a casket or outer burial container, the funeral provider must show you descriptions of the available selections and the prices before actually showing you the caskets.Many funeral providers offer various "packages" of commonly selected goods and services that make up a funeral. But when you arrange for a funeral, you have the right to buy individual goods and services. That is, you do not have to accept a package that may include items you do not want.
According to the Funeral Rule:
you have the right to choose the funeral goods and services you want (with some exceptions).
the funeral provider must state this right in writing on the general price list.
if state or local law requires you to buy any particular item, the funeral provider must disclose it on the price list, with a reference to the specific law.
the funeral provider may not refuse, or charge a fee, to handle a casket you bought elsewhere.
a funeral provider that offers cremations must make alternative containers available.
What Kind of Funeral Do You Want?
Every family is different, and not everyone wants the same type of funeral. Funeral practices are influenced by religious and cultural traditions, costs and personal preferences. These factors help determine whether the funeral will be elaborate or simple, public or private, religious or secular, and where it will be held. They also influence whether the body will be present at the funeral, if there will be a viewing or visitation, and if so, whether the casket will be open or closed, and whether the remains will be buried or cremated.
Among the choices you'll need to make are whether you want one of these basic types of funerals, or something in between.
"Traditional," full-service funeral
This type of funeral, often referred to by funeral providers as a "traditional" funeral, usually includes a viewing or visitation and formal funeral service, use of a hearse to transport the body to the funeral site and cemetery, and burial, entombment or cremation of the remains.
It is generally the most expensive type of funeral. In addition to the funeral home's basic services fee, costs often include embalming and dressing the body; rental of the funeral home for the viewing or service; and use of vehicles to transport the family if they don't use their own. The costs of a casket, cemetery plot or crypt and other funeral goods and services also must be factored in.
Every family is different, and not everyone wants the same type of funeral.
Direct burial
The body is buried shortly after death, usually in a simple container. No viewing or visitation is involved, so no embalming is necessary. A memorial service may be held at the graveside or later.
Direct burial usually costs less than the "traditional," full-service funeral. Costs include the funeral home's basic services fee, as well as transportation and care of the body, the purchase of a casket or burial container and a cemetery plot or crypt. If the family chooses to be at the cemetery for the burial, the funeral home often charges an additional fee for a graveside service.
Direct cremation
The body is cremated shortly after death, without embalming. The cremated remains are placed in an urn or other container. No viewing or visitation is involved, although a memorial service may be held, with or without the cremated remains present.
The remains can be kept in the home, buried or placed in a crypt or niche in a cemetery, or buried or scattered in a favorite spot. Direct cremation usually costs less than the "traditional," full-service funeral.
Costs include the funeral home's basic services fee, as well as transportation and care of the body. A crematory fee may be included or, if the funeral home does not own the crematory, the fee may be added on. There also will be a charge for an urn or other container. The cost of a cemetery plot or crypt is included only if the remains are buried or entombed.
Funeral providers who offer direct cremations also must offer to provide an alternative container that can be used in place of a casket.
Choosing a Funeral Provider
Many people don't realize that they are not legally required to use a funeral home to plan and conduct a funeral. However, because they have little experience with the many details and legal requirements involved and may be emotionally distraught when it's time to make the plans, many people find the services of a professional funeral home to be a comfort.
Consumers often select a funeral home or cemetery because it's close to home, has served the family in the past, or has been recommended by someone they trust. But people who limit their search to just one funeral home may risk paying more than necessary for the funeral or narrowing their choice of goods and services.
Comparison shopping need not be difficult, especially if it's done before the need for a funeral arises. If you visit a funeral home in person, the funeral provider is required by law to give you a general price list itemizing the cost of the items and services the home offers. If the general price list does not include specific prices of caskets or outer burial containers, the law requires the funeral director to show you the price lists for those items before showing you the items.
Sometimes it's more convenient and less stressful to "price shop" funeral homes by telephone. The Funeral Rule requires funeral directors to provide price information over the phone to any caller who asks for it. In addition, many funeral homes are happy to mail you their price lists, although that is not required by law.
When comparing prices, be sure to consider the total cost of all the items together, in addition to the costs of single items. Every funeral home should have price lists that include all the items essential for the different types of arrangements it offers. Many funeral homes offer package funerals that may cost less than purchasing individual items or services. Offering package funerals is permitted by law, as long as an itemized price list also is provided. But only by using the price lists can you accurately compare total costs.
Be sure to considerthe total costof all the items.
In addition, there's a growing trend toward consolidation in the funeral home industry, and many neighborhood funeral homes are thought to be locally owned when in fact, they're owned by a national corporation. If this issue is important to you, you may want to ask if the funeral home is locally owned.
Funeral Costs
Funeral costs include:
1. Basic services fee for the funeral director and staff
The Funeral Rule allows funeral providers to charge a basic services fee that customers cannot decline to pay. The basic services fee includes services that are common to all funerals, regardless of the specific arrangement. These include funeral planning, securing the necessary permits and copies of death certificates, preparing the notices, sheltering the remains, and coordinating the arrangements with the cemetery, crematory or other third parties. The fee does not include charges for optional services or merchandise.
2. Charges for other services and merchandise
These are costs for optional goods and services such as transporting the remains; embalming and other preparation; use of the funeral home for the viewing, ceremony or memorial service; use of equipment and staff for a graveside service; use of a hearse or limousine; a casket, outer burial container or alternate container; and cremation or interment.
3. Cash advances
These are fees charged by the funeral home for goods and services it buys from outside vendors on your behalf, including flowers, obituary notices, pallbearers, officiating clergy, and organists and soloists. Some funeral providers charge you their cost for the items they buy on your behalf. Others add a service fee to their cost. The Funeral Rule requires those who charge an extra fee to disclose that fact in writing, although it doesn't require them to specify the amount of their markup. The Rule also requires funeral providers to tell you if there are refunds, discounts or rebates from the supplier on any cash advance item.
Calculating the Actual Cost
The funeral provider must give you an itemized statement of the total cost of the funeral goods and services you have selected when you are making the arrangements. If the funeral provider doesn't know the cost of the cash advance items at the time, he or she is required to give you a written "good faith estimate." This statement also must disclose any legal, cemetery or crematory requirements that you purchase any specific funeral goods or services.
The Funeral Rule does not require any specific format for this information. Funeral providers may include it in any document they give you at the end of your discussion about funeral arrangements.
Services and Products
Embalming Many funeral homes require embalming if you're planning a viewing or visitation. But embalming generally is not necessary or legally required if the body is buried or cremated shortly after death. Eliminating this service can save you hundreds of dollars. Under the Funeral Rule, a funeral provider:
may not provide embalming services without permission.
may not falsely state that embalming is required by law.
must disclose in writing that embalming is not required by law, except in certain special cases.
may not charge a fee for unauthorized embalming unless embalming is required by state law.
must disclose in writing that you usually have the right to choose a disposition, such as direct cremation or immediate burial, that does not require embalming if you do not want this service.
must disclose in writing that some funeral arrangements, such as a funeral with viewing, may make embalming a practical necessity and, if so, a required purchase.
Caskets For a "traditional," full-service funeral: A casket often is the single most expensive item you'll buy if you plan a "traditional," full-service funeral. Caskets vary widely in style and price and are sold primarily for their visual appeal. Typically, they're constructed of metal, wood, fiberboard, fiberglass or plastic. Although an average casket costs slightly more than $2,000, some mahogany, bronze or copper caskets sell for as much as $10,000.
When you visit a funeral home or showroom to shop for a casket, the Funeral Rule requires the funeral director to show you a list of caskets the company sells, with descriptions and prices, before showing you the caskets. Industry studies show that the average casket shopper buys one of the first three models shown, generally the middle-priced of the three.
Caskets vary widely in style and price.
So it's in the seller's best interest to start out by showing you higher-end models. If you haven't seen some of the lower-priced models on the price list, ask to see them - but don't be surprised if they're not prominently displayed, or not on display at all.
Traditionally, caskets have been sold only by funeral homes. But with increasing frequency, showrooms and websites operated by "third-party" dealers are selling caskets. You can buy a casket from one of these dealers and have it shipped directly to the funeral home. The Funeral Rule requires funeral homes to agree to use a casket you bought elsewhere, and doesn't allow them to charge you a fee for using it.
No matter where or when you're buying a casket, it's important to remember that its purpose is to provide a dignified way to move the body before burial or cremation. No casket, regardless of its qualities or cost, will preserve a body forever. Metal caskets frequently are described as "gasketed," "protective" or "sealer" caskets. These terms mean that the casket has a rubber gasket or some other feature that is designed to delay the penetration of water into the casket and prevent rust. The Funeral Rule forbids claims that these features help preserve the remains indefinitely because they don't. They just add to the cost of the casket.
Most metal caskets are made from rolled steel of varying gauges - the lower the gauge, the thicker the steel. Some metal caskets come with a warranty for longevity. Wooden caskets generally are not gasketed and don't have a warranty for longevity. They can be hardwood like mahogany, walnut, cherry or oak, or softwood like pine. Pine caskets are a less expensive option, but funeral homes rarely display them. Manufacturers of both wooden and metal caskets usually warrant workmanship and materials.
For cremation: Many families that opt to have their loved ones cremated rent a casket from the funeral home for the visitation and funeral, eliminating the cost of buying a casket. If you opt for visitation and cremation, ask about the rental option. For those who choose a direct cremation without a viewing or other ceremony where the body is present, the funeral provider must offer an inexpensive unfinished wood box or alternative container, a non-metal enclosure - pressboard, cardboard or canvas - that is cremated with the body.
Under the Funeral Rule, funeral directors who offer direct cremations:
may not tell you that state or local law requires a casket for direct cremations, because none do;
must disclose in writing your right to buy an unfinished wood box or an alternative container for a direct cremation; and must make an unfinished wood box or other alternative container available for direct cremations.
Burial Vaults or Grave Liners Burial vaults or grave liners, also known as burial containers, are commonly used in "traditional," full-service funerals. The vault or liner is placed in the ground before burial, and the casket is lowered into it at burial. The purpose is to prevent the ground from caving in as the casket deteriorates over time.
A grave liner is made of reinforced concrete and will satisfy any cemetery requirement. Grave liners cover only the top and sides of the casket. A burial vault is more substantial and expensive than a grave liner. It surrounds the casket in concrete or another material and may be sold with a warranty of protective strength.
State laws do not require a vault or liner, and funeral providers may not tell you otherwise. However, keep in mind that many cemeteries require some type of outer burial container to prevent the grave from sinking in the future.
Neither grave liners nor burial vaults are designed to prevent the eventual decomposition of human remains. It is illegal for funeral providers to claim that a vault will keep water, dirt or other debris from penetrating into the casket if that's not true.
Before showing you any outer burial containers, a funeral provider is required to give you a list of prices and descriptions. It may be less expensive to buy an outer burial container from a third-party dealer than from a funeral home or cemetery. Compare prices from several sources before you select a model.
Preservative Processes and Products
As far back as the ancient Egyptians, people have used oils, herbs and special body preparations to help preserve the bodies of their dead. Yet, no process or products have been devised to preserve a body in the grave indefinitely. The Funeral Rule prohibits funeral providers from telling you that it can be done. For example, funeral providers may not claim that either embalming or a particular type of casket will preserve the body of the deceased for an unlimited time.
Cemetery Sites
When you are purchasing a cemetery plot, consider the location of the cemetery and whether it meets the requirements of your family's religion. Other considerations include what, if any, restrictions the cemetery places on burial vaults purchased elsewhere, the type of monuments or memorials it allows, and whether flowers or other remembrances may be placed on graves.
Cost is another consideration. Cemetery plots can be expensive, especially in metropolitan areas. Most, but not all, cemeteries require you to purchase a grave liner, which will cost several hundred dollars. Note that there are charges - usually hundreds of dollars - to open a grave for interment and additional charges to fill it in. Perpetual care on a cemetery plot sometimes is included in the purchase price, but it's important to clarify that point before you buy the site or service. If it's not included, look for a separate endowment care fee for maintenance and groundskeeping.
If you plan to bury your loved one's cremated remains in a mausoleum or columbarium, you can expect to purchase a crypt and pay opening and closing fees, as well as charges for endowment care and other services. The FTC's Funeral Rule does not cover cemeteries and mausoleums unless they sell both funeral goods and funeral services, so be cautious in making your purchase to ensure that you receive all pertinent price and other information, and that you're being dealt with fairly.
Veterans Cemeteries
All veterans are entitled to a free burial in a national cemetery and a grave marker. This eligibility also extends to some civilians who have provided military-related service and some Public Health Service personnel. Spouses and dependent children also are entitled to a lot and marker when buried in a national cemetery. There are no charges for opening or closing the grave, for a vault or liner, or for setting the marker in a national cemetery. The family generally is responsible for other expenses, including transportation to the cemetery. For more information, visit the Department of Veterans Affairs' website at www.cem.va.gov. To reach the regional Veterans office in your area, call 1-800-827-1000 .
In addition, many states have established state veterans cemeteries. Eligibility requirements and other details vary. Contact your state for more information.
Beware of commercial cemeteries that advertise so-called "veterans' specials." These cemeteries sometimes offer a free plot for the veteran, but charge exorbitant rates for an adjoining plot for the spouse, as well as high fees for opening and closing each grave. Evaluate the bottom-line cost to be sure the special is as special as you may be led to believe.
For More Information
Most states have a licensing board that regulates the funeral industry. You may contact the board in your state for information or help. If you want additional information about making funeral arrangements and the options available, you may want to contact interested business, professional and consumer groups. Some of the biggest are:
AARP Fulfillment 601 E Street, NW Washington, DC 20049 1-800-424-3410
http://www.aarp.org%20/AARP is a nonprofit, nonpartisan organization dedicated to helping older Americans achieve lives of independence, dignity and purpose. Its publications, Funeral Goods and Services and Pre-Paying for Your Funeral, are available free by writing to the above address. This and other funeral-related information is posted on the AARP website.
Council of Better Business Bureaus, Inc. 4200 Wilson Blvd., Suite 800 Arlington, VA 22203-1838 http://www.bbb.org/Better Business Bureaus are private, nonprofit organizations that promote ethical business standards and voluntary self-regulation of business practices.
Funeral Consumers Alliance 33 Patchen RoadSouth Burlington, VT 054031-800-765-0107 http://www.funerals.org%20/FCA, a nonprofit, educational organization that supports increased funeral consumer protection, is affiliated with the Funeral and Memorial Society of America (FAMSA).
Cremation Association of North America 401 North Michigan Avenue Chicago, IL 60611 (312) 644-6610 http://www.funerals.org%20/ CANA is an association of crematories, cemeteries and funeral homes that offer cremation.
International Cemetery and Funeral Association 1895 Preston White Drive, Suite 220 Reston, VA 20191 1-800-645-7700 http://www.icfa.org/ ICFA is a nonprofit association of cemeteries, funeral homes, crematories and monument retailers that offers informal mediation of consumer complaints through its Cemetery Consumer Service Council. Its website provides information and advice under "Consumer Resources."
International Order of the Golden Rule 13523 Lakefront Drive St. Louis, MO 63045 1-800-637-8030 http://www.ogr.org%20/OGR is an international association of about 1,300 independent funeral homes.
Jewish Funeral Directors of America Seaport Landing 150 Lynnway, Suite 506 Lynn, MA 01902 (781) 477-9300 http://www.jfda.org%20/ JFDA is an international association of funeral homes serving the Jewish community.
National Funeral Directors Association 13625 Bishop's Drive Brookfield, WI 53005 1-800-228-6332 http://www.nfda.org/resources NFDA is the largest educational and professional association of funeral directors.
National Funeral Directors and Morticians Association 3951 Snapfinger Parkway, Suite 570 Decatur, GA 30035 1-800-434-0958 http://www.nfdma.com/ NFDMA is a national association primarily of African-American funeral providers.
Selected Independent Funeral Homes500 Lake Cook Road, Suite 205Deerfield, Illinois 600151-800-323-4219 http://www.selectedfuneralhomes.org/ Selected Independent Funeral Homes is an international association of funeral firms that have agreed to comply with its Code of Good Funeral Practice. Consumers may request a variety of publications through the association's affiliate, Selected Resources, Inc.
Funeral Service Consumer Assistance Program PO Box 486 Elm Grove, WI 53122-0486 1-800-662-7666 FSCAP is a nonprofit consumer service designed to help people understand funeral service and related topics and to help them resolve funeral service concerns. FSCAP service representatives and an intervener assist consumers in identifying needs, addressing complaints and resolving problems. Free brochures on funeral related topics are available.
Funeral Service Educational Foundation 13625 Bishop's Drive Brookfield, WI 53005 1-877-402-5900 FSEF is a nonprofit foundation dedicated to advancing professionalism in funeral service and to enhancing public knowledge and understanding through education and research.
Solving Problems
If you have a problem concerning funeral matters, it's best to try to resolve it first with the funeral director. If you are dissatisfied, the Funeral Consumer's Alliance may be able to advise you on how best to resolve your issue. You also can contact your state or local consumer protection agencies listed in your telephone book, or the Funeral Service Consumer Assistance Program.
You can file a complaint with the FTC by contacting the Consumer Response Center by phone, toll-free, at 1-877-FTC-HELP (382-4357); TDD: 1-866-653-4261 ; by mail: Consumer Response Center, Federal Trade Commission, 600 Pennsylvania Avenue, NW, Washington, DC 20580; or on the Internet at http://www.ftc.gov/, using the online complaint form. Although the Commission cannot resolve individual problems for consumers, it can act against a company if it sees a pattern of possible law violations.
Planning for a Funeral
Shop around in advance. Compare prices from at least two funeral homes. Remember that you can supply your own casket or urn.
Ask for a price list. The law requires funeral homes to give you written price lists for products and services.
Resist pressure to buy goods and services you don't really want or need.
Avoid emotional overspending. It's not necessary to have the fanciest casket or the most elaborate funeral to properly honor a loved one.
Recognize your rights.
Laws regarding funerals and burials vary from state to state. It's a smart move to know which goods or services the law requires you to purchase and which are optional.
Apply the same smart shopping techniques you use for other major purchases. You can cut costs by limiting the viewing to one day or one hour before the funeral, and by dressing your loved one in a favorite outfit instead of costly burial clothing.
Plan ahead. It allows you to comparison shop without time constraints, creates an opportunity for family discussion, and lifts some of the burden from your family.
Prices to Check
Make copies of this page and check with several funeral homes to compare costs.
"Simple" disposition of the remains:
Immediate burial
Immediate cremation
If the cremation process is extra, how much is it?
Donation of the body to a medical school or hospital
"Traditional," full-service burial or cremation:
Basic services fee for the funeral director and staff
Pickup of body
Embalming
Other preparation of body
Least expensive casket
Description, including model #
Outer Burial Container (vault)
Description
Visitation/viewing — staff and facilities
Funeral or memorial service — staff and facilities
Graveside service, including staff and equipment
Hearse
Other vehicles
Total
Other Services:
Forwarding body to another funeral home
Receiving body from another funeral home
Other Services:
Cost of lot or crypt (if you don’t already own one)
Perpetual care
Opening and closing the grave or crypt
Grave liner, if required
Marker/monument (including setup)
GLOSSARY OF TERMS
Courtesy of the California Department of Consumer Affairs, Cemetery and Funeral Bureau
Alternative Container: An unfinished wood box or other non-metal receptacle without ornamentation, often made of fiberboard, pressed wood or composition materials, and generally lower in cost than caskets.
Casket/Coffin: A box or chest for burying remains.
Cemetery Property: A grave, crypt or niche.
Cemetery Services: Opening and closing graves, crypts or niches; setting grave liners and vaults; setting markers; and long-term maintenance of cemetery grounds and facilities.
Columbarium: A structure with niches (small spaces) for placing cremated remains in urns or other approved containers. It may be outdoors or part of a mausoleum.
Cremation: Exposing remains and the container encasing them to extreme heat and flame and processing the resulting bone fragments to a uniform size and consistency.
Crypt: A space in a mausoleum or other building to hold cremated or whole remains.
Disposition: The placement of cremated or whole remains in their final resting place.
Endowment Care Fund: Money collected from cemetery property purchasers and placed in trust for the maintenance and upkeep of the cemetery.
Entombment: Burial in a mausoleum. Funeral Ceremony A service commemorating the deceased, with the body present.
Funeral Services: Services provided by a funeral director and staff, which may include consulting with the family on funeral planning; transportation, shelter, refrigeration and embalming of remains; preparing and filing notices; obtaining authorizations and permits; and coordinating with the cemetery, crematory or other third parties.
Funeral Planning Society: See Memorial Society.
Grave: A space in the ground in a cemetery for the burial of remains.
Grave Liner or A concrete: cover that fits over a casket in a grave. Some liners cover tops and sides of the casket. Others, referred to as vaults, completely enclose the casket. Grave liners minimize ground settling.
Graveside Service: A service to commemorate the deceased held at the cemetery before burial.
Interment: Burial in the ground, inurnment or entombment.
Inurnment: The placing of cremated remains in an urn.
Mausoleum: A building in which remains are buried or entombed.
Memorial Service: A ceremony commemorating the deceased, without the body present.
Memorial Society: An organization that provides information about funerals and disposition, but is not part of the state-regulated funeral industry.
Niche: A space in a columbarium, mausoleum or niche wall to hold an urn.
Urn: A container to hold cremated remains. It can be placed in a columbarium or mausoleum, or buried in the ground.
Vault: A grave liner that completely encloses a casket.
The FTC works for the consumer to prevent fraudulent, deceptive and unfair business practices in the marketplace and to provide information to help consumers spot, stop, and avoid them. To file a complaint or to get free information on consumer issues, visit http://www.ftc.gov/ or call toll-free, 1-877-FTC-HELP (1-877-382-4357 ); TTY: 1-866-653-4261 .
The FTC enters Internet, telemarketing, identity theft, and other fraud-related complaints into Consumer Sentinel, a secure, online database available to hundreds of civil and criminal law enforcement agencies in the U.S. and abroad.
June 2000
Each year, Americans grapple with these and many other questions as they spend billions of dollars arranging more than 2 million funerals for family members and friends. The increasing trend toward pre-need planning - when people make funeral arrangements in advance - suggests that many consumers want to compare prices and services so that ultimately, the funeral reflects a wise and well-informed purchasing decision, as well as a meaningful one.
A Consumer Product
Funerals rank among the most expensive purchases many consumers will ever make. A traditional funeral, including a casket and vault, costs about $6,000, although "extras" like flowers, obituary notices, acknowledgment cards or limousines can add thousands of dollars to the bottom line. Many funerals run well over $10,000.
Yet even if you're the kind of person who might haggle with a dozen dealers to get the best price on a new car, you're likely to feel uncomfortable comparing prices or negotiating over the details and cost of a funeral, pre-need or at need. Compounding this discomfort is the fact that some people "overspend" on a funeral or burial because they think of it as a reflection of their feelings for the deceased.
Pre-Need
To help relieve their families of some of these decisions, an increasing number of people are planning their own funerals, designating their funeral preferences, and sometimes even paying for them in advance. They see funeral planning as an extension of will and estate planning.
Planning
Thinking ahead can help you make informed and thoughtful decisions about funeral arrangements. It allows you to choose the specific items you want and need and compare the prices offered by several funeral providers. It also spares your survivors the stress of making these decisions under the pressure of time and strong emotions.
You can make arrangements directly with a funeral establishment or through a funeral planning or memorial society - a nonprofit organization that provides information about funerals and disposition but doesn't offer funeral services. If you choose to contact such a group, recognize that while some funeral homes may include the word "society" in their names, they are not nonprofit organizations.
One other important consideration when planning a funeral pre-need is where the remains will be buried, entombed or scattered. In the short time between the death and burial of a loved one, many family members find themselves rushing to buy a cemetery plot or grave - often without careful thought or a personal visit to the site. That's why it's in the family's best interest to buy cemetery plots before you need them.
You may wish to make decisions about your arrangements in advance, but not pay for them in advance. Keep in mind that over time, prices may go up and businesses may close or change ownership. However, in some areas with increased competition, prices may go down over time. It's a good idea to review and revise your decisions every few years, and to make sure your family is aware of your wishes.
It's a good idea to review and revise your decision every few years.
Put your preferences in writing, give copies to family members and your attorney, and keep a copy in a handy place. Don't designate your preferences in your will, because a will often is not found or read until after the funeral. And avoid putting the only copy of your preferences in a safe deposit box. That's because your family may have to make arrangements on a weekend or holiday, before the box can be opened.
Prepaying Millions of Americans have entered into contracts to prearrange their funerals and prepay some or all of the expenses involved. Laws of individual states govern the prepayment of funeral goods and services; various states have laws to help ensure that these advance payments are available to pay for the funeral products and services when they're needed. But protections vary widely from state to state, and some state laws offer little or no effective protection. Some state laws require the funeral home or cemetery to place a percentage of the prepayment in a state-regulated trust or to purchase a life insurance policy with the death benefits assigned to the funeral home or cemetery.
If you're thinking about prepaying for funeral goods and services, it's important to consider these issues before putting down any money:
What are you are paying for? Are you buying only merchandise, like a casket and vault, or are you purchasing funeral services as well?
What happens to the money you've prepaid? States have different requirements for handling funds paid for prearranged funeral services.
What happens to the interest income on money that is prepaid and put into a trust account?
Are you protected if the firm you dealt with goes out of business?
Can you cancel the contract and get a full refund if you change your mind?
What happens if you move to a different area or die while away from home? Some prepaid funeral plans can be transferred, but often at an added cost.
Be sure to tell your family about the plans you've made; let them know where the documents are filed. If your family isn't aware that you've made plans, your wishes may not be carried out. And if family members don't know that you've prepaid the funeral costs, they could end up paying for the same arrangements. You may wish to consult an attorney on the best way to ensure that your wishes are followed.
The Funeral Rule
Most funeral providers are professionals who strive to serve their clients' needs and best interests. But some aren't. They may take advantage of their clients through inflated prices, overcharges, double charges or unnecessary services. Fortunately, there's a federal law that makes it easier for you to choose only those goods and services you want or need and to pay only for those you select, whether you are making arrangements pre-need or at need.
The Funeral Rule, enforced by the Federal Trade Commission, requires funeral directors to give you itemized prices in person and, if you ask, over the phone. The Rule also requires funeral directors to give you other information about their goods and services. For example, if you ask about funeral arrangements in person, the funeral home must give you a written price list to keep that shows the goods and services the home offers. If you want to buy a casket or outer burial container, the funeral provider must show you descriptions of the available selections and the prices before actually showing you the caskets.Many funeral providers offer various "packages" of commonly selected goods and services that make up a funeral. But when you arrange for a funeral, you have the right to buy individual goods and services. That is, you do not have to accept a package that may include items you do not want.
According to the Funeral Rule:
you have the right to choose the funeral goods and services you want (with some exceptions).
the funeral provider must state this right in writing on the general price list.
if state or local law requires you to buy any particular item, the funeral provider must disclose it on the price list, with a reference to the specific law.
the funeral provider may not refuse, or charge a fee, to handle a casket you bought elsewhere.
a funeral provider that offers cremations must make alternative containers available.
What Kind of Funeral Do You Want?
Every family is different, and not everyone wants the same type of funeral. Funeral practices are influenced by religious and cultural traditions, costs and personal preferences. These factors help determine whether the funeral will be elaborate or simple, public or private, religious or secular, and where it will be held. They also influence whether the body will be present at the funeral, if there will be a viewing or visitation, and if so, whether the casket will be open or closed, and whether the remains will be buried or cremated.
Among the choices you'll need to make are whether you want one of these basic types of funerals, or something in between.
"Traditional," full-service funeral
This type of funeral, often referred to by funeral providers as a "traditional" funeral, usually includes a viewing or visitation and formal funeral service, use of a hearse to transport the body to the funeral site and cemetery, and burial, entombment or cremation of the remains.
It is generally the most expensive type of funeral. In addition to the funeral home's basic services fee, costs often include embalming and dressing the body; rental of the funeral home for the viewing or service; and use of vehicles to transport the family if they don't use their own. The costs of a casket, cemetery plot or crypt and other funeral goods and services also must be factored in.
Every family is different, and not everyone wants the same type of funeral.
Direct burial
The body is buried shortly after death, usually in a simple container. No viewing or visitation is involved, so no embalming is necessary. A memorial service may be held at the graveside or later.
Direct burial usually costs less than the "traditional," full-service funeral. Costs include the funeral home's basic services fee, as well as transportation and care of the body, the purchase of a casket or burial container and a cemetery plot or crypt. If the family chooses to be at the cemetery for the burial, the funeral home often charges an additional fee for a graveside service.
Direct cremation
The body is cremated shortly after death, without embalming. The cremated remains are placed in an urn or other container. No viewing or visitation is involved, although a memorial service may be held, with or without the cremated remains present.
The remains can be kept in the home, buried or placed in a crypt or niche in a cemetery, or buried or scattered in a favorite spot. Direct cremation usually costs less than the "traditional," full-service funeral.
Costs include the funeral home's basic services fee, as well as transportation and care of the body. A crematory fee may be included or, if the funeral home does not own the crematory, the fee may be added on. There also will be a charge for an urn or other container. The cost of a cemetery plot or crypt is included only if the remains are buried or entombed.
Funeral providers who offer direct cremations also must offer to provide an alternative container that can be used in place of a casket.
Choosing a Funeral Provider
Many people don't realize that they are not legally required to use a funeral home to plan and conduct a funeral. However, because they have little experience with the many details and legal requirements involved and may be emotionally distraught when it's time to make the plans, many people find the services of a professional funeral home to be a comfort.
Consumers often select a funeral home or cemetery because it's close to home, has served the family in the past, or has been recommended by someone they trust. But people who limit their search to just one funeral home may risk paying more than necessary for the funeral or narrowing their choice of goods and services.
Comparison shopping need not be difficult, especially if it's done before the need for a funeral arises. If you visit a funeral home in person, the funeral provider is required by law to give you a general price list itemizing the cost of the items and services the home offers. If the general price list does not include specific prices of caskets or outer burial containers, the law requires the funeral director to show you the price lists for those items before showing you the items.
Sometimes it's more convenient and less stressful to "price shop" funeral homes by telephone. The Funeral Rule requires funeral directors to provide price information over the phone to any caller who asks for it. In addition, many funeral homes are happy to mail you their price lists, although that is not required by law.
When comparing prices, be sure to consider the total cost of all the items together, in addition to the costs of single items. Every funeral home should have price lists that include all the items essential for the different types of arrangements it offers. Many funeral homes offer package funerals that may cost less than purchasing individual items or services. Offering package funerals is permitted by law, as long as an itemized price list also is provided. But only by using the price lists can you accurately compare total costs.
Be sure to considerthe total costof all the items.
In addition, there's a growing trend toward consolidation in the funeral home industry, and many neighborhood funeral homes are thought to be locally owned when in fact, they're owned by a national corporation. If this issue is important to you, you may want to ask if the funeral home is locally owned.
Funeral Costs
Funeral costs include:
1. Basic services fee for the funeral director and staff
The Funeral Rule allows funeral providers to charge a basic services fee that customers cannot decline to pay. The basic services fee includes services that are common to all funerals, regardless of the specific arrangement. These include funeral planning, securing the necessary permits and copies of death certificates, preparing the notices, sheltering the remains, and coordinating the arrangements with the cemetery, crematory or other third parties. The fee does not include charges for optional services or merchandise.
2. Charges for other services and merchandise
These are costs for optional goods and services such as transporting the remains; embalming and other preparation; use of the funeral home for the viewing, ceremony or memorial service; use of equipment and staff for a graveside service; use of a hearse or limousine; a casket, outer burial container or alternate container; and cremation or interment.
3. Cash advances
These are fees charged by the funeral home for goods and services it buys from outside vendors on your behalf, including flowers, obituary notices, pallbearers, officiating clergy, and organists and soloists. Some funeral providers charge you their cost for the items they buy on your behalf. Others add a service fee to their cost. The Funeral Rule requires those who charge an extra fee to disclose that fact in writing, although it doesn't require them to specify the amount of their markup. The Rule also requires funeral providers to tell you if there are refunds, discounts or rebates from the supplier on any cash advance item.
Calculating the Actual Cost
The funeral provider must give you an itemized statement of the total cost of the funeral goods and services you have selected when you are making the arrangements. If the funeral provider doesn't know the cost of the cash advance items at the time, he or she is required to give you a written "good faith estimate." This statement also must disclose any legal, cemetery or crematory requirements that you purchase any specific funeral goods or services.
The Funeral Rule does not require any specific format for this information. Funeral providers may include it in any document they give you at the end of your discussion about funeral arrangements.
Services and Products
Embalming Many funeral homes require embalming if you're planning a viewing or visitation. But embalming generally is not necessary or legally required if the body is buried or cremated shortly after death. Eliminating this service can save you hundreds of dollars. Under the Funeral Rule, a funeral provider:
may not provide embalming services without permission.
may not falsely state that embalming is required by law.
must disclose in writing that embalming is not required by law, except in certain special cases.
may not charge a fee for unauthorized embalming unless embalming is required by state law.
must disclose in writing that you usually have the right to choose a disposition, such as direct cremation or immediate burial, that does not require embalming if you do not want this service.
must disclose in writing that some funeral arrangements, such as a funeral with viewing, may make embalming a practical necessity and, if so, a required purchase.
Caskets For a "traditional," full-service funeral: A casket often is the single most expensive item you'll buy if you plan a "traditional," full-service funeral. Caskets vary widely in style and price and are sold primarily for their visual appeal. Typically, they're constructed of metal, wood, fiberboard, fiberglass or plastic. Although an average casket costs slightly more than $2,000, some mahogany, bronze or copper caskets sell for as much as $10,000.
When you visit a funeral home or showroom to shop for a casket, the Funeral Rule requires the funeral director to show you a list of caskets the company sells, with descriptions and prices, before showing you the caskets. Industry studies show that the average casket shopper buys one of the first three models shown, generally the middle-priced of the three.
Caskets vary widely in style and price.
So it's in the seller's best interest to start out by showing you higher-end models. If you haven't seen some of the lower-priced models on the price list, ask to see them - but don't be surprised if they're not prominently displayed, or not on display at all.
Traditionally, caskets have been sold only by funeral homes. But with increasing frequency, showrooms and websites operated by "third-party" dealers are selling caskets. You can buy a casket from one of these dealers and have it shipped directly to the funeral home. The Funeral Rule requires funeral homes to agree to use a casket you bought elsewhere, and doesn't allow them to charge you a fee for using it.
No matter where or when you're buying a casket, it's important to remember that its purpose is to provide a dignified way to move the body before burial or cremation. No casket, regardless of its qualities or cost, will preserve a body forever. Metal caskets frequently are described as "gasketed," "protective" or "sealer" caskets. These terms mean that the casket has a rubber gasket or some other feature that is designed to delay the penetration of water into the casket and prevent rust. The Funeral Rule forbids claims that these features help preserve the remains indefinitely because they don't. They just add to the cost of the casket.
Most metal caskets are made from rolled steel of varying gauges - the lower the gauge, the thicker the steel. Some metal caskets come with a warranty for longevity. Wooden caskets generally are not gasketed and don't have a warranty for longevity. They can be hardwood like mahogany, walnut, cherry or oak, or softwood like pine. Pine caskets are a less expensive option, but funeral homes rarely display them. Manufacturers of both wooden and metal caskets usually warrant workmanship and materials.
For cremation: Many families that opt to have their loved ones cremated rent a casket from the funeral home for the visitation and funeral, eliminating the cost of buying a casket. If you opt for visitation and cremation, ask about the rental option. For those who choose a direct cremation without a viewing or other ceremony where the body is present, the funeral provider must offer an inexpensive unfinished wood box or alternative container, a non-metal enclosure - pressboard, cardboard or canvas - that is cremated with the body.
Under the Funeral Rule, funeral directors who offer direct cremations:
may not tell you that state or local law requires a casket for direct cremations, because none do;
must disclose in writing your right to buy an unfinished wood box or an alternative container for a direct cremation; and must make an unfinished wood box or other alternative container available for direct cremations.
Burial Vaults or Grave Liners Burial vaults or grave liners, also known as burial containers, are commonly used in "traditional," full-service funerals. The vault or liner is placed in the ground before burial, and the casket is lowered into it at burial. The purpose is to prevent the ground from caving in as the casket deteriorates over time.
A grave liner is made of reinforced concrete and will satisfy any cemetery requirement. Grave liners cover only the top and sides of the casket. A burial vault is more substantial and expensive than a grave liner. It surrounds the casket in concrete or another material and may be sold with a warranty of protective strength.
State laws do not require a vault or liner, and funeral providers may not tell you otherwise. However, keep in mind that many cemeteries require some type of outer burial container to prevent the grave from sinking in the future.
Neither grave liners nor burial vaults are designed to prevent the eventual decomposition of human remains. It is illegal for funeral providers to claim that a vault will keep water, dirt or other debris from penetrating into the casket if that's not true.
Before showing you any outer burial containers, a funeral provider is required to give you a list of prices and descriptions. It may be less expensive to buy an outer burial container from a third-party dealer than from a funeral home or cemetery. Compare prices from several sources before you select a model.
Preservative Processes and Products
As far back as the ancient Egyptians, people have used oils, herbs and special body preparations to help preserve the bodies of their dead. Yet, no process or products have been devised to preserve a body in the grave indefinitely. The Funeral Rule prohibits funeral providers from telling you that it can be done. For example, funeral providers may not claim that either embalming or a particular type of casket will preserve the body of the deceased for an unlimited time.
Cemetery Sites
When you are purchasing a cemetery plot, consider the location of the cemetery and whether it meets the requirements of your family's religion. Other considerations include what, if any, restrictions the cemetery places on burial vaults purchased elsewhere, the type of monuments or memorials it allows, and whether flowers or other remembrances may be placed on graves.
Cost is another consideration. Cemetery plots can be expensive, especially in metropolitan areas. Most, but not all, cemeteries require you to purchase a grave liner, which will cost several hundred dollars. Note that there are charges - usually hundreds of dollars - to open a grave for interment and additional charges to fill it in. Perpetual care on a cemetery plot sometimes is included in the purchase price, but it's important to clarify that point before you buy the site or service. If it's not included, look for a separate endowment care fee for maintenance and groundskeeping.
If you plan to bury your loved one's cremated remains in a mausoleum or columbarium, you can expect to purchase a crypt and pay opening and closing fees, as well as charges for endowment care and other services. The FTC's Funeral Rule does not cover cemeteries and mausoleums unless they sell both funeral goods and funeral services, so be cautious in making your purchase to ensure that you receive all pertinent price and other information, and that you're being dealt with fairly.
Veterans Cemeteries
All veterans are entitled to a free burial in a national cemetery and a grave marker. This eligibility also extends to some civilians who have provided military-related service and some Public Health Service personnel. Spouses and dependent children also are entitled to a lot and marker when buried in a national cemetery. There are no charges for opening or closing the grave, for a vault or liner, or for setting the marker in a national cemetery. The family generally is responsible for other expenses, including transportation to the cemetery. For more information, visit the Department of Veterans Affairs' website at www.cem.va.gov. To reach the regional Veterans office in your area, call 1-800-827-1000 .
In addition, many states have established state veterans cemeteries. Eligibility requirements and other details vary. Contact your state for more information.
Beware of commercial cemeteries that advertise so-called "veterans' specials." These cemeteries sometimes offer a free plot for the veteran, but charge exorbitant rates for an adjoining plot for the spouse, as well as high fees for opening and closing each grave. Evaluate the bottom-line cost to be sure the special is as special as you may be led to believe.
For More Information
Most states have a licensing board that regulates the funeral industry. You may contact the board in your state for information or help. If you want additional information about making funeral arrangements and the options available, you may want to contact interested business, professional and consumer groups. Some of the biggest are:
AARP Fulfillment 601 E Street, NW Washington, DC 20049 1-800-424-3410
http://www.aarp.org%20/AARP is a nonprofit, nonpartisan organization dedicated to helping older Americans achieve lives of independence, dignity and purpose. Its publications, Funeral Goods and Services and Pre-Paying for Your Funeral, are available free by writing to the above address. This and other funeral-related information is posted on the AARP website.
Council of Better Business Bureaus, Inc. 4200 Wilson Blvd., Suite 800 Arlington, VA 22203-1838 http://www.bbb.org/Better Business Bureaus are private, nonprofit organizations that promote ethical business standards and voluntary self-regulation of business practices.
Funeral Consumers Alliance 33 Patchen RoadSouth Burlington, VT 054031-800-765-0107 http://www.funerals.org%20/FCA, a nonprofit, educational organization that supports increased funeral consumer protection, is affiliated with the Funeral and Memorial Society of America (FAMSA).
Cremation Association of North America 401 North Michigan Avenue Chicago, IL 60611 (312) 644-6610 http://www.funerals.org%20/ CANA is an association of crematories, cemeteries and funeral homes that offer cremation.
International Cemetery and Funeral Association 1895 Preston White Drive, Suite 220 Reston, VA 20191 1-800-645-7700 http://www.icfa.org/ ICFA is a nonprofit association of cemeteries, funeral homes, crematories and monument retailers that offers informal mediation of consumer complaints through its Cemetery Consumer Service Council. Its website provides information and advice under "Consumer Resources."
International Order of the Golden Rule 13523 Lakefront Drive St. Louis, MO 63045 1-800-637-8030 http://www.ogr.org%20/OGR is an international association of about 1,300 independent funeral homes.
Jewish Funeral Directors of America Seaport Landing 150 Lynnway, Suite 506 Lynn, MA 01902 (781) 477-9300 http://www.jfda.org%20/ JFDA is an international association of funeral homes serving the Jewish community.
National Funeral Directors Association 13625 Bishop's Drive Brookfield, WI 53005 1-800-228-6332 http://www.nfda.org/resources NFDA is the largest educational and professional association of funeral directors.
National Funeral Directors and Morticians Association 3951 Snapfinger Parkway, Suite 570 Decatur, GA 30035 1-800-434-0958 http://www.nfdma.com/ NFDMA is a national association primarily of African-American funeral providers.
Selected Independent Funeral Homes500 Lake Cook Road, Suite 205Deerfield, Illinois 600151-800-323-4219 http://www.selectedfuneralhomes.org/ Selected Independent Funeral Homes is an international association of funeral firms that have agreed to comply with its Code of Good Funeral Practice. Consumers may request a variety of publications through the association's affiliate, Selected Resources, Inc.
Funeral Service Consumer Assistance Program PO Box 486 Elm Grove, WI 53122-0486 1-800-662-7666 FSCAP is a nonprofit consumer service designed to help people understand funeral service and related topics and to help them resolve funeral service concerns. FSCAP service representatives and an intervener assist consumers in identifying needs, addressing complaints and resolving problems. Free brochures on funeral related topics are available.
Funeral Service Educational Foundation 13625 Bishop's Drive Brookfield, WI 53005 1-877-402-5900 FSEF is a nonprofit foundation dedicated to advancing professionalism in funeral service and to enhancing public knowledge and understanding through education and research.
Solving Problems
If you have a problem concerning funeral matters, it's best to try to resolve it first with the funeral director. If you are dissatisfied, the Funeral Consumer's Alliance may be able to advise you on how best to resolve your issue. You also can contact your state or local consumer protection agencies listed in your telephone book, or the Funeral Service Consumer Assistance Program.
You can file a complaint with the FTC by contacting the Consumer Response Center by phone, toll-free, at 1-877-FTC-HELP (382-4357); TDD: 1-866-653-4261 ; by mail: Consumer Response Center, Federal Trade Commission, 600 Pennsylvania Avenue, NW, Washington, DC 20580; or on the Internet at http://www.ftc.gov/, using the online complaint form. Although the Commission cannot resolve individual problems for consumers, it can act against a company if it sees a pattern of possible law violations.
Planning for a Funeral
Shop around in advance. Compare prices from at least two funeral homes. Remember that you can supply your own casket or urn.
Ask for a price list. The law requires funeral homes to give you written price lists for products and services.
Resist pressure to buy goods and services you don't really want or need.
Avoid emotional overspending. It's not necessary to have the fanciest casket or the most elaborate funeral to properly honor a loved one.
Recognize your rights.
Laws regarding funerals and burials vary from state to state. It's a smart move to know which goods or services the law requires you to purchase and which are optional.
Apply the same smart shopping techniques you use for other major purchases. You can cut costs by limiting the viewing to one day or one hour before the funeral, and by dressing your loved one in a favorite outfit instead of costly burial clothing.
Plan ahead. It allows you to comparison shop without time constraints, creates an opportunity for family discussion, and lifts some of the burden from your family.
Prices to Check
Make copies of this page and check with several funeral homes to compare costs.
"Simple" disposition of the remains:
Immediate burial
Immediate cremation
If the cremation process is extra, how much is it?
Donation of the body to a medical school or hospital
"Traditional," full-service burial or cremation:
Basic services fee for the funeral director and staff
Pickup of body
Embalming
Other preparation of body
Least expensive casket
Description, including model #
Outer Burial Container (vault)
Description
Visitation/viewing — staff and facilities
Funeral or memorial service — staff and facilities
Graveside service, including staff and equipment
Hearse
Other vehicles
Total
Other Services:
Forwarding body to another funeral home
Receiving body from another funeral home
Other Services:
Cost of lot or crypt (if you don’t already own one)
Perpetual care
Opening and closing the grave or crypt
Grave liner, if required
Marker/monument (including setup)
GLOSSARY OF TERMS
Courtesy of the California Department of Consumer Affairs, Cemetery and Funeral Bureau
Alternative Container: An unfinished wood box or other non-metal receptacle without ornamentation, often made of fiberboard, pressed wood or composition materials, and generally lower in cost than caskets.
Casket/Coffin: A box or chest for burying remains.
Cemetery Property: A grave, crypt or niche.
Cemetery Services: Opening and closing graves, crypts or niches; setting grave liners and vaults; setting markers; and long-term maintenance of cemetery grounds and facilities.
Columbarium: A structure with niches (small spaces) for placing cremated remains in urns or other approved containers. It may be outdoors or part of a mausoleum.
Cremation: Exposing remains and the container encasing them to extreme heat and flame and processing the resulting bone fragments to a uniform size and consistency.
Crypt: A space in a mausoleum or other building to hold cremated or whole remains.
Disposition: The placement of cremated or whole remains in their final resting place.
Endowment Care Fund: Money collected from cemetery property purchasers and placed in trust for the maintenance and upkeep of the cemetery.
Entombment: Burial in a mausoleum. Funeral Ceremony A service commemorating the deceased, with the body present.
Funeral Services: Services provided by a funeral director and staff, which may include consulting with the family on funeral planning; transportation, shelter, refrigeration and embalming of remains; preparing and filing notices; obtaining authorizations and permits; and coordinating with the cemetery, crematory or other third parties.
Funeral Planning Society: See Memorial Society.
Grave: A space in the ground in a cemetery for the burial of remains.
Grave Liner or A concrete: cover that fits over a casket in a grave. Some liners cover tops and sides of the casket. Others, referred to as vaults, completely enclose the casket. Grave liners minimize ground settling.
Graveside Service: A service to commemorate the deceased held at the cemetery before burial.
Interment: Burial in the ground, inurnment or entombment.
Inurnment: The placing of cremated remains in an urn.
Mausoleum: A building in which remains are buried or entombed.
Memorial Service: A ceremony commemorating the deceased, without the body present.
Memorial Society: An organization that provides information about funerals and disposition, but is not part of the state-regulated funeral industry.
Niche: A space in a columbarium, mausoleum or niche wall to hold an urn.
Urn: A container to hold cremated remains. It can be placed in a columbarium or mausoleum, or buried in the ground.
Vault: A grave liner that completely encloses a casket.
The FTC works for the consumer to prevent fraudulent, deceptive and unfair business practices in the marketplace and to provide information to help consumers spot, stop, and avoid them. To file a complaint or to get free information on consumer issues, visit http://www.ftc.gov/ or call toll-free, 1-877-FTC-HELP (1-877-382-4357 ); TTY: 1-866-653-4261 .
The FTC enters Internet, telemarketing, identity theft, and other fraud-related complaints into Consumer Sentinel, a secure, online database available to hundreds of civil and criminal law enforcement agencies in the U.S. and abroad.
June 2000
Setting A Location For A Funeral Or Memorial Service
A fitting location for a funeral or memorial service is important to establishing the right mood for the celebration intended to honor the life of the deceased as well as to show our respects to the living. Every end-of-life plan should consider the attitudes, personality and lifestyle of the departed and the intended invitees at the celebration. For those such as myself who are not wealthy, except in spirit, we should also consider the costs associated with the venue.
After many years of high-powered, intense, beat-my-head-against-the-wall living, I now live my life in a much more informal and relaxed manner. Consequently, I personally prefer the thought of a memorial service in a private residence, fraternal organization, community building or a park.
I want nothing to do with a funeral home setting after my departure. The funeral director will be in charge of publishing my obituary in accord with my instructions, providing death certificates, et cetera, but the range of services used will be narrow compared to the services offered.
I respect funeral directors and the important services they provide, and I will use their services for removal of my body from my place of death to the crematory; however, I do not want their involvement in the funeral service itself.
A beautiful park environment would be a joyful place for an end of life celebration. I do not have enough friends who would want to attend a large memorial service, and my friends and family would be more comfortable in a relaxed, informal setting. Personally, unless I consider someone to be a friend or close acquaintance, their attendance at my memorial service is not required.
For those who live a more formal lifestyle, a church, synagogue, mosque, temple or other place of worship would be an ideal place for a public gathering. For the famous, a large amphitheater is an option for those who are society's version of aristrocrats and nobility.
Setting a location for a funeral or memorial service should always take into account the wishes of the decedent, his or her lifestyle, and the comfort of those who will be attending.
Burton Fletcher
www.USAMonuments.com
Burton@USAMonuments.com
Copyright, 2006. All Rights Reserved.
After many years of high-powered, intense, beat-my-head-against-the-wall living, I now live my life in a much more informal and relaxed manner. Consequently, I personally prefer the thought of a memorial service in a private residence, fraternal organization, community building or a park.
I want nothing to do with a funeral home setting after my departure. The funeral director will be in charge of publishing my obituary in accord with my instructions, providing death certificates, et cetera, but the range of services used will be narrow compared to the services offered.
I respect funeral directors and the important services they provide, and I will use their services for removal of my body from my place of death to the crematory; however, I do not want their involvement in the funeral service itself.
A beautiful park environment would be a joyful place for an end of life celebration. I do not have enough friends who would want to attend a large memorial service, and my friends and family would be more comfortable in a relaxed, informal setting. Personally, unless I consider someone to be a friend or close acquaintance, their attendance at my memorial service is not required.
For those who live a more formal lifestyle, a church, synagogue, mosque, temple or other place of worship would be an ideal place for a public gathering. For the famous, a large amphitheater is an option for those who are society's version of aristrocrats and nobility.
Setting a location for a funeral or memorial service should always take into account the wishes of the decedent, his or her lifestyle, and the comfort of those who will be attending.
Burton Fletcher
www.USAMonuments.com
Burton@USAMonuments.com
Copyright, 2006. All Rights Reserved.
Recognize Mental Illness And Recommend Treatment
I read the post of a monument builder on another website and this person launched into an angry, insulting and immature attack on another member. It was obvious that the attacker has mental-health issues that will harm his performance in the death-care industry, where serving others is paramount.
Mental illness is pervasive in our society, and often the mentally ill do not receive the treatment that they need and deserve. If you see someone with excessive anger issues, then please recommend that the person receive the assistance of mental-health professionals. Today, thanks to American pharmacological prowess, many previously untreatable illnesses can be treated and controlled.
If you recognize that you have problems with controlling your excessive anger, then rather than taking out your anger on others, destroying the lives of others, and yourself, then please seek help so you will not only live long, but live well. After all, it is the right thing to do. May God bless you!
Burton Fletcher
http://www.usamonuments.com/
Burton@USAMonuments.com
Mental illness is pervasive in our society, and often the mentally ill do not receive the treatment that they need and deserve. If you see someone with excessive anger issues, then please recommend that the person receive the assistance of mental-health professionals. Today, thanks to American pharmacological prowess, many previously untreatable illnesses can be treated and controlled.
If you recognize that you have problems with controlling your excessive anger, then rather than taking out your anger on others, destroying the lives of others, and yourself, then please seek help so you will not only live long, but live well. After all, it is the right thing to do. May God bless you!
Burton Fletcher
http://www.usamonuments.com/
Burton@USAMonuments.com
Thursday, December 21, 2006
Georgia Bureau of Investigation Project
We created a beautiful bronze memorial for the Georgia Bureau of Investigation. The accolades have been numerous and the following epitomizes the efforts invested in projects.
"Ya'll did an excellent job...we have been looking at it all day. We had our office Christmas party today and personnel from the district attorneys office and the drug task force for our area were here admiring the plaque.
I never dreamed it would look so good. And the picture looks just like Glen... Thanks for all of your hard work...I know we are a pain to work with...Thanks again."
Actually, the GBI were delightful clients and very enjoyable. It is inspiring to receive the accolades from our clients. Every company should strive for excellence!
In the near future, we will post a photo of this beautiful bronze memorial dedication plaque on our website. Please view www.ValdostaMemorials.com at http://www.valdostamemorials.com/monuments/Copyrighted/CopyrightDesigns.asp.
Burton Fletcher
www.USAMonuments.com
Burton@USAMonuments.com
"Ya'll did an excellent job...we have been looking at it all day. We had our office Christmas party today and personnel from the district attorneys office and the drug task force for our area were here admiring the plaque.
I never dreamed it would look so good. And the picture looks just like Glen... Thanks for all of your hard work...I know we are a pain to work with...Thanks again."
Actually, the GBI were delightful clients and very enjoyable. It is inspiring to receive the accolades from our clients. Every company should strive for excellence!
In the near future, we will post a photo of this beautiful bronze memorial dedication plaque on our website. Please view www.ValdostaMemorials.com at http://www.valdostamemorials.com/monuments/Copyrighted/CopyrightDesigns.asp.
Burton Fletcher
www.USAMonuments.com
Burton@USAMonuments.com
Who Will Write Your Final Cut?
I was watching “The Final Cut,” a science fiction drama starring Robin Williams, Mira Sorvino and James Caviezel. As a memorialist, I particularly enjoyed this film.
First-time filmmaker Omar Naim writes and directs the science fiction drama The Final Cut. The movie is set in the near future. The story concerns a microchip that is capable of recording a person's entire life. Robin Williams plays Alan Hakman, an editor who cuts together the footage to make pleasant movies for funerals.
The film has a theme that 1 in 20 people have memory chips and Williams’ character, known as “a cutter,” assembles categories of memory, e.g., family, career, community, et cetera. At the end of people’s lives, the editor assembles the best of the life stories, careful to delete footage that reflects the sins of mortal men and women.
For most of us, a diary or journal is as close to a memory chip as we will ever have. We can be honest to the degree that our characters will allow, and we can be as complete or incomplete as we desire.
Everyone has a story and, for most people, their story will die with them, except as preserved in the memories of others or through a memorial or family history. Our memories are encrypted in the minds of others and this data can be reached through personal interviews, perhaps using the Family History Questionnaire.
I am a big proponent of our Family History Questionnaire, http://www.valdostamemorials.com/family_history_questionnaire.htm to interview relatives before they pass away.
I am also a strong advocate for the use of Life History Plaques (SM) to memorialize our lives and the lives of others as part of the cemetery monument. See, http://www.valdostamemorials.com/LifeHistoryPlaques.asp.
One line in the film states word to the effect that “it is for the greater good that your life mean something.” That is a thought that everyone should reflect upon.
If you want your life to mean something, and everyone should aspire to leave the world better because of their actions, then the Family History Questionnaire and the Life History Plaques (SM) are excellent starting points for documenting your family history.
Preserve your family history; after all, centuries from now, the only knowledge of your family may be what you, yourself, preserve. Just do it, and do it now; after all, it is the right thing to do. Besides, this may be your only opportunity to do your own final cut!
Oh, “the Final Cut” is a fine movie for anyone, but especially enjoyable for anyone in the death-care industry.
Burton Fletcher
www.USAMonuments.com
Burton@USAMonuments.com
Copyright, 2006. All Rights Reserved.
First-time filmmaker Omar Naim writes and directs the science fiction drama The Final Cut. The movie is set in the near future. The story concerns a microchip that is capable of recording a person's entire life. Robin Williams plays Alan Hakman, an editor who cuts together the footage to make pleasant movies for funerals.
The film has a theme that 1 in 20 people have memory chips and Williams’ character, known as “a cutter,” assembles categories of memory, e.g., family, career, community, et cetera. At the end of people’s lives, the editor assembles the best of the life stories, careful to delete footage that reflects the sins of mortal men and women.
For most of us, a diary or journal is as close to a memory chip as we will ever have. We can be honest to the degree that our characters will allow, and we can be as complete or incomplete as we desire.
Everyone has a story and, for most people, their story will die with them, except as preserved in the memories of others or through a memorial or family history. Our memories are encrypted in the minds of others and this data can be reached through personal interviews, perhaps using the Family History Questionnaire.
I am a big proponent of our Family History Questionnaire, http://www.valdostamemorials.com/family_history_questionnaire.htm to interview relatives before they pass away.
I am also a strong advocate for the use of Life History Plaques (SM) to memorialize our lives and the lives of others as part of the cemetery monument. See, http://www.valdostamemorials.com/LifeHistoryPlaques.asp.
One line in the film states word to the effect that “it is for the greater good that your life mean something.” That is a thought that everyone should reflect upon.
If you want your life to mean something, and everyone should aspire to leave the world better because of their actions, then the Family History Questionnaire and the Life History Plaques (SM) are excellent starting points for documenting your family history.
Preserve your family history; after all, centuries from now, the only knowledge of your family may be what you, yourself, preserve. Just do it, and do it now; after all, it is the right thing to do. Besides, this may be your only opportunity to do your own final cut!
Oh, “the Final Cut” is a fine movie for anyone, but especially enjoyable for anyone in the death-care industry.
Burton Fletcher
www.USAMonuments.com
Burton@USAMonuments.com
Copyright, 2006. All Rights Reserved.
Tuesday, December 19, 2006
Random Thoughts On The Loss Of Our Pet Friends/Rainbow Bridge
I'm a softie when it comes to animals. I can't help it, but I'm a pet person through and through. How about you?
I love my pets so much that I built a memorial to honor our pets and the memorial is in the Fletcher Family Memorial Plots at McAlpin, Florida.
The following poem is touching and I hope it gives comfort to some of my readers. I hope that all of us will have an opportunity to cross the Rainbow Bridge with our beloved pet friends.
Burton Fletcher
www.USAMonuments.com
Burton@USAMonuments.com
Rainbow Bridge
Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge. When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge. There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together. There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.
All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor. Those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by. The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing: they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.
They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent. His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.
You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.
Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together…
Author unknown
I love my pets so much that I built a memorial to honor our pets and the memorial is in the Fletcher Family Memorial Plots at McAlpin, Florida.
The following poem is touching and I hope it gives comfort to some of my readers. I hope that all of us will have an opportunity to cross the Rainbow Bridge with our beloved pet friends.
Burton Fletcher
www.USAMonuments.com
Burton@USAMonuments.com
Rainbow Bridge
Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge. When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge. There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together. There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.
All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor. Those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by. The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing: they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.
They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent. His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.
You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.
Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together…
Author unknown
Sunday, December 17, 2006
Are You Interested In Becoming A Funeral Director?
Have you ever thought about becoming a funeral director?
If I were chosing a career again, I might consider this profession as I am a caring sort who enjoys working with people. If you have a son or daughter who is undecided about a career path, the following URL may be a good starting point to stimulate a discussion. http://www.bls.gov/oco/ocos011.htm
The site indicates that the traits necessary to succeed as a funeral director are:
"Important personal traits for funeral directors are composure, tact, and the ability to communicate easily with the public. Funeral directors also should have the desire and ability to comfort people in a time of sorrow." These are important personal traits for all of us to aspire. These same traits are useful in the monument business.
Burton Fletcher
www.USAMonuments.com
Burton@USAMonuments.com
If I were chosing a career again, I might consider this profession as I am a caring sort who enjoys working with people. If you have a son or daughter who is undecided about a career path, the following URL may be a good starting point to stimulate a discussion. http://www.bls.gov/oco/ocos011.htm
The site indicates that the traits necessary to succeed as a funeral director are:
"Important personal traits for funeral directors are composure, tact, and the ability to communicate easily with the public. Funeral directors also should have the desire and ability to comfort people in a time of sorrow." These are important personal traits for all of us to aspire. These same traits are useful in the monument business.
Burton Fletcher
www.USAMonuments.com
Burton@USAMonuments.com
Conflict And The Potential For Violence During Burial Rituals
Today, I received an email that stimulated my thoughts on the potential for conflict among family members, and others, during burial rituals, from last rites, through a viewing in a funeral home to funerals.
Violence At The Funeral Home or The Funeral
Two of my cousins engaged in a fight at the funeral home when their father died. Naturally, emotions run high at the time of death of a close member of the family and previous animosities may or may not be pushed into the background as individuals jockey for influence and decision making in the burial proceedings.
Some folks are mentally ill, others are violent, while others harbor strong animous over real or imagined offenses. Everyone is a potential victim of someone seeking to do harm to others. Everyone knows someone who is a ticking timebomb of sorts.
If There Is A Potential For Violence, Precautions Should Be Taken
One thing is for certain, if there is a potential for conflict, funeral home management and the police should be forewarned and proper preparations should be in place. It should also be clear in advance as to who the decision makers will be in the burial rituals.
Conflict After Remarriage
My mother remarried after my father died. Her new husband's ex-wife approached my mother at a funeral the one time they met, introduced herself, and then boldly asserted to my mother and her husband that she (the first wife) was the first and best wife my mother's husband would ever have. Apparently, my mother and her husband see the world much differently than the former wife. Still, this was a time for potential conflict.
I recently read an article where a former wife took over the viewing of the deceased, with display boards with a great quantity of photos of herself and the deceased former husband giving a false impression that she was the widow of the deceased, substantially offending the second wife who had a short-term marriage to the deceased husband. How should such situations be handled? Delicately, of course; however, my advice would be that divorce terminates the rights of the former spouse who should not be allowed to usurp the proceedings. The first wife should only act with the permission of, and the good graces of the subsequent spouse.
If Animosity Preexisted Death, Then Preparations Should Be Made
Everyone knows someone who strongly dislikes someone else in the family. If folks do not get along during times of calm, how can anyone expect these same persons to get along during times of high stress with inherent potential for volatile emotions. There are some events in life that pull families to the same locations, e.g., weddings, hospitals and funerals. Adequate security should always be in place for private or public events. The key word is "adequate" and the need will vary depending on the risks inherent in the situation.
The Responsibility Of The Living
If you love your family, I believe the living have responsibility to make preparations to communicate the potential conflict to the funeral home. Likewise, funeral personnel must ask the hard questions as a matter of practice.
If the funeral home can produce written instructions, from the deceased, that clearly identify the potential problems with written pre-need instructions potential conflict can be identified and reduced.
Invitations and Disinvitations
It may be necessary to disinvite certain individuals from private or public events. Fortunately, laws are being enacted that tighten control for public events.
If someone has a high propensity for violence, I see nothing wrong with placing restrictions on that person, either through a disinvitation that would bar the person from private or public events.
No one should be allowed to disrupt the peace at funeral proceedings either by loud, unruly talk, threats, or assaultive conduct. Anyone barred from private or public proceedings can be arrested should they attempt to trespass onto private property.
Security:
I see nothing wrong with hiring security personnel for funeral proceedings. Uniformed police can be visible or close by ready for intervention. Non-uniformed security can patrol or even stand close to potential victims, or potential aggressors, to provide protection for anyone who might be the victim of violence.
If there are family members with a history of violence, then those individuals may need to be banned. Likewise, less apparent threats may require separation of visitors through limiting access, view at specific times, or even privately searching potential threats. In this day and age of easy access to firearms, and violence, it may even be necessary to use metal detectors to prevent the carrying of concealed weapons.
The Standard Is Foreseeability
The standard should be foreseeability. If violence is foreseeable, then precautions must be taken.
If there is an argument inside the funeral home, then it is foreseeable that a participant, or even a family member, may go to their vehicle, retrieve a weapon, and seek revenge on other participants or families of those involved in the conflict. Everyone deserves to live in a safe environment.
The Potential For Violence Always Exists
It is my view that there is always potential for violence and the funeral director should take affirmative steps to inquire in advance of potential opportunities for conflict. It is a cliche to say "an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure," however, it is also true.
Burton Fletcher
www.USAMonuments.com
Burton@USAMonuments.com
Violence At The Funeral Home or The Funeral
Two of my cousins engaged in a fight at the funeral home when their father died. Naturally, emotions run high at the time of death of a close member of the family and previous animosities may or may not be pushed into the background as individuals jockey for influence and decision making in the burial proceedings.
Some folks are mentally ill, others are violent, while others harbor strong animous over real or imagined offenses. Everyone is a potential victim of someone seeking to do harm to others. Everyone knows someone who is a ticking timebomb of sorts.
If There Is A Potential For Violence, Precautions Should Be Taken
One thing is for certain, if there is a potential for conflict, funeral home management and the police should be forewarned and proper preparations should be in place. It should also be clear in advance as to who the decision makers will be in the burial rituals.
Conflict After Remarriage
My mother remarried after my father died. Her new husband's ex-wife approached my mother at a funeral the one time they met, introduced herself, and then boldly asserted to my mother and her husband that she (the first wife) was the first and best wife my mother's husband would ever have. Apparently, my mother and her husband see the world much differently than the former wife. Still, this was a time for potential conflict.
I recently read an article where a former wife took over the viewing of the deceased, with display boards with a great quantity of photos of herself and the deceased former husband giving a false impression that she was the widow of the deceased, substantially offending the second wife who had a short-term marriage to the deceased husband. How should such situations be handled? Delicately, of course; however, my advice would be that divorce terminates the rights of the former spouse who should not be allowed to usurp the proceedings. The first wife should only act with the permission of, and the good graces of the subsequent spouse.
If Animosity Preexisted Death, Then Preparations Should Be Made
Everyone knows someone who strongly dislikes someone else in the family. If folks do not get along during times of calm, how can anyone expect these same persons to get along during times of high stress with inherent potential for volatile emotions. There are some events in life that pull families to the same locations, e.g., weddings, hospitals and funerals. Adequate security should always be in place for private or public events. The key word is "adequate" and the need will vary depending on the risks inherent in the situation.
The Responsibility Of The Living
If you love your family, I believe the living have responsibility to make preparations to communicate the potential conflict to the funeral home. Likewise, funeral personnel must ask the hard questions as a matter of practice.
If the funeral home can produce written instructions, from the deceased, that clearly identify the potential problems with written pre-need instructions potential conflict can be identified and reduced.
Invitations and Disinvitations
It may be necessary to disinvite certain individuals from private or public events. Fortunately, laws are being enacted that tighten control for public events.
If someone has a high propensity for violence, I see nothing wrong with placing restrictions on that person, either through a disinvitation that would bar the person from private or public events.
No one should be allowed to disrupt the peace at funeral proceedings either by loud, unruly talk, threats, or assaultive conduct. Anyone barred from private or public proceedings can be arrested should they attempt to trespass onto private property.
Security:
I see nothing wrong with hiring security personnel for funeral proceedings. Uniformed police can be visible or close by ready for intervention. Non-uniformed security can patrol or even stand close to potential victims, or potential aggressors, to provide protection for anyone who might be the victim of violence.
If there are family members with a history of violence, then those individuals may need to be banned. Likewise, less apparent threats may require separation of visitors through limiting access, view at specific times, or even privately searching potential threats. In this day and age of easy access to firearms, and violence, it may even be necessary to use metal detectors to prevent the carrying of concealed weapons.
The Standard Is Foreseeability
The standard should be foreseeability. If violence is foreseeable, then precautions must be taken.
If there is an argument inside the funeral home, then it is foreseeable that a participant, or even a family member, may go to their vehicle, retrieve a weapon, and seek revenge on other participants or families of those involved in the conflict. Everyone deserves to live in a safe environment.
The Potential For Violence Always Exists
It is my view that there is always potential for violence and the funeral director should take affirmative steps to inquire in advance of potential opportunities for conflict. It is a cliche to say "an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure," however, it is also true.
Burton Fletcher
www.USAMonuments.com
Burton@USAMonuments.com
Saturday, December 16, 2006
End Of Life Plans: Viewing Or Non-Viewing Of The Deceased's Body
Recently, I attended the preburial viewing for a gentleman whom I grew up with in a small Northcentral Florida farm community.
Upon arrival at the funeral home, I signed in, looked around for the family whom I know, but did not immediately see, and I then proceeded to walk down the aisle to view the body. "Gee, he looks old," I thought, as I viewed the cancer-ravaged body of a man who was slightly younger than myself.
The viewing of my body is one ritual that I do not want any part of when I die. I do not want anyone looking at my body in a casket, scrutinizing my body, face, hair, fingernails, neatness of my facial hair, or whatever else it is that folks notice about persons who are dead.
I would not want that scrutiny why I am alive and I certainly do not want that scrutiny after my death. Please remember me as I was during my life.
I recall viewing the body of a former roommate in California who had been the assistant manager for a Bob's Big Boy. Sadly, he was murdered by robbers. As his body lay in the casket, I saw blood beneath his fingernails! Surely the mortician could have cleaned his fingernails!
As a boy, I recall the ritual of attending a "wake" for my grandfather, Burton Eugene Fletcher. His casket was in the living room of the family home and folks were eating in the same room during his last night on this earth.
We did the same for my Great Uncle Burton Mobley, the brother of Ethel Mobley Fletcher, my grandmother, though he had committed suicide some 9 months or so before his body was delivered to the family. Fortunately, a detective had taken the effort to track down Uncle Burt's family before his body was disposed of as abandoned or perhaps buried in a pauper's grave.
Thankfully, the ritual of the wake seems to have passed away for many folk. I hope the ritual of viewing the body will also pass away. If you tell me someone died, I am going to believe you. I do not need to see the body to believe you!
I often hear comments about the appearance of the dead like, "he looked so natural," or "he did not look good," et cetera. In essence, the mortician can do a good or a bad job with the appearance of the deceased. The art of the mortician is a talent to be admired, but it is also an effort that I would argue should be less common.
I recall watching a rerun of "Six Feet Under," an HBO program that I loved for its wacky look at the funeral-home business, with a segment in which Lucy was secretly taking photos for an art project. Lucy took beautiful photos of the deceased patrons as they lay in repose in the caskets at the family funeral home.
I have made it very, very clear to my family that I want to be cremated upon death, and I do not want a public viewing of my body. If I die in the hospital, I want my immediate family to have a brief opportunity to view my body in its natural state--without makeup. Then, I want my body taken directly to the crematory for processing. Period.
A memorial service is optional and I can forego that ritual as well. I have my urn and my monument and I have given clear instructions as to my end-of-life wishes. Do you hear me family?
Now, I certaily respect the wishes of others who desire to have a funeral or a memorial service, with or without a cremation or traditional burial; however, I hope my own views should be respected--and followed.
The death ritual should fulfill my wishes and whatever your own thoughts, shouldn't I have the ultimate say? I am of sound mind and I have made my wishes abundantly clear, so dear family, please honor me by following MY wishes.
Dearest family, please remember that I do not want a viewing of my remains in a church, funeral home or graveside service. Instead, should you desire to hold a memorial service, I suggest that you use a large oil painting that portrays my life some 15 years or so ago. That will be enough.
Also, please remember that I have already written my obituary and you will find copies in print and MS Word and .rtf formats on a disc in my file at the funeral home. I have shown my love for my family by planning the necessary activities that conclude my life. I love you dear family, now please honor my wishes.
Burton Fletcher
www.USAMonuments.com
Burton@USAMonuments.com
Upon arrival at the funeral home, I signed in, looked around for the family whom I know, but did not immediately see, and I then proceeded to walk down the aisle to view the body. "Gee, he looks old," I thought, as I viewed the cancer-ravaged body of a man who was slightly younger than myself.
The viewing of my body is one ritual that I do not want any part of when I die. I do not want anyone looking at my body in a casket, scrutinizing my body, face, hair, fingernails, neatness of my facial hair, or whatever else it is that folks notice about persons who are dead.
I would not want that scrutiny why I am alive and I certainly do not want that scrutiny after my death. Please remember me as I was during my life.
I recall viewing the body of a former roommate in California who had been the assistant manager for a Bob's Big Boy. Sadly, he was murdered by robbers. As his body lay in the casket, I saw blood beneath his fingernails! Surely the mortician could have cleaned his fingernails!
As a boy, I recall the ritual of attending a "wake" for my grandfather, Burton Eugene Fletcher. His casket was in the living room of the family home and folks were eating in the same room during his last night on this earth.
We did the same for my Great Uncle Burton Mobley, the brother of Ethel Mobley Fletcher, my grandmother, though he had committed suicide some 9 months or so before his body was delivered to the family. Fortunately, a detective had taken the effort to track down Uncle Burt's family before his body was disposed of as abandoned or perhaps buried in a pauper's grave.
Thankfully, the ritual of the wake seems to have passed away for many folk. I hope the ritual of viewing the body will also pass away. If you tell me someone died, I am going to believe you. I do not need to see the body to believe you!
I often hear comments about the appearance of the dead like, "he looked so natural," or "he did not look good," et cetera. In essence, the mortician can do a good or a bad job with the appearance of the deceased. The art of the mortician is a talent to be admired, but it is also an effort that I would argue should be less common.
I recall watching a rerun of "Six Feet Under," an HBO program that I loved for its wacky look at the funeral-home business, with a segment in which Lucy was secretly taking photos for an art project. Lucy took beautiful photos of the deceased patrons as they lay in repose in the caskets at the family funeral home.
I have made it very, very clear to my family that I want to be cremated upon death, and I do not want a public viewing of my body. If I die in the hospital, I want my immediate family to have a brief opportunity to view my body in its natural state--without makeup. Then, I want my body taken directly to the crematory for processing. Period.
A memorial service is optional and I can forego that ritual as well. I have my urn and my monument and I have given clear instructions as to my end-of-life wishes. Do you hear me family?
Now, I certaily respect the wishes of others who desire to have a funeral or a memorial service, with or without a cremation or traditional burial; however, I hope my own views should be respected--and followed.
The death ritual should fulfill my wishes and whatever your own thoughts, shouldn't I have the ultimate say? I am of sound mind and I have made my wishes abundantly clear, so dear family, please honor me by following MY wishes.
Dearest family, please remember that I do not want a viewing of my remains in a church, funeral home or graveside service. Instead, should you desire to hold a memorial service, I suggest that you use a large oil painting that portrays my life some 15 years or so ago. That will be enough.
Also, please remember that I have already written my obituary and you will find copies in print and MS Word and .rtf formats on a disc in my file at the funeral home. I have shown my love for my family by planning the necessary activities that conclude my life. I love you dear family, now please honor my wishes.
Burton Fletcher
www.USAMonuments.com
Burton@USAMonuments.com
Thursday, December 14, 2006
Cemetery Thefts: Extremely Bad Karma!
I was informed of a cemetery theft of bronze vases and I was reminded of a theft of an item at my father's grave earlier this year.
My father was a huge fan of the Florida Gators! He could recite statistics freely. His idea of fun was to watch videotapes of previous Florida-Florida State games, particularly those games in which the Gators won!
Dad had a sense of humor where he called one of his grandchildren "Gator." He loved his gators!
I thought it was only fitting after he passed on to leave a concrete gator with the University of Florida colors on his grave. Dad would have blushed with happiness were he alive to see the gift.
Unfortunately, someone stole the gift from my father's grave not long after the placement. If a cemetery item isn't tied down or marked, someone will steal it!
Earlier this year, I ordered two stars one for the Marine Corps and one for the Army. I plan to leave the Army star at Dad's grave and the Marine Corps star at my own memorial site. See articles 182 and 183 at http://www.valdostamemorials.com/articles/VMArticles10.asp for photos of my memorial. Plan ahead I say!
Anyway, I had both stars engraved at a trophy shop so they will hopefully not be stolen from the cemetery sites. You can see the stars on my website at http://www.valdostamemorials.com/USMetalCollection.asp. Folks love these stars and they are a great gift for any veteran.
Remember, cemetery thefts bring bad karma upon the thief and St. Peter is not going to be happy with anyone who seeks entry through the Pearly Gates with this mark on their character. Instill respect for the dead and a love for others by talking to your children and relatives about the importance of cemeteries and how the respect we show the dead reflects upon our values in our society. Just do it as you know it is the right thing to do!
Burton Fletcher
Burton@USAMonuments.com
www.USAMonuments.com
WDEF News 12-->
Published on WDEF (http://wdef.com/)
Couple Charged with Cemetery Thefts
By Larry Mack
Created Dec 13 2006 - 12:53pm
Authorities from two counties believe they've solved a rash of thefts from local cemeteries. 39-year-old Billy Joe and 34-year-old Bonnie Evans of Monroe County face theft charges for stealing bronze vases from cemeteries in both Monroe and Bradley Counties. Bradley detectives believe the couple stole 49-vases from the Sunset Memorial Cemetery between October 11th and November 3rd. The break in the case came when the owner of a Monroe County salvage business read about the thefts. He alerted deputies, when he realized some of the vases may have been sold at his business.
My father was a huge fan of the Florida Gators! He could recite statistics freely. His idea of fun was to watch videotapes of previous Florida-Florida State games, particularly those games in which the Gators won!
Dad had a sense of humor where he called one of his grandchildren "Gator." He loved his gators!
I thought it was only fitting after he passed on to leave a concrete gator with the University of Florida colors on his grave. Dad would have blushed with happiness were he alive to see the gift.
Unfortunately, someone stole the gift from my father's grave not long after the placement. If a cemetery item isn't tied down or marked, someone will steal it!
Earlier this year, I ordered two stars one for the Marine Corps and one for the Army. I plan to leave the Army star at Dad's grave and the Marine Corps star at my own memorial site. See articles 182 and 183 at http://www.valdostamemorials.com/articles/VMArticles10.asp for photos of my memorial. Plan ahead I say!
Anyway, I had both stars engraved at a trophy shop so they will hopefully not be stolen from the cemetery sites. You can see the stars on my website at http://www.valdostamemorials.com/USMetalCollection.asp. Folks love these stars and they are a great gift for any veteran.
Remember, cemetery thefts bring bad karma upon the thief and St. Peter is not going to be happy with anyone who seeks entry through the Pearly Gates with this mark on their character. Instill respect for the dead and a love for others by talking to your children and relatives about the importance of cemeteries and how the respect we show the dead reflects upon our values in our society. Just do it as you know it is the right thing to do!
Burton Fletcher
Burton@USAMonuments.com
www.USAMonuments.com
WDEF News 12-->
Published on WDEF (http://wdef.com/)
Couple Charged with Cemetery Thefts
By Larry Mack
Created Dec 13 2006 - 12:53pm
Authorities from two counties believe they've solved a rash of thefts from local cemeteries. 39-year-old Billy Joe and 34-year-old Bonnie Evans of Monroe County face theft charges for stealing bronze vases from cemeteries in both Monroe and Bradley Counties. Bradley detectives believe the couple stole 49-vases from the Sunset Memorial Cemetery between October 11th and November 3rd. The break in the case came when the owner of a Monroe County salvage business read about the thefts. He alerted deputies, when he realized some of the vases may have been sold at his business.
Wednesday, December 13, 2006
Do You Know Your Family History?
Do you know your family history? Few of us really know our family history, including myself. Sure, I know more of my family history than most people, but how much do we really know?
Part of my love for memorialization came from the dearth of facts that most cemetery monuments (can we really call them memorials?) provide. The cemetery is the source of information for the living. Genealogists study this information for clues to their past and this information alone can be very enlightening as one studies the dates as to the ages of the family members at the time of marriage, first birth, second birth and the like.
Unfortunately, many folks study genealogy but ignore the documentation of their own lives and the lives of the living. Certainly, there are exceptions; however, centuries from now I wonder if our ancestors will not be asking why our generation did not record more details about our lives.
As we study genealogy, in most cases, we only know the sketchiest of details. Who were these folks really? Obituaries often provide clues, especially when we read that "Mr. __________ was well respected. His funeral was attended by 1,500 mourners." A well-written obituary is an important source of information for both the living and for future generations. I have already written my obituary, have you? I encourage you to write your obituary and give instructions to the funeral home on your wishes at the time of your death.
We have a form on our website to assist your family in recording its family history. Please see http://www.valdostamemorials.com/family_history_questionnaire.htm. This form will assist you to interview the elders in your family before this source of information dies with the passing of your loved ones.
Do the right thing and document your family history. After all, it is the right thing to do.
Please pass along your comments to Burton@ValdostaMemorials.com as I enjoy hearing from my readers.
Burton Fletcher
www.USAMonuments.com
Part of my love for memorialization came from the dearth of facts that most cemetery monuments (can we really call them memorials?) provide. The cemetery is the source of information for the living. Genealogists study this information for clues to their past and this information alone can be very enlightening as one studies the dates as to the ages of the family members at the time of marriage, first birth, second birth and the like.
Unfortunately, many folks study genealogy but ignore the documentation of their own lives and the lives of the living. Certainly, there are exceptions; however, centuries from now I wonder if our ancestors will not be asking why our generation did not record more details about our lives.
As we study genealogy, in most cases, we only know the sketchiest of details. Who were these folks really? Obituaries often provide clues, especially when we read that "Mr. __________ was well respected. His funeral was attended by 1,500 mourners." A well-written obituary is an important source of information for both the living and for future generations. I have already written my obituary, have you? I encourage you to write your obituary and give instructions to the funeral home on your wishes at the time of your death.
We have a form on our website to assist your family in recording its family history. Please see http://www.valdostamemorials.com/family_history_questionnaire.htm. This form will assist you to interview the elders in your family before this source of information dies with the passing of your loved ones.
Do the right thing and document your family history. After all, it is the right thing to do.
Please pass along your comments to Burton@ValdostaMemorials.com as I enjoy hearing from my readers.
Burton Fletcher
www.USAMonuments.com
Tuesday, December 12, 2006
Life Is Short, So Make The Most Of It!
I received a message yesterday that went like this, "Robert passed away. His viewing will be ... and his funeral will be ... ."
Robert was younger than myself by less than a year. We grew up in the same Northcentral Florida farm community.
He was a smoker and heavy drinker, and those bad habits probably cost him his life as he died of cancer. Thanks to the early intervention of my parents, I never adopted the smoking habit.
Earlier this year, Robert was in "a bad accident" and during the recovery period, he learned that he had terminal cancer with "6 months to live." Three weeks later, Robert was dead.
In 1998, my father was informed that he had cancer and he had less than 3 months to live. In less than a week, he was dead.
During the years since my father's passing, I have often reflected on the ephemeral nature of life. We are here on this earth for only a very short time, so we might as well make the most of our existence. Each of us must decide for himself or herself how we will live our lives and what constitutes a meaningful existence for ourselves.
I have been blessed during my life with good friends. I would have had more friends if I had not dedicated so much effort to working. I am an admitted and unabashed workaholic. For myself, I can think of nothing more enjoyable than the creativity I exhibit through my work.
It is true that my life is not balanced, but I enjoy my life. I own a lovely home, in a beautiful neighborhood, in a safe and enjoyable community. I do not believe you need to have balance in your life if you are willing to accept the negatives that flow from that lack of balance. Great things are often developed by individuals who are anything but balanced.
When my time to leave this world arrives, I will be ready. I am not in a hurry to conclude my life, but I am ready for whatever the future may bring. With good fortune, I hope to have many more years of life ahead of me; however, I have observed that I have already outlived many of my high school classmates.
We can influence the length of our lives; however, short of suicide, an act all too sadly common, we do not know the exact day or time our lives will end. We awake each day not knowing whether that will be the final day of our lives.
Live right and be ready! Life is short, so make the most of it!
Please share your views with me by emailing me at Burton@ValdostaMemorials.com. I look forward to hearing from you.
Robert was younger than myself by less than a year. We grew up in the same Northcentral Florida farm community.
He was a smoker and heavy drinker, and those bad habits probably cost him his life as he died of cancer. Thanks to the early intervention of my parents, I never adopted the smoking habit.
Earlier this year, Robert was in "a bad accident" and during the recovery period, he learned that he had terminal cancer with "6 months to live." Three weeks later, Robert was dead.
In 1998, my father was informed that he had cancer and he had less than 3 months to live. In less than a week, he was dead.
During the years since my father's passing, I have often reflected on the ephemeral nature of life. We are here on this earth for only a very short time, so we might as well make the most of our existence. Each of us must decide for himself or herself how we will live our lives and what constitutes a meaningful existence for ourselves.
I have been blessed during my life with good friends. I would have had more friends if I had not dedicated so much effort to working. I am an admitted and unabashed workaholic. For myself, I can think of nothing more enjoyable than the creativity I exhibit through my work.
It is true that my life is not balanced, but I enjoy my life. I own a lovely home, in a beautiful neighborhood, in a safe and enjoyable community. I do not believe you need to have balance in your life if you are willing to accept the negatives that flow from that lack of balance. Great things are often developed by individuals who are anything but balanced.
When my time to leave this world arrives, I will be ready. I am not in a hurry to conclude my life, but I am ready for whatever the future may bring. With good fortune, I hope to have many more years of life ahead of me; however, I have observed that I have already outlived many of my high school classmates.
We can influence the length of our lives; however, short of suicide, an act all too sadly common, we do not know the exact day or time our lives will end. We awake each day not knowing whether that will be the final day of our lives.
Live right and be ready! Life is short, so make the most of it!
Please share your views with me by emailing me at Burton@ValdostaMemorials.com. I look forward to hearing from you.
Saturday, December 09, 2006
Pay It Forward!
A quick search of Yahoo.com will provide reminders and thoughts about the concept of “Pay It Forward,” as portrayed in the Warner Brothers movie starring Kevin Spacey, Helen Hunt, and Haley Joel Osment.
The Pay It Forward Foundation was developed by Catherine Ryan Hyde to bring the message from her novel to classrooms across the country.
The foundation was established in September 2000 to educate and inspire young students to realize that they can change the world, and provide them with opportunities to do so.
An Internet search of the terms "Pay It Forward" using http://www.Google.com, will provide ideas on how others practice the pay it forward concept to enrich the lives of others, and in the process, enrich their own lives.
My life has been enriched in many ways over the years as I have given generously to others. What we do for others lives on beyond our mortal existence in this world.
As an educator who taught business administration and law to more than 10,000 students over an academic career spanning more than two decades, I recall positively touching many lives during my journey through this existence we call life.
A life is not well lived unless it has touched others in a positive manner in some regard. Giving without any expectation of return is the most fulfilling of all gifts.
Please take a moment to remind others that our good deeds for others do change attitudes and improve the world in which we live. Take a moment and pay it forward! You will be glad you did!
Burton Fletcher
USAMonuments.com
Burton@USAMonuments.com
The Pay It Forward Foundation was developed by Catherine Ryan Hyde to bring the message from her novel to classrooms across the country.
The foundation was established in September 2000 to educate and inspire young students to realize that they can change the world, and provide them with opportunities to do so.
An Internet search of the terms "Pay It Forward" using http://www.Google.com, will provide ideas on how others practice the pay it forward concept to enrich the lives of others, and in the process, enrich their own lives.
My life has been enriched in many ways over the years as I have given generously to others. What we do for others lives on beyond our mortal existence in this world.
As an educator who taught business administration and law to more than 10,000 students over an academic career spanning more than two decades, I recall positively touching many lives during my journey through this existence we call life.
A life is not well lived unless it has touched others in a positive manner in some regard. Giving without any expectation of return is the most fulfilling of all gifts.
Please take a moment to remind others that our good deeds for others do change attitudes and improve the world in which we live. Take a moment and pay it forward! You will be glad you did!
Burton Fletcher
USAMonuments.com
Burton@USAMonuments.com
Friday, December 08, 2006
Will You Have A Pauper's Grave?
Los Angeles Times Staff Writer, Susannah Rosenblatt, wrote an article titled, "Unclaimed and forgotten are laid to rest," dated December 7, 2006.
The article struck me on a number of levels, both positive and negative.
On the positive side, it is an act of kindness that our society pays quiet homage to provide a resting place to the loved ones of families who either cannot afford or neglect to bury their loved ones.
Rosenblatt's article states that after waiting 2 years before burial, the County of Los Angeles interred the unclaimed cremains of “1,687 people … (into) a single 7-foot-deep plot. Over eight decades, an estimated 300,000 have been placed nearby.”
Imagine this now. More than 300,000 individuals over eight decades have been cremated and interred in pauper’s graves in Los Angeles County alone.
Pauper’s graves contain the cremains of the indigent or those with families too poor to pay for burial. All of us should want to believe that every human being is special and that they should be buried with dignity. I believe it is special when family can be buried in cemeteries along side the graves of other ancestors with memorials that mark the graves and celebrate the lives of those interred there.
The words that I wish to emphasize are that everyone deserves to be buried and memorialized with a sense of dignity. I would go further and argue that it is the responsibility of every individual to prepurchase his own cemetery plot and monument to provide a place of future interment.
Someone has to take responsibility for end of life decisions. While we may not have had any input into our entry into this world, we certainly should have input into our end of life decisions when we will, inevitably, exit this world.
Brian Steffen of The Monument Center, Bluffton Cemeteries, Inc. wrote me stating: “Thanks for sharing this article. It is sad that some people are not close enough to their families that when they pass away, the families are unaware. Our society is that way due to the lack of close-nit families. People just scatter when they grow older. However, even though the families are not there to pay their respects, God doesn’t lose touch with, or forget, anyone. That is comforting to know.”
If you love your family, you will provide them with a location to grieve, reflect, and to pay their respects. Similar to the all too common practice of discarding cremains at sea a pauper's grave neglects the needs of those who remain after the body has been disposed of as so much refuse. Governmental agencies can only do so much and it is the responsibility of the individual to plan for the future.
Prepare in advance so you do not have a pauper's grave.
Please share your thoughts with me at Burton@USAMonuments.com. If you make good points, I just may share them with my readers of this and other columns.
The article struck me on a number of levels, both positive and negative.
On the positive side, it is an act of kindness that our society pays quiet homage to provide a resting place to the loved ones of families who either cannot afford or neglect to bury their loved ones.
Rosenblatt's article states that after waiting 2 years before burial, the County of Los Angeles interred the unclaimed cremains of “1,687 people … (into) a single 7-foot-deep plot. Over eight decades, an estimated 300,000 have been placed nearby.”
Imagine this now. More than 300,000 individuals over eight decades have been cremated and interred in pauper’s graves in Los Angeles County alone.
Pauper’s graves contain the cremains of the indigent or those with families too poor to pay for burial. All of us should want to believe that every human being is special and that they should be buried with dignity. I believe it is special when family can be buried in cemeteries along side the graves of other ancestors with memorials that mark the graves and celebrate the lives of those interred there.
The words that I wish to emphasize are that everyone deserves to be buried and memorialized with a sense of dignity. I would go further and argue that it is the responsibility of every individual to prepurchase his own cemetery plot and monument to provide a place of future interment.
Someone has to take responsibility for end of life decisions. While we may not have had any input into our entry into this world, we certainly should have input into our end of life decisions when we will, inevitably, exit this world.
Brian Steffen of The Monument Center, Bluffton Cemeteries, Inc. wrote me stating: “Thanks for sharing this article. It is sad that some people are not close enough to their families that when they pass away, the families are unaware. Our society is that way due to the lack of close-nit families. People just scatter when they grow older. However, even though the families are not there to pay their respects, God doesn’t lose touch with, or forget, anyone. That is comforting to know.”
If you love your family, you will provide them with a location to grieve, reflect, and to pay their respects. Similar to the all too common practice of discarding cremains at sea a pauper's grave neglects the needs of those who remain after the body has been disposed of as so much refuse. Governmental agencies can only do so much and it is the responsibility of the individual to plan for the future.
Prepare in advance so you do not have a pauper's grave.
Please share your thoughts with me at Burton@USAMonuments.com. If you make good points, I just may share them with my readers of this and other columns.
Thursday, December 07, 2006
Requests For Excuse In An Alabama School District
As a long-time educator, I can appreciate the following humor with both a smile and a wrinkled brow.
I promise you cannot read these and not laugh out loud. These are real notes written by parents in an ALABAMA school district. Spellings have been left intact.
1. My son is under a doctor's care and should not take PE today.Please execute him.
2. Please exkuce lisa for being absent she was sick and i had hershot.
3. Dear school: please ecsc's john being absent on jan. 28, 29, 30,31, 32 and also 33.
4. Please excuse gloria from jim today. She is administrating.
5. Please excuse roland from p.e. for a few days. Yesterday he fell out of a tree and misplaced his hip.
6. John has been absent because he had two teeth taken out of his face.
7. Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football. He was hurt in the growing part.
8. Megan could not come to school today because she has been bothered by very close veins.
9. Chris will not be in school cus he has an acre in his side.
10. Please excuse ray friday from school. He has very loose vowels.
11. Pleaseexcuse Lesli from being absent yesterday. Shehad diahre dyrea direathe the shits.
12. Please excuse tommy for being absent yesterday. He had diarrhea,and his boots leak.
13. Irving was absent yesterday because he missed his bust.
14. Please excuse jimmy for being. It was his father's fault.
15. I kept Billie home because she had to go Christmas shoppingbecause i don't know what size she wear.
16. Please excuse jennifer for missing school yesterday. We forgot to get the sunday paper off the porch, and when we found it monday. We thought it was sunday.
17. Sally won't be in school a week from friday. We have to attend her funeral.
18. My daughter was absent yesterday because she was tired. She spent a weekend with the marines.
19. Please excuse Jason for being absent yesterday. He had a cold and could not breed well.
20. Please excuse mary for being absent yesterday. She was in bed with gramps.
21. Gloria was absent yesterday as she was having a gangover.
22. Please excuse brenda. She has been sick and under the doctor.
23. Maryann was absent december 11-16, because she had a fever, sorethroat, headache and upset stomach. Her sister was also sick, fever an sore throat, her brother had a low grade fever and ached all over. I wasn't the best either, sore throat and fever. There must be something going around, her father even got hot last night.
I promise you cannot read these and not laugh out loud. These are real notes written by parents in an ALABAMA school district. Spellings have been left intact.
1. My son is under a doctor's care and should not take PE today.Please execute him.
2. Please exkuce lisa for being absent she was sick and i had hershot.
3. Dear school: please ecsc's john being absent on jan. 28, 29, 30,31, 32 and also 33.
4. Please excuse gloria from jim today. She is administrating.
5. Please excuse roland from p.e. for a few days. Yesterday he fell out of a tree and misplaced his hip.
6. John has been absent because he had two teeth taken out of his face.
7. Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football. He was hurt in the growing part.
8. Megan could not come to school today because she has been bothered by very close veins.
9. Chris will not be in school cus he has an acre in his side.
10. Please excuse ray friday from school. He has very loose vowels.
11. Pleaseexcuse Lesli from being absent yesterday. Shehad diahre dyrea direathe the shits.
12. Please excuse tommy for being absent yesterday. He had diarrhea,and his boots leak.
13. Irving was absent yesterday because he missed his bust.
14. Please excuse jimmy for being. It was his father's fault.
15. I kept Billie home because she had to go Christmas shoppingbecause i don't know what size she wear.
16. Please excuse jennifer for missing school yesterday. We forgot to get the sunday paper off the porch, and when we found it monday. We thought it was sunday.
17. Sally won't be in school a week from friday. We have to attend her funeral.
18. My daughter was absent yesterday because she was tired. She spent a weekend with the marines.
19. Please excuse Jason for being absent yesterday. He had a cold and could not breed well.
20. Please excuse mary for being absent yesterday. She was in bed with gramps.
21. Gloria was absent yesterday as she was having a gangover.
22. Please excuse brenda. She has been sick and under the doctor.
23. Maryann was absent december 11-16, because she had a fever, sorethroat, headache and upset stomach. Her sister was also sick, fever an sore throat, her brother had a low grade fever and ached all over. I wasn't the best either, sore throat and fever. There must be something going around, her father even got hot last night.
Wednesday, December 06, 2006
Family Squabbles And Monument Replacement
I received a call this morning in my capacity as president of the Georgia Monument Builders Association.
"I'm from Florida," the woman said, "and my sister replaced our parent's monument without informing me."
Apparently, her sister had replaced the monument for her mother and father without bothering to ask her permission, much less to even inform her! Obviously, she was "in shock," when she discovered this insult.
She stated, "daddy didn't even have a monument for (something) years." "My sister didn't think they should have a double monument since they were divorced."
Apparently, it was important enough for the sister to replace a double headstone with two single headstones since mother and father had divorced in the past.
So, what advice would you give in this situation?
"Ma'am," I said, hesitantly, "there are no good answers for you."
"You could sue the monument company, for the original monument, but they are out of business, and what would you do with the stone?"
"You could sue your sister, but that would just generate ill will."
"You could sue the church too, but you probably don't want to do that either."
"It must have been very important to your sister if she was willing to incur this expense. I would just let it go."
"I know," she said, "but I'm just in shock."
In my opinion, her sister handled this entire situation poorly. Family decisions require family consensus for family harmony. When one person goes off to unilaterally make decisions, even when well meaning, then the other family members have a right to be disappointed.
If faced with a similar decision, I hope you will do the right thing. After all, the right thing, is the right thing to do!
If you have thoughts you wish to share, please email me at Burton@USAMonuments.com and I will post select comments on this site. I thank you in advance for your contributions to improve the death-care industry, memorialization and honor the loved ones of grieving families. Burton Fletcher Owner http://www.usamonuments.com/
"I'm from Florida," the woman said, "and my sister replaced our parent's monument without informing me."
Apparently, her sister had replaced the monument for her mother and father without bothering to ask her permission, much less to even inform her! Obviously, she was "in shock," when she discovered this insult.
She stated, "daddy didn't even have a monument for (something) years." "My sister didn't think they should have a double monument since they were divorced."
Apparently, it was important enough for the sister to replace a double headstone with two single headstones since mother and father had divorced in the past.
So, what advice would you give in this situation?
"Ma'am," I said, hesitantly, "there are no good answers for you."
"You could sue the monument company, for the original monument, but they are out of business, and what would you do with the stone?"
"You could sue your sister, but that would just generate ill will."
"You could sue the church too, but you probably don't want to do that either."
"It must have been very important to your sister if she was willing to incur this expense. I would just let it go."
"I know," she said, "but I'm just in shock."
In my opinion, her sister handled this entire situation poorly. Family decisions require family consensus for family harmony. When one person goes off to unilaterally make decisions, even when well meaning, then the other family members have a right to be disappointed.
If faced with a similar decision, I hope you will do the right thing. After all, the right thing, is the right thing to do!
If you have thoughts you wish to share, please email me at Burton@USAMonuments.com and I will post select comments on this site. I thank you in advance for your contributions to improve the death-care industry, memorialization and honor the loved ones of grieving families. Burton Fletcher Owner http://www.usamonuments.com/
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